37 and still single BUT in love with a 26yr old friend


#1

**It's a tough situation to be in. Especially when the heart is at stake.
Please pray for me. I want to be with him but he said he can't level up to what I'm expecting him to give me. And yet, i fear so much to let him go. Will it ever happen?

Please share your views.. Thank you! :(**


#2

[quote="bodacious_babe, post:1, topic:204025"]
It's a tough situation to be in. Especially when the heart is at stake.
*Please pray for me. I want to be with him but he said he can't level up to what I'm expecting him to give me. And yet, i fear so much to let him go. Will it ever happen? *

Please share your views.. Thank you! :(

[/quote]

Probably not with this individual. If he has already told you that he isn't interested in a relationship beyond a friendship, then you should accept that and move forward.

God bless.


#3

[quote="bodacious_babe, post:1, topic:204025"]
he said he can't level up to what I'm expecting him to give me

[/quote]

End the relationship.

Do you really want the drama of having to put up with his unwillingness to give you what you need? **This **is the red flag you will regret not having paid attention to.

Wake up, girl. Find someone your equal and quit clinging to dead-end situations.


#4

If the age thing is worrying you, don't worry about it, there's little difference in adults, a
person who is 80 is still OLD just like the 91 year old.

What do you want that he says he can't give you?

I'd say, keep him until you find someone else, but that's just my opinion, if you get rid of him it's going to hurt you, so why do something thats going to hurt?


#5

Not enough info given to really advise you on this.

What means, "can't level up to what I'm expecting him to give me."??

Sounds as if you as perhaps a bit "needy"?? I don't know and it's likely none here can know you well enough to make comment on this.

As far as the age difference goes, my wife is 16 years older than me. Makes no difference to either one of us. Love finds a way.

But it has to be love from both sides and complete.

Peace
James


#6

As far as the age difference goes, my wife is 16 years older than me. Makes no difference to either one of us. Love finds a way.

When I was in high school I was mortified because my BF was a sophomore and I was a Senior. As an adult I learned that age really didn't matter.


#7

Really? You should probably give up. It's not looking promising at all, and I think he's tried to tell you so in a nice way. If you want to see if there is any chance, do the following: If he calls you up and asks if you want to see a movie, hang out, etc. say you can't you're going out. Be UNAVAILABLE. Give him the chance to see what life is like without you...and give yourself the chance to see what life is like without him.


#8

[quote="bodacious_babe, post:1, topic:204025"]
**It's a tough situation to be in. Especially when the heart is at stake.
Please pray for me. I want to be with him but he said he can't level up to what I'm expecting him to give me. And yet, i fear so much to let him go. Will it ever happen?

Please share your views.. Thank you! :(**

[/quote]

When a guy says he isn't interested he NEVER will be. Hard to take I know but it's better if you know where you stand then to sit wondering. :shrug:


#9

I'd say, keep him until you find someone else,

under all circumstances, this would qualify as using him. but there's nothing to keep. the guys isnt interested.

OP, don't waste your time or your dignity on this dead-end and potentially humiliating daydream.


#10

[quote="monicatholic, post:9, topic:204025"]
under all circumstances, this would qualify as using him. but there's nothing to keep. the guys isnt interested.

OP, don't waste your time or your dignity on this dead-end and potentially humiliating daydream.

[/quote]

Using people is the worst....I mean it ends up hurting you more. :thumbsup:


#11

**Thank you all for the replies...

I'm trying to accept the truth.

For update on the predicament I have:

We actually belong to the same club (car club) and this month up until the last week of August, we are going to be very busy because of the Inter-Auto Club Meet wherein 14 different car clubs will be participating. And he always wants me to attend the meetings with him as he is the Site Captain for our car club forum and the Chairman for EB's and Activities while I am the Treasurer of our Club.

When we talk about "us". He tells me indirectly that he cares about me and it is manifested by him talking and texting me still.. To give you all an idea about how attached I am to this man, I have consented to sleeping with him on two occasions. It was during our Car Club beach outing end of May this year. I consider myself on the conservative side of the Catholism spectrum but I was weak and did the deed hoping that it would change his mind about me and he'd want to be with me. STUPID me, right? He knows it meant everything to me and he has also expressed that it was not out of Lust from his part and as I could see, he said he didn't just drop me. But yet, friends have set him up on dates after those incidents.

I asked him once, last month to get intimate with me again and he said he turned me down. He said i'm not like all the other women he's slept with and that he respects me. I dont know what he meant by that.

One of my friend told me that he might be confused and does not want to rush things since we just met last January. And not to mention the age gap issue. And that he may still be weighing his feelings for me too.

I tend to agree but just a little. Although I do notice his excitement when I attend our club EB's and meetings. He always wants me to be around him. I'm at a loss. And i don't want to keep my hopes too high..

Thank you everyone...
God bless..:blushing:**


#12

I asked him once, last month to get intimate with me again and he said he turned me down. He said i'm not like all the other women he's slept with and that he respects me. I dont know what he meant by that.

he respects you after he slept with you twice...?

spiritually speaking: if you're on the conservative end of catholicism, then you're likely aware that fornication is a grave misuse of sex. it's an offense against God. it kills grace in your soul. it's a mortal sin.

and you slept with him twice (and attempted a third) in order to attempt to manipulate his feelings because you're attached to him? perhaps obsessed with him. you're obviously more attached to him that you are to God. that will bring you nothing but misery.

practically speaking: this **whole thing ** is a replica of the mindgames/ sexgames i used to get trapped in when i was in my early 20s. you're too old for this ridiculousness. stop humiliating yourself.


