A friend's problem....


#1

I have a friend who recently told me that his wife of 7 years told him that “she was never sexually attracted to him”. Talk about a low blow! I remember him mentioning that their sex life was virtually non-existent and he’s just distraught. I don’t know why he came to me with his problems but I know he needed someone to talk to. I wasn’t sure of what to tell him because I’m not in his situation.

A couple of things that bother me about this is

  1. He’s actually not bad looking.
  2. He’s not in bad shape
  3. He makes good money

and it seems like he’s a good father to his kids and a good husband to his wife. The only thing I could suggest is marriage counseling.

Anyone think of a reason why his wife would tell him that???


#2

Josh, I trust you know that there is more to love, romance, compatibility and building a life together than decent looks and a decent salary. It doesn't address spiritual life, financial issues or spending habits, what priorities they hold dear, or past greivances.

I do think your suggestion of counseling is a good one. Of course we have no idea why she said that as we're a bunch of relatively anonymous posters on an online forum, but my opinion, which is worth exactly that..it sounds like Wife is struggling. With anger, depression,doubt about her life choices, the nature of love-- I have no idea, so again, couples counseling sounds like the place to figure that out. My hope is that she said something not just to hurt her husband, but so that the feeling is out in the open and whatever is amiss can change. I also hope they can get to a place where she and he are more satisfied with each other and their marriage as a whole.


#3

The only person who can answer that question is his wife.

And the only thing you can do besides pray for them is recommend counseling.

Luna


#4

Josh, your listed points are very superficial.
If your friend thinks like you, no wonder he has problems in his marriage.
A woman does not need her man to look fantastic or make good money in order to feel sexual attraction.
Sexual attraction comes with love, friendship, great communication, feelings of mutual respect, being best friends etc.

A woman who is not attracted to a man because of his personality and their intelligent exchanges can hardly be erotically interested.
Somewhere she has become uninterested in him sexually because she has become uninterested in him in other areas. These things all all linked for women.
You know, we are not animals. So its not enough to have material safety and an attractive appearance.

Anyway, we have no means of knowing why the two people have problems with their sexual communication… it can have any number of reasons.


#5

If I was forced to guess, I would think it most probably that she stewed in her discontent instead of talking to him about it. If you stew over how mad you are at someone for long enough, particularly if they are totally unaware of how much anger you are carrying around, it does not take long before you collect a very big bag of past grievances.

Once you tend those grievances, nursed them and grown them to market size, and carefully weeded out all the positive memories that might have sprouted up to challenge them, who would be surprised if you can’t remember ever liking a person you’ve deemed so deserving of your obsessive displeasure?!

I think this is far more common that saying your wedding vows while thinking, “I don’t even like this guy, but hey, he doesn’t embarrass me and I’ll never go hungry.”


#6

[quote="Luna_Lovecraft, post:3, topic:273193"]
The only person why can answer that question is his wife.

And the only thing you can do besides pray for them is recommend counseling.

Luna

[/quote]

This is the best answer to the question.


#7

I sincerely hope you realize that there is MUCH more to sexual attraction than good looks and money. If your friend views sexuality in such shallow terms, it’s no wonder that he’s having these issues in his marriage.

It sounds like one or both of them are struggling with deeper issues in their marriage. Maybe they don’t understand how to relate well to one another, maybe they have different priorities, maybe they’ve just lost touch, etc. There are countless reasons why a wife might not feel sexual attraction for her husband, and most of them will have to do with emotional problems that exist within the marriage.

I think counseling is a good suggestion. It will be a good place for both of them to identify where their problems are and start finding constructive ways to deal with those issues. You could also pray for them while they try to work through this.


#8

She’s angry at him, and wants to hurt him. Telling a man that he is not sexually attractive is a sure arrow into his heart. There is no other reason for a woman to say such a thing to a man, especially the man she took vows to love and to honor. Honesty does not begin to give her an excuse to say such painful words. They need counseling. She also may be having an affair. But I won’t go any further. Let’s all pray for them and yes, please suggest that they see a counselor if she will go. She has already hurt him with her horrible statement.


#9

It doesn’t do much for a woman when she hears something like that, either. :frowning:

Yes. I would be very surprised if this outburst wasn’t a symptom of something else, rather than the truth. She might have gotten herself to believe it is the truth, but I find that highly unlikely. It is the kind of thing said in anger or else as a rationalization to justify wrong-doing against one’s marriage.


#10

Water intake also determines the quality of the skin. The greater the intake of water, the better the skin type.


#11

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