[quote="silentstar, post:15, topic:234692"]
I have actually seen the opposite happen. When people reluctantly spend time with an unpopular/troubled child b/c they feel they should, their commitment usually does not last long. Then they pull back and that is more painful than not having the attachment in the first place. I had a lot of girls in my class tell me they would not play with me before I gave up talking to them, and I didn't cling much but was trying to talk to different people. It isn't the responsibility of a a child to save another child. If this family invites the child into their life and they are reluctant, and the child makes a disclosure of abuse, they are committing themselves to working with social services and maybe testifying in court, unless they do the wrong thing and ignore it.
If you commit to a child you really need to make the commitment and assume that child will be in your life for years. A child who is abused and neglected with no friends and is not fitting in will not likely improve quickly. A lot of people have wishful thinking and they would like to think that a child will be doing much better with a couple of weeks of attention, and then it's someone else's job. That is rarely the case. There have to be supportive people who are ready and willing to take over and form an important part in the child's life.
I would say, don't do things like inviting her into your home unless you are prepared to keep her in your life through college-age. That might not happen but if you or your daughter have had enough in a month, and she sees you as a refuge, you are left with throwing her out which might make things worse than before.
When I did not make friends in my class I started talking to younger kids and I made friends with girls one year younger than I was. They were pretty good friends. However if someone in my class had kept trying to be my friend when she didn't want to be, I never would have found the better friends I had. I should not have been left on my own to figure this out though. At that time being friends with kids not in your own grade was really odd - people thought it was weird - but I had girls I liked to talk to and it made school much better.
If she is developmentally delayed she may benefit from having younger friends. At any rate I would really recommend calling the teacher and putting pressure on her to do something. Such as, find an expert on bullied or neglected kids, or kids who don't fit in, and getting that person to take on this child as a mentor and give the child a lot of individual attention. Even if the abuse is in the past, why is this situation being tolerated? There may be people in the Church community who will help even if the child is not Catholic.
I understand it's heartbreaking to see a child like this and too many people have been there, but I would really encourage the OP not to take on a personal commitment to socializing with her unless you are potentially prepared to keep it up for the next 8 to 10 years. If that's not the case you are potentially looking at being exhausted by her needs and kicking her out, and then she could be in worse shape than before. 8 years might be far longer than this girl would want to spend time with you, but if you are thinking a few weeks and she is thinking she has a new family for the rest of grade school, then she could be hurt unless you maintain a commitment to stay in her life. And I think that is a lot to ask of the OP's daughter, a 10 year old who really is learning how to have friend's herself.
In contrast I do think the OP could do a lot by starting to call adults and figuring out how to work with other people such as the teacher if they are trying to help, and pushing them to do their jobs and not let this girl fall through the cracks. Someone who is trained in social skills evaluation should probably be working with her. If she is delayed she might benefit from having younger friends and she would need help finding them since they are not in her class.
Another way to help is to find books about famous people who often were outcasts or really felt different as kids, and give that to the child, especially if it seems like she's bright. Being unpopular is no guarantee of adult achievement, in fact it makes life a lot harder, but many creative people have trouble with not fitting in from an early age. Children's librarians may be able to locate books about unpopular kids who grew up to have friends and a family and they may or may not have been famous but they found rewarding work and etc. Also I think many Catholic saints as children suffered from feelings of being different, sometimes b/c they were persecuted and sometimes b/c they had a strong sense of spirituality at a young age and were more devout than other kids. It might be possible to find some books like that which will help the girl realize there is hope, even though she is struggling right now.
Excellent advice, from one who's obviously been there. God bless you! :)