#13

Still "weighing his feelings?" Bull. From what you have written it seems you haven't really been on dates. He hasn't asked you out and treated you like a lady, right? I've seen friends in this type of "relationship." It goes nowhere, and sometimes it goes nowhere for years.


#14

This reminds me of my situation with an ex girlfriend of mine. We've known each other for 12 years, and it's been an on again, off again thing for sometime. She's 5 years older than me, and I'm 30.

It's really, really tough, because of age, other factors. She's a different race than I am, and while that doesn't bother us, it does bother her family a bit. It's subtle, but it's still there. The age thing bothers more people around us. They think she is too old for me, and in different stages of life. I tell them that if the roles where reversed, (me, and a man, being older) no one would care.

It's tough, and your in my prayers. The only thing I can say is try your best to remain sane-(that's hard)-and pray for guidance.


#15

[quote="bodacious_babe, post:11, topic:204025"]
**
To give you all an idea about how attached I am to this man, I have consented to sleeping **

[/quote]

This is NOT an example of how attached you are to this man. It is an example of how hurt you are deep down inside. You are so hurt you are looking for love in all he wrong places and are willing to sacrifie your relationship with God (the only One who truly loves you more than any human could)

My heart bleeds for you. I can relate to being alone and feeling as if no one cares. But starting to act in unhealthy ways is getting scary.

I am saying this out of tough love but your posts says you are 37 but your grammer and the way you express yourself comes accross as a teenager. I will pray God sends you the love and help you need.

Also, I think the reason he no longer wants to sleep with you is he knows how clingy you will get after and to him it just isn't worth it (which in secular terms is a big insult to you as a woman)

How do you know he doesn't keep you around to show off to his friends this woman is madly in love with him?

Please believe in yourself and forget about this guy

CM


#16

**You’re right, cmscms. I still sound like a teener. Only when it concerns my lovelife. You see, i have been fooled to believe that love existed. And I’ve had 6 boyfriends all in all since I started dating in my senior year in High School. Was engaged to be married 2x and both of which fizzled. Well, with my first fiance - it was I who called the engagement off because I waited 10yrs for his Catholic Church Annulment to be granted. By the time his marriage was Null and Void, I no longer had any love for him as he had character issues and not having sex for 8 yrs was also a factor that I fell out of love. 3yrs after a’d broken up with him, I met my 2nd fiance who, this time, was the one who called it quits because I was diagnosed with adenomyoma. A condition which allows me to conceive but NEVER bring the baby to full term. The baby dies in my womb as it gets crushed by my uterus that expands when I am with child.

I admit, I am very much ignorant with how men are when it concerns relationships. My best friend has taught me that all men are the same. Regardless. They only want one thing and after they get it, they’re done with you. She has warned me over and over about this present guy, but she also understands and feels for me as the same thing happened to her many moons ago, just not the same extent as mine. My father abandoned us 8 children and our mother pimped my older sisters. She almost did me too, but Divine Intervention spared my soul.

One of the main reasons why I am in love with this man is because he is very straight-forward and frank, he tells me to my face whatever truth I want to avoid.Though i am older, he even acts behaves and thinks like he is the one who is 37.

I will move on. Because I believe all of you guys that adviced me here are God-sent. And in my situation, i cannot see the truth, but it is revealed by the people who point it out to you. I am blinded.

Thank you for your prayers and yes, please do continue to pray for me. I am not out of the woods yet. I hope I was able to explain this to you all… I am not so good with words…

God bless you all, and peace!**


#17

Your in my prayers!


#18

bbabe,

your experiences, beginning in childhood, sound profoundly wounding.

all men are only the same if i'm the same broken woman experiencing relationship with all of them. in other words, if i always use my broken lense, everything looks broken. in alcoholics anonymous, i learned this:

when i recognize a serious flaw, either in my character or in my upbringing, i have 2 choices:
to allow that flaw to be used an excuse for my many problems and bad choices

OR

to re-learn whatever is broken in me.

counseling helps a lot. and as a catholic, i KNOW the graces of the sacraments are integral to my healing.


#19

[quote="Rascalking, post:17, topic:204025"]
Your in my prayers!

[/quote]

**
@Rascalking: Thank you, thank you very much!**


#20

[quote="monicatholic, post:18, topic:204025"]
bbabe,

your experiences, beginning in childhood, sound profoundly wounding.

all men are only the same if i'm the same broken woman experiencing relationship with all of them. in other words, if i always use my broken lense, everything looks broken. in alcoholics anonymous, i learned this:

when i recognize a serious flaw, either in my character or in my upbringing, i have 2 choices:
to allow that flaw to be used an excuse for my many problems and bad choices

OR

to re-learn whatever is broken in me.

counseling helps a lot. and as a catholic, i KNOW the graces of the sacraments are integral to my healing.

[/quote]

**@monicatholic: thank you for all the kind words and moral support. You have been very big help together with all the members who have visited this thread.

I did sound "blaming" on my last post, didn't I? My apologies. Yes, I have been trying my best not to be using any excuses for my bad behaviour. I am also learning a whole lot of good stuff here. I am so glad I came across this site! **


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