I am posted on these forums only a couple of times, and usually only because I am confused in my life. I was discerning the Priesthood from 2010-2013 and finally decided that since there was so much confusion on should or should not, that I decided to leave it into the hands of God. A priest told me that I should date for a little while and see what happens because he feared that because of my parents divorce, I might be inwardly running from marriage.
A year ago, I met an amazing women that I have fallen for and would like to marry. Seems easy right? Marry her. The only problem is that I still get thoughts of the Priesthood and religious life and I don’t know if its because of my current situation or what. I graduated college in August, I have $78000 worth of student loan debt, I have applied to literally hundreds of jobs and I have only had three interviews, all of which never called me back. I want to marry this women, but with no job opportunity and all this debt I am literally being crushed in despair and I feel hopeless. We both have asked the question if God is keeping me from getting a job because he wants me to be a Priest. At first I said ‘God wouldn’t do that’, but now I don’t know.
My desire for the Priesthood is no longer there, my desire is to marry this women, but I don’t know what to do with these thoughts, I don’t know what to make of all this and I asked my parish priest and he told me not to worry about them; that he feels God is calling me to marriage not the Priesthood.
I don’t make enough money to afford an apartment (been staying at a buddies for the past six months), let alone pay these student loans. I know that theologically speaking, God does not punish us, rather we punish ourselves by our own sin, but why won’t God hear my prayer? Why won’t he help me? I’ve begged him non-stop for the past three months for help and yet I receive nothing but silence. The only blessings I have in my life are: 1) a good friend, 2) an amazing girlfriend and 3) my Master’s program online at Steubenville. Yet, these don’t help me deal with this problem and it weighs my soul.