A father and daughter at Mass


At Mass yesterday, I saw a father tell his teenage daughter not to go up for Communion. I couldn’t hear what was said, not that I wanted to, but I could sure see she was upset. As a parent, would you do something like this?


Yes I would - I have in fact. My son (14), lied about something, got caught & was sorry. We forgave him but reminded him that lying was a mortal sin & he needed to go to confession. He tried to go on Saturday but didn’t get in so the following Sunday when he got up to go for communion, I told him he could not until he went to confession.

So long as he’s under 18 - he is my responsiblity and spiritual instruction is my most important job IMO.


If there was something of a serious nature, I would ask my child to refrain from going for communion, but I would have done it prior to Mass and not in the pew.

The VAST majority of Catholics in our pews do not care about the state of their souls when they receive our Lord. I do not want my children being among them.




I’m not sure lying is a mortal sin, is it? Unless it’s something pretty serious??:confused:


It is a parent’s responsiblity to be concerned about the soul of their child. I would have absolutely said something. Just as I would say something to my husband if I knew he was in need of visiting the confessional prior to receiving. I would hope he would do the same for me.

(actually, I have no doubt he would)



Full consent?
Knew it was a sin, and did it anyway?


Yes, it’s a parental responsibility.

And as a parent I can assure you that there have been times that I have addressed things well before Mass, and yet had them come up ‘during Mass’. IOW, that girl could have very well known that she was not supposed to go from her father’s telling her earlier, but (perhaps on autopilot, and perhaps deliberately, we don’t know) got up to go, and had to be reminded. That upset look could have been the natural ‘teenage’ upset at doing something wrong which she hadn’t meant to do; it could also have been the upset look of somebody getting thwarted from getting her own way. We don’t know.


I was always under the impression that lying was a venial sin. A venial sin can still be a pretty serious sin, but not mortal.


She could have been going up for a blessing as well…



I think lying falls under “Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor.” Also, what what mommyof4 said. So yeah, it’s a pretty serious sin. Also what is Satan called? The Father of Lies.

To the OP, that sounds like a darn good father to me!


Did it also constitute “grave matter” though? I dunno, I’m honestly not sure here, does what’s commonly referred to as a “fib”, or basically a lie that does no one any serious harm constitute grave matter?

If not I guess that could fall under honoring one’s parents anyway…


Blessing? I think he would have said ok to that. …

Though of course, the whole “blessing” thing is another ‘innovation’ from the last couple of decades. The norm, when one could not receive communion (for whatever reason) was to make a spiritual communion, not to demand a blessing. (I am not against blessings. I am against starting or maintaining a confusing practice which is an innovation rather than a development.) For example, when I was young–and dinosaurs roamed the earth :smiley: we approached communion (kneeling at the prehistoric altar rails to boot) with our arms crossed over our chests. If I go up to receive communion that way today, I’ll get blessed instead of receiving communion! (and yes that has happened to me. Once was enough).

Returns to topic. . .


I think the father should have made it clear to his daughter before Mass that she shouldn’t receive and kept quiet once Mass already started. Mass is not the place to be reminding anybody whether they should receive or not (aside from the priest refusing Communion to someone). It’s just completely inappropriate. Even if she had gotten up and gone anyway, the Dad should have kept quiet. At that point, it’s between her and God.


not all churchs do this…our does not…you get a blessing at the end of mass with the whole congregation:)

and in regards to the OP…as a parent I have done it and would do it again:)


Well, this whole topic is purely speculation at best. Who knows what the father was talking to her about? Who knows why she was upset. Maybe she wasn’t feeling well.


Lets trust Carol Marie on this one, as I am sure she does not need to divulge the details for us to assess!:stuck_out_tongue:


Children are prepared for 1st Communion when they are of the “age of reason”, this includes having the capacity to determine what is and what is not sin. If the child or person does not have the ability to determine what is sin and when Confession is needed, then they are not ready to recieve 1st Communion.

As a mother, as much as I love my son, I cannot read his heart. I can suggest or advise, but, I cannot tell him the state of his soul.

I would give this father the benefit of the doubt, that the young lady in question may not be Catholic or has not been properly prepared for 1st Communion, and that was his reason for keeping her from the Sacrement.


I remind my kids all the time of sins.
I think it’s my job.

And it keeps them on the right track to sin no more.

I hope they see a little “Mommy” on their shoulders with angel wings and a halo, just like in the cartoons!


Hmm…I agree but some lovely teenagers really hate having to go to confession…so I do not think it is that they are not ready for the sacrament they just dont wanna do it!

as a mom I know when my kids have sinned…I also know when they have gone to confession becuase I take them (they cant drive ya know)

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