Well Father have you ever considered the following? What you describe also reflects very poorly on you:
1. “Father, my favorite part of the Mass is the hug part!”
Explaining the sign of peace to your parishioners?
2. “Why didn’t we do the cup thing today? I really like the cup thing!”
The significance of being able to receive under both kinds?
3. “Father we’re running low on hosts—should I put more in the tabernacle for you to give out at Mass?”
Just how failed the catechesis system is that formed this person, and why such a person would have access to the tabernacle?
4. “The most important part of the wedding Mass is the unity candle!”
Again, more/better catechesis is needed.
5. “Why don’t we vote on music that we like for Mass?”
6. “What can we do to make the Mass more fun for kids?”
Perhaps teach them to understand it?
7. Come to Mass wearing faded gym shorts, dirty sneakers and a t-shirt celebrating your favorite rock band.
How do you dress, Father? Have you ever set tactful expectations for your parishioners?
8. To receive Holy Communion, put out one hand and look bored, as if Father were giving you a complimentary poker chip at Atlantic City and you wanted to be somewhere else.
When was the last time you provided catechesis on how to properly receive, Father?
9. Wander off absentmindedly with a Host in your hand, and, just as Father is about to catch up with you, pop the Host in your mouth as if he had given you a cough drop.
10. After Mass, look puzzled when Father is horrified upon finding Hosts in hymnals, prayer books or under the pews.
I have NEVER heard of this actually happening in real life. I spent an entire year cleaning/straightening my parish after Mass and NEVER found a host. Catholic Urban Myth!