33 and never been married yet... any advice?


#1

Hello everyone. I've never been married at all before and I want to have a girlfriend and get married and all of that, but I'm not sure where to look and/or what do . I just recently started going to Mass again and practicing my faith and all of that....

Any advice or suggestions?

p.s. I'm going to the gym and trying to lose a good ammount of weight and taking care of my physical and mental health too= I go to therapy-psychologist reguarly too...


#2

Hi! I'm 31, single, and date a fair amount.

  1. Be happy. People like being around other people who are happy. If your not happy, fake it, or, if you want to continue being miserable, find those hipster friends who don't like you very much, but will put up with bad moods.

  2. Get a hobby .Start karate, learn a new trade. Take a class. Do anything that requires a group of men and women.

  3. Don't discuss deep psychological problems on a first date. If you meet a woman you'd like to date, keep it on a "need to know" basis. If you've attempted to kill yourself 4 times, hear voices telling you to burn buildings and think your the King of England, keep it to yourself. ;);););) (that's a joke! Be happy! See number 1!)

  4. Prepare yourself for rejection. You get shot down, don't make a big deal out of it. Just move on and get a thick skin.


#3

Pray for discernment. Perhaps marriage might not actually be what the Holy Spirit specifically intends for you to do.


#4

While I certainly understand that you desire companionship and marriage...

It sounds like you are working on yourself at the moment. My suggestion is to focus on what you can do for society by using your natural gifts and talents. Then see what life brings your way.


#5

Congrats on the positive spiritual and health choices you are making!:thumbsup:

I would say 33 really isn't that old, especially for a male since you don't have the "biological clock" thing to worry about. Take your time to adjust and settle into these changes you're making and don't rush things.

I'm working on getting more fit too and maybe at some point I may want to try the dating scene (I'm unable to have children and in midlife so my situation's a bit different from yours).

I figure when I am confident that my fitness and weight loss and health efforts have become routine and I've seen some good results, I'll intuitively know when it's time to see if that is indeed something to pursue.;)

Meanwhile, it's a journey - I say relax and enjoy the ride!:)


#6

[quote="3DOCTORS, post:5, topic:223221"]

I would say 33 really isn't that old, especially for a male since you don't have the "biological clock" thing to worry about. Take your time to adjust and settle into these changes you're making and don't rush things.

[/quote]

GREAT point. I have a huge pet peeve for people who claim how they feel soooo old at ages like...30....40....I mean, wait till they get 70, 80, 90 years old to complain.


#7

You will find them when you're not looking. When you are simply living your life and involved in things you enjoy and run across that person that enjoys those things as well.

Find the things you love, pursue them and be open to talking to the people you meet along the way.


#8

Also, I don't go to bars or stuff like that.

I go to the gym 6-7 days a week and I work out hard there at the gym........ so I think that there in the gym or in my Parish or other Parishes are/would be the best places to make new friends and see what happens....

What do you all think about that?


#9

I think it’s a great idea, but be careful the girl you hit on doesn’t have a boyfriend whose really, really into weightlifting! :thumbsup:


#10

I'm 31, don't date and wants to get married. My Spiritual Director recently told me if you want to get married you need to meet a guy, if you want to meet a guy you have to leave the house. Just want to add that I do leave the house I am just not a social butterfly but I working on that.

jasonsdec77 besides the above find out what is going at your church and those in the area, call up a friend (gender irrelevant) and go to the movies or just hang out, you have to be socially available. As the guy you have it easier than us females, it is perfectly okay for you to make the first move every time.

Pray, this is not the last step even though it has been put after everything else. In all things pray. You want a wife pray about the kind of wife, loyal, prayerful, catholic, etc. Pray for yourself, to be the kind of husband and father you need to be.

Good Luck!!!


#11

Match.com is great. I know people who have married the person they met there.


#12

Getting women to like you is a skill. Behave in a strong, capable, and confident way and then watch for signals that the woman likes you (subtle cues in their body language). When women look for a husband they are subconsciously looking for someone who would be a good father figure to their future children.....someone strong and gentle at the same time. Keep this in mind.

I would suggest looking in places where good Christian/Catholic girls are likely to congregate. Maybe volunteer at a shelter, soup kitchen, or the SPCA.


#13

[quote="Rascalking, post:6, topic:223221"]
GREAT point. I have a huge pet peeve for people who claim how they feel soooo old at ages like...30....40....I mean, wait till they get 70, 80, 90 years old to complain.

[/quote]

Well, I'm 54 years old and physically very unattractive, which makes me pretty much un-dateable - just as I was at 20 and 30 and 40!


#14

Well, I'm 54 years old and physically very unattractive, which makes me pretty much un-dateable - just as I was at 20 and 30 and 40

wouldn't you be dateable to an unattractive woman?


#15

[quote="violet81, post:14, topic:223221"]
wouldn't you be dateable to an unattractive woman?

[/quote]

In other words: beggars can't be choosers?


#16

TedDC,

Uh, there are a lot of women who are interested in more than looks. Confidence makes up for a lot in that department assuming you aren't a slob- i.e. well-groomed, how you carry yourself, interesting to talk to and willing to listen.

I'm not attractive but didn't have problem getting dates when I was single. I've also had some express interest since I was legally divorced (still sacramentaly married), since they aren't blind there must be something beyond looks that women want.

Don't sell yourself short, there are attractive women who aren't shallow and place more importance on trustworthiness, reliability, humor, warmth.


#17

[quote="jasonsdec77, post:1, topic:223221"]
Hello everyone. I've never been married at all before and I want to have a girlfriend and get married and all of that, but I'm not sure where to look and/or what do . I just recently started going to Mass again and practicing my faith and all of that....

Any advice or suggestions?

p.s. I'm going to the gym and trying to lose a good ammount of weight and taking care of my physical and mental health too= I go to therapy-psychologist reguarly too...

[/quote]

Two words: Online. Dating.


#18

There are worse things than not being married, and sometimes being married is one of them.

Everyone is entitled to choose what life they will seek. I say seek, because there are no guaranties of what life you will end up living.

I am a bachelor of 61 years. Marriage was not something I pursued. I would have been very surprised to find myself married.

There was no chance of me getting married, because I did not want it.

Those who are marriage seekers, need to make some effort to secure a partner. I think this requires meeting many people and dating. If someone stays home and doesn't date, they have small likelihood of marriage.


#19

[quote="jasonsdec77, post:1, topic:223221"]
Hello everyone. I've never been married at all before and I want to have a girlfriend and get married and all of that, but I'm not sure where to look and/or what do . I just recently started going to Mass again and practicing my faith and all of that....

Any advice or suggestions?

p.s. I'm going to the gym and trying to lose a good ammount of weight and taking care of my physical and mental health too= I go to therapy-psychologist reguarly too...

[/quote]

I was 30 when I got married and was single for quite a while before that.

I met my lovely wife in church, Easter Vigil Mass, she had to sit next to me as there were no more seats, we lit each others candles a few times and at the end of Mass I asked if I could walk her home and that was that.

:blush:


#20

Try this website. Meetups com. Then enter your city or zup code.

Users create "groups" with a special interest or hobby. For example, hiking is one that is popular in many areas. They schedule periodic group hikes in the meetup area.

Take a look.


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