A fathers legacy?


I just came to a really scary conclusion my father who left my family to fend for ourselves for more then 13 years he finally has decided to be a part of our life but thats not the scary part. I have understood that me and my father has a lot of things in common, a little too much things in common and I am really scared that I will be like him when I grow up. I dont want to abandon those who need me, who care about me. God gave me my hands to work for his people and serve him as a priest, a good priest someone who gives his life for his people and brings them closer to our Lord not further apart. Am I being crazy? I dont want to think about it but it just seems to be so true please tell me that I am wrong. My father gave up on the world because it killed him inside, he tried to make it work and he lost. I dont want to go the same way I want to help save the world not bring it closer to its destruction



Choose not to be your father but choose to be your Father in Heaven. Which it sound like you are doing in becoming a priest.

I understand what you are talking about. I am, in some ways much like my mother (being a woman being the biggest). That does not mean I am my mother. Understanding that allowed me to be aware of those ways that I am like her and to avoid and change them as necessary. While making the choice not to be my mother is easy, the follow through can be problematic at times. You know what flaws your father had and so have the knowledge to deal with them. You say you don’t want to abandon people so you have already made the choice not to abandom people. Now follow through.

We are not our parents because people say we are our parents. We make choices and commit actions that may be much like our parents but are much our own choices and actions. God made us individuals not carbon copies of each other.

Prayer helps as well. Keep your desire to be a priest in front of you and your past behind you. Keep Jesus in front of you.

Now none of this may be actually useful (hey, I can give advice doesn’t mean it’s necessarily good advce) but don’t focus on the negative. It will only drag you down.


I’m an adoptee who has met my biological parents. Also, my parents (adoptive) divorced and remarried. In high school I had to do a paper of whether who I am (personality, interests, etc.) is a result of genetics or environment. Well, at that time I did not know my biological parents so I could only write based on environment. It turns out that today at the age of 30 I am myself, a little bit like mom, a little bit like dad, a little bit like bio-mom, a little bit like bio-dad, and working toward being a LOT like Christ (even though I fail misserably most of the time).

If your mother keeps saying “you’re just like your father” you need to gently remind her to knock it off. I use to hate when my mom did that, now, I embrace it because my father (as many bad qualities that he has) has many good qualities too. I was once a belittler like my father, but I recognized that, stopped that and then turned it into a positive (when I’m tempted to belittle, I realize that it is based on my own insecurity or pride and then I choose to shut my mouth and confess my weakness). See, I turned what was once rudeness into a strength just by shutting my mouth and confessing my thoughts. I also realized that some of the times qualities that are like my dad’s that my mom hates are qualities that are actually good qualities it’s just that they are qualities that seem to make my mom have less “control” over how I live my life. My dad puts taking care of his immediate family first, I’m very much like that, but my mom thinks that my extended family deserves just as much time and energy as my child. You must be able to weed out what is truly a bad quality that is like your dad’s and turn it around and what is a good quality but makes you not do something according to someone else’s agenda.


My father used to beat my mother to a pulp. Cheat on my mother all the time, he would even bring home his sluts. (forgive me for that word). He left us when I was just a baby. I thought for a long time that I would turn out like my father, because I thought that is was genetic. It’s not.

You see my father was a spoiled child growing up always got whatever he wanted. The day my grandparents stopped spoiling him he left and became angry with them, even tried to kill them.

It’s not genetic, it’s how you were raised how you were brought up. I am sure your mother did a fine job raising you especially because you are persuing Preisthood. Don’t worry about abandoning the flock of Jesus. You won’t do that, you were raised better than that.
Trust in Jesus

God Bless all you do in the name of Jesus!!


You may share genetic material for certain traits, but it is the individual’s choice as to how they will express the traits.

Your father chose his way, you are choosing yours.

You are also choosing the Lord.


“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”


My father was an alcoholic. In his defense, he came from a long line of alcoholics. (Irish) Virtually everybody in his family was, men and women both. To his credit, he beat it after long years of it and nearly dying twice from it.

I was scared to death that I would inherit that, and I think perhaps in a way I did. I read a very interesting article by a world-famous alcoholism institute. Evidently alcoholism is highly inheritable because of a particular physical reflex. But it is hardly inevitable. There is a pattern to it, which I won’t go into because it’s not what we’re talking about.

Knowing that, I resolved not to be beaten by alcohol, either direction. I would drink, but I wouldn’t drink daily, or even weekly. I wouldn’t binge, period. I wouldn’t throw that first one down my throat then take another. I wouldn’t ever drink to cool off.

So, I drink, but I’m not an alcoholic. I think, at my age, I’ve made it.

Nothing is inevitable. I have also read that undesirable traits tend to skip generations. Raise your sons well and carefully.


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