A courting couple living together


#1

Is a couple that is courting that decides to live together committing a sin by simply living together?

Obviously tempations would be higher, but is there a sin in just the living together, under the same roof - but in separate rooms, beds, etc?

I looked up information regarding this and all I could find was about couples living together and being sexually active, and the answer to that is obvious

ps sorry if you saw this in the other forum, i accidently posted it in the wrong room and i didnt know how to get rid of it


#2

[quote=glancebeyond]Is a couple that is courting that decides to live together committing a sin by simply living together?

Obviously tempations would be higher, but is there a sin in just the living together, under the same roof - but in separate rooms, beds, etc?

I looked up information regarding this and all I could find was about couples living together and being sexually active, and the answer to that is obvious

ps sorry if you saw this in the other forum, i accidently posted it in the wrong room and i didnt know how to get rid of it
[/quote]

Well, we are called to do our best to avoid not just sin, but also the occasion of sin (ie situations that make sinning easier). I think living together would be an occasion to sin.

Likewise, we should probably stay away from doing things normally reserved to married couples, such as living together or sleeping in the same bed.


#3

Before my husband and I married, we lived together in the same house. Our Priest told us that as long as we were not having sex, we were ok. I was in RCIA at the time, my husband was having a reconversion after being away from the Church for 10+ years. We thought we were doing what was right in good conscience.

While we were not sexually active, it was overly tempting. We did not actually fall into that sin, but I have sense come to realize is the “scandal” we produced by our ignorance and the libral priests advice. I look back now and pray for forgiveness for the mixed message we gave to our young nieces and nephews, who knew we were not married, but still lived together. I’m sure when they are older they will wonder about that, and I pray that we haven’t caused them to believe that it is ok.

We learned that our actions, regardless of personally committing to each other that we were not going to engage in sex, were still seen as sinful to our families, especially the youngest members.

Oh if we could go back and make changes…I thank God for confession.


#4

So do I dare ask where your stepson fits into all of this…? I see the concern for the nieces and nephews but no mention of him. Just curious


#5

I did that and looking back I know it was an error, did not have actual sexual intercourse but pretty close. It’s the wrong thing to do. Temptation is simply too high and the enemy will see to it that the occasion arises. Please don’t do it.


#6

My fiancee moved into my house when I was having back surgery and my then 13 yo son (raging hormones and all) started hitting me and kicking me. When my then bf came over to pick me up for a date I was lying on the carpet unable to get up, my oldest wouldn’t help and my 2 younger ones were too scared that they couldn’t help. I don’t think that was wrong for him to move in at all. My priest and my fiancee and I have discussed that he lives at the house and we do not have sex. Our priest did have concerns at the way it looks to others but once he understood that my son was in puberty and starting to get out of control without a strong male rolemodel in his life he understood and actually has been very supportive to our family. We talk to the children about our situation and they know that we do not believe in premarital relations. Actually that 13 yo wild child has turned into a wonderful 18 yo almost man. He recently told me that he is still a virgin and plans to stay that way until he marries. I think in my case it turned out very well for all of us.


#7

I would say that if there is some pressing temporal reason for the arrangement, e.g. one partner helping another with a serious need (caring for a child) or pooling incomes and saving money, and if the two partners commit to not fornicating, then as long as they keep an eye on the situation it should be okay. Of course one might send the wrong signal to observers, but anyone close to the situation can observe that there are separate bedrooms, and even discreetly ask whether there is any hanky-panky going on. Or the couple could short-cut the gossip by pointing out that “she’s living here to help me with this-or-that”. I guess the message sent would be a problem, but if you know you’re being good and have an important reason for being in the same location, then I would agree with the priest described above. Anyway people fornicate all the time living under separate roofs, so who’s to say what message is really given off. The behavior of a couple is often known to others anyway. For example, of one of my nephews who is married I have heard it said that his now-wife told him in no uncertain terms that they would ‘wait for marriage’. (They are protestant, where waiting is ‘optional’.)


#8

It is still an occasion for grave scandal, as well as temptation. This reality must not be taken lightly, regardless of all but the most dire circumstances.


#9

My mother and step father lived together chastely before they married. The Priest said so long as youa re not “living together” living together tehy were fine, and also so long as they woudl explain the nessessity of the irregular situation:
Stepdad lost his home because of ex wife (yes the hous ehe moved into after the divorce, i dont knwo how that woman does it)
He had 4 kids.
They moved into our house (mom’s)
Mom’s house was barely big enough for her and her 4 kids.
We moved into a bigger house, Mom slept in anotrher room (at this point the engagement was all but certain)
But now as we grow up our parents explain in delecate detail that this was a sad nessessty and NOT a good first option.


#10

It is the sin of scandal to live together, even chastely, before marriage. For example, lets say you move into an apartment together. Most likely, your neighbors will know you are faithful Catholics who attend Mass, but they are seeing you living together. YOU know you are not having premarital sex. But they don’t. Are you going to tell every person in your building that you aren’t having sex? Will you post a sign on your door saying “Just so you know…we aren’t sleeping together!” Think of the scandal living together could cause your parish. Let’s suppose a fellow parishioner recognizes you and your significant other living together, and then approaching the altar for Holy Communion. You may not even know they know you are living together, yet you have had an impact on their eternal soul because they see you recieving Communion, know you are living together, and will understandably think you are having premarital sex and therefore recieving Holy Communion while not in a state of grace . The Catechism states that we are responsible if we lead others to sin, and living together is definately under the category of the sin of scandal.

On a practical note, numerous studies have shown that living together significantly increases their divorce rate. You test drive a car before purchasing, but marriage is not a car to be test driven before purchase. It is a sacrifice to be offered freely knowing that it is for life. If you are trying to test your “compatibility,” GK Chesterton commented that men and women are imcompatible, period. Marriage is about making the incompatibilities work. :wink:


#11

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