A Funny Thing Happened Today on the Way to Mass

What’s the funniest thing that ever happened to you at Mass? At adoration? On retreat?

I felt a call to pray one night and so I drove down to our perpetual adoration chapel. There’s really nothing like the good night sleep you get after praying “Now you let your searvant go in peace, your word has been fulfilled…” and “Into your hands I commend my spirit” from compline.

Anyway, there were two men in the chapel and as the hour drew to a close, one got up and went through a vesibule and into the bathroom. He spent a few minutes in the restroom and then I heard him, clear as a bell, say, “Whew! That stinks!”

Another minute went by and I heard him say, “Oh my goodness!” “Wow, that was baaaad!” and such things.

I’m like, Ohhhhh Kaaaay…?

The other guy in the chapel looks at Jesus, sighs, closes his eyes, bows his head and says, “Sorry, Lord.” Then he looks at me and says, “I pray for him often.”

-Tim-

Just before Vespers at the abbey one evening, an elderly monk too elderly to process in as he walked with a walker, normally would take his stall about 5 minutes before Vespers started. As he was sitting in his stall, a deranged lady in one of the church pews (well-known locally) opened the gate to the choir and sanctuary, walked up to the altar, placed something on the altar, and walked back to her pew, much to the wide-eyed consternation of the poor monk who was too frail to do anything about it.

Another time at Mass, we could hear a very loud voice coming from the back of the church. It was very annoying and we thought, rude of someone to speak so loudly. I am an oblate of the monastery and attend Mass there every Sunday so I thought I would walk back and politely ask the person to keep quiet, when I realized that the voice was from someone in the confessional, confessing to the poor priest-monk who ended up missing Mass because the lady kept him there for well into half the Mass. She must have had a lot on her conscience!

However I do know that the monk who listens to confessions before Mass is a very gentle and kind soul (he’s also my confessor) and I am sure bore his ordeal with patience and humility.

hahahah! Hard to top this one

I was hesitant to post and my concience actually bothered me last night. I want to say that I meant no irreverance to our Lord or to anyone on these forums. Human beings are funny creatures though…

Last week during Mass, being the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, Father used incense, quite a bit in fact. Now the deacon and priest were coming down from the sanctuary to distribute communion to the faithful. The deacon sneezed as he came down the steps, what with all the incense and all, and his microphone was live.

We have a BIG parish and several hundred people - just like it was the Great Amen or something - all said, “God bless you” in unison. The deacon’s eyes got wide and his head went back a little and he said, “I’ve never been blessed by a whole congregation before.” We all had a subdued chuckle, trying to be reverent yet enjoying humor and irony in the moment.

Everyone recieve communion with a smile that day.

True story.

A reporter asked Pope John XXIII how many people worked at the Vatican. He replied, “About half.”

We had a parishioner who was morbidly obese.

He was bringing up the gifts and stopped with an alarmed look on his face–his hands were full with the gifts, and his pants fell to the floor.

He and everyone cracked up laughing–and people jumped up to help him, too.

One of the funniest Mass moments evah.

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