Some may remember me from before, it has been some time since i've been on here. However, I would just like to express some thoughts and challenges that I have and pray that perhaps some can be conquered.
For 23 years I have called the LDS church home. It's the religion of my childhood and the religion that I currently am baptized in. However, when I think of home, i think of love and more recently than ever I've realized something, I feel no love. The LDS church is a social network, where friends can be made without even trying, I feel that this has masked my vision and deterred me from feeling loved. I felt important rather than loved. I felt wanted rather than needed. Numbers.....it is the back bone of the LDS church. Every general conference or stake conference you hear about numbers. How they've grown and how important numbers are. No one thinks about the person. Our network is a mask, a mask for those who only want to feel important. I'm tired of wearing the mask and i'm tired of calling a place home, when it feels more like a prison.
I love the LDS people. I am not here to bash on them or to belittle our religion. I am simply here to try and find a home. A place where I can feel loved by Christ and love Him back. If it is not the LDS church that I can call home then its time for me to look elsewhere. I am currently taking a Christian History class at BYU and has led me to the roots of Christianity. I'll start with Christ and the apostles, then I'll go from there. If you know of any documents that you feel would benefit me on my journey I would greatly appreciate it. I know this is more of a babble than anything else but I just felt like someone here could help me. God bless everyone.