I thought I would not have to write this here or anywhere, I thought I would be well, not fine but somewhere between okay and maybe not feeling anything. I went to sleep as usual but some unrelated physical pain woke me and the flood of tears came shortly after. Now, I am a bit hormonal right now, but I am not convinced this is why this happened tonight. What is odd is that after a few hours of sleep I woke up at about the same time I was having a hard time with him telling me only hours before on that awful night! Except of course this is technicaly 24 hours before that night one year ago. So many of the “old” questions came biting me in the backside again. They why’s, as I sit here I tell myself not to go there, I pray, but still, unanswered questions arise. I think my situation is a bit unique in some ways. I was subjected even after the actual physical affair to still be around the other person not knowing what had occurred between her and my spouse. Yes, there were suspicions as I look back now and there always have been through the years, but in my mind it never went as far as I recently found out it did. The other appalling thing for me is the way he kept her still as a family “friend” and more sickly why even though I had some type of resentment against her, why did I also keep her close. Perhaps I really did know or was I so young and desperate for a “friend” in a new place that I was willing to still keep up with the “friendship”? So three years after the one year of on and off infidelity, she was the one that fessed up to her spouse, mine kept her quiet angrily and made excuses to me when she cut the “friendship” off. For more than 15 years this has been in my mind as unresolved until last year when he confessed finally. Looking back one year ago, I am glad he told me, just not happy about how this past year has left me with unanswered questions because it was so long ago. I don’t know what I feel day to day for him, mostly nothing now except still caring because he is the father or my children and we have built a lifetime of memories together after that as well. But I feel the last 15 years are based on lies. I pray everyday for peace, answers.
I’m sorry this happened to you.Sometimes,when people hurt us,we forgive them but we still have wounds that need to be healed.Prayer and Confession are 2 very effective ways our Lord gave us to help the healing process.Are you angry with you husband?I don’t blame you.Tell your Priest in confession;Father I’m still angry.Does your husband try to help in the healing process?He should.I will keep you in my prayers.May our Lord grant you peace,Rocky.
It must be a terrible feeling, and as someone with a similar situation, I can relate. With the power of prayer, I truly believe you can overcome this. Try not to think about it too much and focus on the good part of life the Lord has given you. I'm not saying it will be easy, but it gets better with prayer. Again, I sorry you had that situation happen to you.
Rayoflight, without these things you cannot heal.
- Your husband must have no contact with this woman…EVER.
- You need the TRUTH
- He needs to all the ‘heavy lifting’ to win you back.
I’ll pray you ask him for these things and he delivers.
I definitely agree with you!
Rayoflight, if you want to keep your marriage and relieve those wonderful memories that kept you in love with your husband praying is the key but so is what iamrefreshed has said… He must be the one willing to make things work-he has to earn your love and trust all over again, it’s like starting over, He has to work really hard for you and NO CONTACT WITH THAT WOMAN EVER AGAIN! No excuses!!! Accept none! No toleration over that! And that’s correct you need 100% truth! He needs to be straight and honest with you from now on, it is a slow process, a lot of horrible thoughts will continue creeping in, remember YOU ARE NOT AT FAULT! It was not YOUR FAULT! Don’t ever blame yourself! And talk to him…Seek counseling, it will help you get through this…seek your priest, he will guide you as well…
I know easier said than done but the faster you get help the faster your healing will begin and the faster you can move on and forget about this problem, it will be a thing of the past and things will be a lot easier to look forward to, you know?!
Hang in there, don’t lose hope and don’t stop praying!
Oh my goodness rayoflight I am so sorry for your pain and emotional suffering.You have been so tolerant and brave for so long but unless things get resolved they will fester.I agree with iluvmybabies and iamrefreshed.I say seek Catholic Marriage Guidance counselling.Ask your priest about this in your area.Your husband must be prepared to make huge ammends.
May God bless you through this enormously difficult time.Love and prayers for you
Our Father Who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name.
Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us,
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil