I feel that my wife has also given up on our marriage. This is NOT of her doing. I have read the thread about the wife giving up, but it that thread she seems to be the guilty party. In this thread, the wife is NOT guilty of anything.
I have been horrible to her. I have been unfaithful, unloving, uncaring, selfish, you name it. I have not been physically abusive, but my actions could be seen as emotional abuse.
I have taken a good woman and turned her unhappy. MY actions are inexcuseable and unforgivable. I know God will forgive me, but He has the capacity for infinite forgiveness.
I have a question or two built in here someplace, so please bare with me. Without the gory details, suffice it to say that I had cheated on my wife up until a year and a half ago. I stopped my ways, sought counseling (individual and marriage), went to group for sex addiciton, prayed every day, church at least once a week, confession at least once a week.
I stopped going to counseling. First it was a matter of funds, I filed personal bankruptcy. I stopped going to group, a matter of time I told her. I started confession about once a month. I was not acting out, I was not stepping out of my marriage in any way.
Now we have moved. New job, city, country. I started again. I did not actively seek anything, but the chance arose and I took it. I did not step out physically, but I used the internet and was talking to a couple of different women.
She found out. Now she is devastated. She thinks everything I said during counseling was a lie. She thinks that I am incapable of being the man I should be. I believe she is on the verge of ending our marriage. I know I hurt her and it kills me. I know this will make our children suffer. That kills me. I don't want to end my marriage. I love my wife. I am not allowed to tell her that anymore.
Where can I find in the Bible passages that may help me with my prayers?
Is there any hope for us? I know that I have to change. I knew that before too, but look what I have done since.
Please keep in mind that my wife had NOTHING to do with my failings. She has been open, supportive, loving, caring, kind, decent, etc to me. I am the one who was secretive and dishonset.
Any prayers are especially appreciated.
If anything is unclear, pleas let me know and I will address it. I am desparate. I don't want to think I am looking at the end (again).
Edited to add:
I truly felt as if she was my best friend. She is the one I want to see first thing in the morning. She is the one I see last before I fall asleep. She is the one I seek the most approval from. She is the one I have disappointed the most. I feel like I have not only lost my wife, but my best friend and part of my soul. I truly believe that we are supposed to be together. I try to tell her this, but they are just empty words given my actions. Aside from my children, I want to end her pain and suffering. I am willing to do whatever it takes, but I know she doesn't believe me. I have given her no reason to believe so.
Again, any prayers or advice, are deeply appreciated.