I am a freshman in a Catholic High School, and I love learning about the Catholic Faith. I have a lot of the Church Doctrines memorized, and I know every practical rule in the book.
However, I am a sinner. A huge one. I bet I have 10 different kinds of very embarrassing mortal sins on my soul right now. I (somewhat) try to do God’s Will in my life. I pray daily, even if it’s just a few moments.
However, I feel guilty every day about giving in to simple temporal pleasures too much, like watching TV. I think God is asking me to get out of my English class because it’s honors and I am proud in a bad way about that. I have a horrible self-esteem that causes me to want to be better than everyone else at everything, which means I have to idolize academics and sports. I try to find my fulfillment elsewhere other than God in these temporal things. And I have severe anxiety.
My question is: why do the other kids, who ignorantly, I presume, do these things and more, get to receive the Eucharist, sometimes on a daily basis, and I’m the one stuck not taking the Eucharist and going to Confession only to get into a state of mortal sin a week after Confession.
P.S please pray for me.