a prayer for help

Dearest Jesus,

I feel like there’s a great struggle for my soul, and in that struggle I’m constantly the loser. I really hope you exist - because if you don’t, then I guess I’m just insane. I don’t know what you think of me, Jesus. One moment I’m told that you thirst for me, that you love me so much that you wish to die for me again and again, but then, when I sin, you express your anger in terms which cause me to despair. I wish I could bear criticisms for your sake, Lord, like you bore the criticisms levelled against you while on the cross, but I’m not strong enough: I’m so horribly weak that I can hardly bear my own weight up. Week after week I am reduced like Job to all but the ashes from which I came, and week after week, just when I wish that I could curse your holy name, I seek your assistance for where else can my help come? There is nobody on this Earth, Lord, who dares or cares to understands my many bruises and scrapes and lashings and pains, no one who can heal that which wounds me as they tend to their own wounds; only you, sweetest Jesus, only you care enough to tend to me in my great, overwhelming darknesses. I’m so sorry, Jesus, for offending you, for not relying on your grace, for being such a deplorable person at times, for taking advantage of others, for being such a sinful person, for having these defects which cause others so much pain as well. I wish I could hide from the world so that it might not cause me anymore pain and that I might not cause anybody else anymore pain. In my lack of charity, in my pride and selfishness, what have I done in recent days, Lord, but cause trouble? Forgive me, Lord, and help me for I’m just a poor broken creature lost along these pathways, searching for answers but only finding brambles and thorns and a host of dangerous pitfalls. Have mercy on me, Jesus, in your great loving kindness. Dry these tears which have flowed so rampantly in these recent days, and gives me the strength to not rebel against you as I’ve done to my great loss and chagrin. Bear me up from this muck and mud which I’ve lodged myself in, oh Jesus, for your child is so helpless. I have nothing without you, dearest Jesus. I am nothing without you. Forgive me.

Praying with Bible verses from today’s Liturgy of the Hours:

Mid-morning reading (Terce) Deuteronomy 1:31 ©
The Lord carried you, as a man carries his child, all along the road you travelled.

Noon reading (Sext) Baruch 4:28-29 ©
As by your will you first strayed away from God, so now turn back and search for him ten times as hard; for as he brought down those disasters on you, so will he rescue you and give you eternal joy.

Afternoon reading (None) Wisdom 1:13-15 ©
Death was not God’s doing, he takes no pleasure in the extinction of the living. To be – for this he created all; the world’s created things have health in them, in them no fatal poison can be found, and Hades holds no power on earth; for virtue is undying.

I’m sorry for posting this. I was coming back to delete it because only a Pharisee prays in public. Forgive me. I hope one of the mods deletes this thread because I’m requesting it so.

I’m glad I was able to read your prayer before it may be deleted. You pray beautifully. I feel all the same things for myself, if only I could put my own contrition into words as well as you have done here. Thank you for sharing your prayer. I will pray for your continued contrition and repentance, please pray for mine as well.

In Your hands, Lord

Mate, I don’t know if this is the sort of thing you might need, but it’s what i wrote one time years ago when feeling totally yuk about myself. Actually I don’t know that words are much use when you so upset, but here goes…

In failure
Jesus, I put my trust in the apparent failure of the Cross, for You are condemned to a criminal’s execution and it seems that Your mission has failed, You who alone could redeem humanity.

Who can accept that it is God-incarnate whose sweat and blood drips into the dust, from Your drained, dishonoured body! Yet Your human cry of abandonment by the Father is belied by the triumph of love and faith in Your final confident submission. You die, but You have not betrayed the Father’s trust.

Jesus, to my sadness, I fail in many ways and sin against others by my failures. Have I betrayed Your will or mistaken Your purpose? Will You restore me to grace now, Jesus? To do what? Will You show me? Will You fuse together the broken pieces—of my life, of my service—to make a new and better creation? Am I to step around the fragments and to pass another way?

I ask to walk with certainty along the path of holiness that You choose uniquely for me. If not, then please allow me the certainty of buoyant faith. I ask courage to continue through the enveloping fog, trusting each small moment to the illumination of faith and grace.

Jesus out of my failure and sorrow You will bring healing and goodness luminescent as priceless pearls grown around grains of suffering, for Your glory, and for others’ remedy and blessing.

Okay, worth a try, lots more where that came from.
Take care, Trishie

I will put you in my Prayers. God Bless.

Your cry for help is not like the Pharisse prayer that Jesus condemed.

Hail Mary,
full of grace,
the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the Fruit Of Thy Womb,
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.

Epistemes my friend
I am so sorry you are feeling this …but…what a lovely prayer you ended up writing
well done.I wil continue to pray for you and just remember we are all sinners none of us are perfect especially me.
God bless you

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