Does anybody here think it’s okay to ask about unrecognized numbers on your hubby’s…or wifey’s if you are a man…cell phone bill? I mean asking them shouldn’t get them upset right?
[quote=WindyFire12]Does anybody here think it’s okay to ask about unrecognized numbers on your hubby’s…or wifey’s if you are a man…cell phone bill? I mean asking them shouldn’t get them upset right?
As long as you ask in a neutral or curious tone, I don’t see why it should bother them. Of course, if you sound angry or accusatory, they might react to your voice without thinking through that you are asking a resonable question.
Tone, context and the other person’s mood at the time might have an effect. I pay the bills and I make sure I know that we made all of the long distance calls so I have asked about numbers I didn’t recognize.
I don’t see anything wrong with asking. When you are married you have a right to know these things.
Unfortunately, my wife was unfaithful in the past and as a result I am now more observant. I do regularily ask about phone numbers I don’t recognize and sometimes she does get upset. But as deb1 pointed out it’s probably how I word the question. She probably feels like I am accusing her of hiding something which is not the case.
Before the unfaithfulness I didn’t ask about anything. I overlooked things that I would no longer overlook thinking it was nothing. In fact, the person she was unfaithful with would call our house and ask to speak to her. I was incredibly naive to say, “sure, let me get her” thinking it was nothing. I’ve learned now that a husband/wife should ask about things like numbers on a cell phone bill and the spouse should not get upset about being asked. I think if they do get upset it’s because of the way it’s asked -or- because they are trying to cover something up.
That depends on the situation and circumstances surrounding the discovery. You have to ask yourself if you’re prepared to confront your spouse with suspicions of infidelity because if you engage them with that line of questioning you’re definitely going there. If there indeed is something to it then all you’ll do nothing more than force them to be more cautious. If there isn’t then you run the risk of opening pandoras box. Unless you have an affinity for crisis management I’d leave well enough alone. Just my $0.02.
I would have no problem asking my hubby and he would have no problem asking me. Sometimes we even joke about it…he sees a number and says “who’s number is that?” and I say, “one of my boyfriends”…but that only works because we both know it is a total joke.
If hubby asked me about a number and I got mad for any reason (bad day, his tone, etc) I would apologize as soon as I realized that it was a legitimate question and that I reacted badly.
If he got mad if i asked and it never got resolved I would definitely be very suspicious.
I have no reason at all to be suspicious and regularly look through hubby’s phone logs. Most often right in front of him. The conversation usually goes:
“You didn’t tell me your mother called.”
“Yeah, about an hour ago.”
“Oh! Yeah… I forgot. She called while you were across the street.”
“What did she want?”
“For me to answer a computer question…”
“Oh. Who is this 587 number that called yesterday?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t recognize it so I didn’t answer.”
“Did they leave a message?”
"I didn’t check."
I then call his voice mail and listen to the message, passing it on or handing the phone over if he needs to listen.
Granted, we also have all of our email accounts visible on every computer and the same conversation usually ensues with emails as well.
I can’t imagine being told that anything in my husbands life was not my concern, but I have heard of marriages in which the spouses expect some degree of privacy. I call it secretiveness. What could he be doing that he doesn’t want you to know about? You are his wife and deserve to know everything. That’s my point of view, at least. But I know other marriages do not subscribe to it…
Funny part is, with how forgetful I can be, my wife has actually asked about numbers that I have called that I forget who they were. Personally, I think it’s fine on another issue of making sure that you are being properly charged, and not being charged for a call you didn’t make.
So, since I can’t answer, just to make her feel good, I call the number right then and there with her to see who it was. I’ve gotten a few good laughs from friends this way. Or it ends up being a business I don’t regularly call, but may have had to call once.
But no, I don’t see a problem with asking either way.