A huge problem.. pls help


#1

I am a good Catholic--at least I try to be. Go to mass every sunday, frequent confession, etc. I am 16 yrs old. However i recently became aware taht my 13 yr old brother is sexually active. Is it a sin to keep this from my parents? Is it aiding or defending or keeping his sin secret to not tell them? Should I go to confession, and/or act? What do I do? Please help!


#2

Well, that is a very difficult situation. Let me say I am gladdened by the fact that you are concerned and looking out for your brother. I know if my brother was doing like your brother is I would definitely confront him over it.

First thing to do would be to talk to a priest. This is a very delicate situation you’re dealing with. You want to get your brother to stop, but you don’t want him to be chased off from the Church. Trust me, he’s not the only young man to have this struggle.

Follow your priest’s advice. He will know what to do.

I highly suspect he will tell you to inform your parents. It is their job to raise your brother. Maybe the priest, your parents, and your brother could all meet on the matter.

If you tell your parents, I suggest you determine which one is usually a little slower to anger, and tell them. I’m not saying that the parent with the shorter temper shouldn’t know, but I think that the calmer parent will be able to manage the situation more effectively before bringing it up with their spouse.

Also, confront your brother on this. Tell him that you love him dearly, and that you feel that the road he’s going down will only cause him heartbreak. Don’t talk about Hell or anything, that’ll just make him afraid.

In addition to this, start talking to your brother about avoiding alcohol and drugs as well.

I remember when my brother first found out about the old birds and the bees. I knew Mom and Dad had talked to him about it, but I thought that getting an opinion from someone closer to his age would be helpful as well. I told him that I always believed that sex is something we gotta treat with great respect. Never think of girls as sex objects, but as wonderful, beautiful friends that we men are called to cherish and protect. Although I left most of the stuff up to Mom and Dad, from what I can tell, he has been very good about being chaste.

Focus on the idea of being respectful to women. I always found that to be really effective.


#3

You're sure about this? If so, yes, it is a huge problem, way above your pay grade. Tell your parents so they can help your brother.

Betsy


#4

Thank you for your replies. See, the issue lies such that my parents and the parish priest know each other well and my brother is also an altar boy :confused::confused:


#5

Hmm…that does add to the issue.

However, I can see a possible good thing coming out of this. The closeness of the priest and your parents means that a dialogue between them is more likely.

This does change the situation, still. To talk to the priest first might need to be put aside for a second. I believe that you must tell your parents first since the situation is different now. But you must tell your parents. Like I said, approach the parent you think is going to be a bit more understanding (for lack of a better word). We do not want to scare away your brother from the faith.

I suggest (depending on your time zone, it’s 1 am where I am) you do this tomorrow when everyone is home.

Do realize that this might create some temporary animosity between you and your brother. As humans, we dislike being corrected. However, if you do this in a mature fashion, I do believe that, in time, you will not only heal the relationship between you and your brother, but you will strengthen it greatly.

May God bless you, and may He guide you and your family in these times. Remember, always, that God loves you.


#6

See, I would rather do this in an anonimous way (if possible) I would rather have him not know it was me if this is possible. I am so lost!!


#7

Well, you can bring that up with your parents. I doubt they would tell him that you were the one that informed them. He’ll probably chock it up to them discovering something he forgot to hide.


#8

I guess my real question is,

There are 9 ways to participate in anothers sin.
By counsel
By command
By consent
By provocation
By praise or flattery
By concealment
By partaking
By silence
By defense of the ill done

And, am I sinful or committing a sin against God if I do not tell my parents or the priest?


#9

There you go. Not telling = concealing and silence


#10

yes i know... but this situation is so difficult. I have never been in this situation before, or anything like it. But, Deo volente, I will get through it =\


#11

[quote="Johnsoa13, post:10, topic:194391"]
yes i know... but this situation is so difficult. I have never been in this situation before, or anything like it. But, Deo volente, I will get through it =\

[/quote]

God is with you, my friend. I hope everything goes well. Peace be with you.


