Please only Catholics respond. And I pray you do, as I am in need of your help.
I really have some questions, and like many people I have come to form these questions from personal experience, which I must explain to some extent.
I was raised in the church of the Nazarene, due to the influence of my dear grandmother. My mother, who I lived with most of the time lived in sin for much of my growing years (until later), and never knew my father. The Church does recognize the baptism which I received in the Nazarene church, and so I know that I’ve received Jesus through confession and through baptism.
Fast-forward to my adult life, I was married to a charismatic (“Full Gospel”) minister and after 9 years and no children we did divorce. And I later remarried and remain in this marriage. We are currently not attending any church. Throughout my adult life I have been rather studious in Scriptures and have come to realize that so much of the doctrine I had received was “off” just enough that the very Word of God had actually fallen upon ground that was truly NOT ready for a truthful interpretation of the Gospel. As I’ve looked on further, I can see that I have missed the ultimate calling to be fully a part of God’s Holy Church in full communion…
I’ve attended the local Catholic Church many times. At one point I spoke at length with the priest, who was very kind, regarding options I may have to become Catholic. He explained the option of annulment of my first marriage, so that I may go through the learning processes and confirmation and be eligible to receive the sacraments of the Church. What I find is that my conscience will not allow me to seek annulment, as doing so would indeed greatly offend my first husband. It would basically call the marriage void and I cannot do this in a fully Christian spirit. I do not believe (and I hope you can confirm this) that my salvation and relationship with Jesus is void if I do not become fully reconciled to the Church; however, I know in my heart and soul that doing so would benefit me greatly. But while I would benefit myself greatly, as I have prayed and prayed over this, it is wrong for me to be benefited at the hurt of another Christian (my first husband).
So now that I have explained this situation, my greatest question is, of what parts of the Church, of God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit and the Blessed Mother may I partake? Can God still bless my life? Can He use me in His service as a wife and (now, through adoption) a mother?
My heart is so heavy. I am grieving the opportunity that I lost, forfeited. What possible revelations of TRUTH will I be permitted to receive? Oh how I wish I could start all over. I deeply call out to Jesus for His help, from my lips but so much more with words unspoken. I know I am nothing, that I deserve nothing. I feel that I am only partly God’s because of these things. So far I only find comfort in Romans Chapter 8. I don’t know how to actually establish a relationship with Mary, but I do feel honor for her gentleness and am greatly in need of her comfort and wisdom. And of God’s protection of my soul.
Thank you for reading.