A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Confessional

Inspired by ridesawhitehors’ pizza sauce confession story forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?p=636702#post636702, I thought it be fun to post funny confession stories.

O.K. guys, nothing racy or raunchy or that will demean the sacrament.

I had years of sins piled up and, among them, a very embarassing sin. I came up with 3 plans to avoid embarassment.

Plan #1- I’d try to forget the sin.:whistle:

Plan #2-During confession I’d sneak the BIGGIE in unnoticed amid a very long list of smaller sins.:rolleyes:

Plan #3-During confession I’d yawn after the long list of small sins & hope the priest would mistake it for the end of the list and begin absolution.:yawn:

God didn’t like any of my plans. Plan #1 didn’t work, 'cause the harder I’d try to forget the more I’d remember. Plan #2 didn’t work 'cause God allowed me to think Plan #3 was better, and that’s where He got me. He had Father’s and my guardian angels working at it too.

I went into the confessional and knelt behind the screen and began. Then came the yawn, but Father didn’t say anything. I waited a little longer and still NOTHING!. This must be God’s way of saying, “you have to say them all”, I thought, so I blurted it out. And - NOTHING! After Father’s counterpause I peeked around the screen & NO PRIEST!

As i quietly opened the door to leave, I bumped right into the priest. He looked at me then at the “Priest Is In” light then again at me. I sheepishly managed to say, “I just finished my dress rehearsal Father”. After that, I was able to say a good confession.:gopray:

What I Learned

  1. I couldn’t fool God who loves me so much he didn’t want me to have another sin on my soul; after all, there wasn’t room for much more.:heart:

  2. Guardian angels are trained to tag team:thumbsup:

  3. The little green light doesn’t always mean “The Priest is In”; it sometimes means “The Priest has Left the Building; He Just Forgot to Turn Off the Light”:clapping:

I had only been back in the Church a couple of weeks and had made only one big confession (twenty years worth!) with Father at his office.

Having been so many years, I wasn’t sure about confession going forward, new church, what were the confessionals like, etc.

So I’m at church, examining my conscience, shaking in my shoes, swallowing the knot in my stomach. I get up and go get in line. LINE?! Well, at least ten people ahead of me, I figure I have some more time to ponder.

And then…

my cell phone rings inside my purse!!

Horrified at my major blunder, I run out the church doors and outside.

I was much too embarrassed to go back in and get back in line.

Needless to say - ever since, I have made sure I leave my phone in the car when I go into church.

=)
Fiz

On Good Friday, a number of priests were hearing confessions, so a lot of priests were outside of the regular confessionals. I was waiting in line for one priest, and then someone came down from the choir loft. She said that the priest upstairs was available. The people in front of me in line wanted to wait for the priest they were in line for, so I went upstairs. The door to the choir loft was closed, so I stood there for a minute to collect my thoughts, make sure I remembered my sins, and pray for the grace of a good confession. I was also nervous because Holy Week had been especially difficult for me in terms of level of temptations, so I was probably also trying to put off the moment when I had to go in. As I was praying/worrying/waiting, the door to the choir loft opens and hits me in the face. The priest had wanted to make sure the door was open so people knew he was available and hadn’t realized that I was on the other side of the door. I guess it was God’s way of telling me to get on with it.

Another story from someone else I knew. She was going to confession behind the screen. Before beginning her confession, she said, “Hi Father _______.” The priest looked around the screen to return her greeting.

After I had really tried to prepare for my confession & decided how to present my sins, I went in and began. After an embarassing 2 min. the priest asked, “Is there a sin in there somewhere?”

I decided that must be part of the definition of scrupulousity, “having overlystrict moral integrity; must be confirmed by a priest who during confession asks, ‘Is there a in there somewhere?’”

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