#12

[quote="Johnsoa13, post:1, topic:194391"]
I am a good Catholic--at least I try to be. Go to mass every sunday, frequent confession, etc. I am 16 yrs old. However i recently became aware taht my 13 yr old brother is sexually active. Is it a sin to keep this from my parents? Is it aiding or defending or keeping his sin secret to not tell them? Should I go to confession, and/or act? What do I do? Please help!

[/quote]

To make it more understandable, did you know that Sex costs the body a huge amount of energy?

In short: The more sex you have the shorter you are going to live.

Sex is to produce offspring to further the human race.

Masturbation is different. It costs energy but it actually benefits. Usually during child and teenage development, masturbation helps develop them quicker.

You should try to find a way to help it. Having sex that early will have consequences on his personality and body in the future.

So instead of looking at it in just a religious point of view. Look at it scientifically so that it is easier to get help on it. Whether it is to convince your brother, or to seek help from others.


#13

YOU LIE!!!

Everyone ignore this. That’s not true even from a biological standpoint. This is a Catholic Forum and we will not tolerate lies being spread as if it were virtue.


#14

Thank you, thank you, thank you for having the guts to confront this poster. I was so horrified to see things that are scientifically untrue and totally unChristian being posted as generally accepted fact that I just stared in disbelief for a couple of moments. Every one of that poster’s assertions flies in the face of medical science and is an insult to Jesus and His teachings.


#15

This is absolutely WRONG!
First, medical science has shown that a person that has regular orgasms can add years to their lives. Apparently a healthy expression of one’s sexuality has a health-boosting effect.
Second, it has been shown in psychological and medical studies that masturbation leads to more focus upon sexuality, to more frequent masturbation, and to becoming physically sexually mature faster than our mental and emotional faculties are prepared to handle. The same is true for underage fornication; it causes the bodies of young people to grow up too fast, and they are not emotionally or mentally ready to handle it.
Third, sexual intercourse is meant to happen within the bounds of marriage, and marriage is meant to provide a safe place for a sexual relationship and for the raising of children that might result. (not to mention the fact that in marriage spouses are to encourage each other in holiness…)
Fourth, medical science has also shown that sex does not require all that much energy. It makes evolutionary and biological sense; an act which may produce offspring (i.e. children) should not so tax the organism so as to render it vulnerable. The amount of calories burnt up in an average encounter of sexual intercourse is actually quite low.
I haven’t actually hunted up links to back up my rebuttal, but these are just a few of the interesting scientific tidbits I came across (and theological premises too) in my years of reading about studies pertaining to the human body. I just couldn’t not post my rebuttal to Black Angel, when so much of what they said is so out of touch with reality, scientific and theological. If anybody is actually interested, I will try to hunt up some links for this.


#16

I agree with you one hundred percent. But this poster probably was posting this rubbish because they know it’ll get a response. It’'s really not worth it.


#17

Tell your parents. They have a right to know.

If your 13-year-old son was sexually active, wouldn’t you want to know? Wouldn’t you be disappointed that an older sibling knew about it and said nothing?

Tell 'em.


#18

Best advice I can give is this: Tell your parents, they need to know what your brother is up too. They will be better equipped to handle this situation than you are.


#19

Anyone who knows that a 13 year old is having sex should tell the kids parents.


#20

At 13 one cannot even begin to consent to sex. it's a big red flag for abuse or other problems. If someone who's 14 touches him then their life as they know it is over, and if your brother engages in a sexual act with someone 12 or younger and it comes to light then he will be labeled a sexual predator for the REST OF HIS LIFE. There has been a complete loss if rational thought in this area and people are swift to ruin kid's lives right now...eg life long sex offender status for sexting at 13 or 14.

Yes, tell your parents. After that it's out of your hands.


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.