A question of sex/masturbation

I’m in the Army and away from my wife often, either on deployment or in schools or some kind of training. We both miss each others company,especially in the bedroom so when we can, we’ll send each other pictures or maybe even Skype. And usually when this happens we both end up masturbating. Is this still wrong?

Yes, it is still wrong.

It’s always wrong, even if you do it with the best intent.

Yes-- manual stimulation or otherwise, unless it consummates in the proper form of the marital act, it’s a sin and it is grave matter. Done with consent and knowledge of the gravity of the matter, it’s mortal.

Avoid the situation entirely. Get rid of the photos you have-- it’s the only way. Take refuge in the Lord. Struggle against your desires even if it seems insurmountable, and take strength in the Scriptures.

Wisdom of Ben Sirach, 6:
“2 Fall not into the grip of desire, lest, like fire, it consume your strength;
3 Your leaves it will eat, your fruits destroy, and you will be left a dry tree,
4 For contumacious desire destroys its owner and makes him the sport of his enemies.”

“18 My son, from your youth embrace discipline; thus will you find wisdom with graying hair.
19 As though plowing and sowing, draw close to her; then await her bountiful crops.
20 For in cultivating her you will labor but little, and soon you will eat of her fruits.
21 How irksome she is to the unruly! The fool cannot abide her.
22 She will be like a burdensome stone to test him, and he will not delay in casting her aside.
23 For discipline is like her name, she is not accessible to many.
24 Listen, my son, and heed my advice; refuse not my counsel.
25 Put your feet into her fetters, and your neck under her yoke.
26 Stoop your shoulders and carry her and be not irked at her bonds.
27 With all your soul draw close to her; with all your strength keep her ways.
28 Search her out, discover her; seek her and you will find her. Then when you have her, do not let her go;
29 Thus will you afterward find rest in her, and she will become your joy.
30 Her fetters will be your throne of majesty; her bonds, your purple cord.
31 You will wear her as your robe of glory, bear her as your splendid crown.
32 My son, if you wish, you can be taught; if you apply yourself, you will be shrewd.
33 If you are willing to listen, you will learn; if you give heed, you will be wise.
34 Frequent the company of the elders; whoever is wise, stay close to him.
35 Be eager to hear every godly discourse; let no wise saying escape you.
36 If you see a man of prudence, seek him out; let your feet wear away his doorstep!
37 Reflect on the precepts of the LORD, let his commandments be your constant meditation; Then he will enlighten your mind, and the wisdom you desire he will grant.”

But in this case that would be to sever ties with his wife. :confused:

Thank you for your service:thumbsup:

I have to agree with the others. Its not pure. Im in a far better situation than you, and i still fall prey to this…so I sympathize but dont support. I dont know if you are in the service for personal gain, for men, or for God…maybe a mix? But either God has called you to, or you have committed to a sacrifice in your sex life. Live it willingly and with happiness. If you ever think its too much, remember our Pastors! They have given this up for good…you for only a time.

PS…i will try to take my own advice as well;)

I’m sorry, but that feels wrong in sooo many levels… :whistle:

Chastity leads people to perfection and purity. It may take a bit of time to get used to it, but it’s far better than masturbating. It’s still lust, even if it is with your own wife.

It’s a high bar that takes its time to reach, but it’s better than Skype sex. That’s just… ugh

Why would he sever ties with his wife? All he has to do is not have Skype sex. :rolleyes:

OP, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Stop the masturbation and Skype sex. My husband and I have go through times apart too. I know it can be difficult when your hormones try to get the best of you, but it is still wrong.

on the hill— It’s not to say severing ties with his wife. But it is to say, avoiding such occasions that cause sin.
1 Cor 7
5 So do not deprive each other of sexual relations. The only exception to this rule would be the agreement of both husband and wife to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time, so they can give themselves more completely to prayer. Afterward they should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt them because of their lack of self-control. 6 This is only my suggestion. It’s not meant to be an absolute rule.

Currently, they have no option but to deprive each other of sexual relations (because proper sexual functions cannot possibly occur at this time) and thus they must refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time.

It is a burden they have, I assume, willingly taken upon themselves. And it is not easy. But Paul does not say “hide from your wife at every occasion! Sever all ties with her!” He simply says refrain from sexual intimacy.

Don’t wear revealing clothing while you skype. Don’t talk about sex. Don’t talk about things that may arouse you or her. Don’t send or receive attractive photos that are bound to arouse. Discuss the issue, why it is important to God, and when you have questions, bring them up with a priest; don’t rely on justifications (well… if I don’t masturbate… so it’s better that I do) because these are from disorder, not from God.

I think masturbation is a natural and safe means of quelling desire. This is my opinion and I know that it is at odds with the churches! You and your wife belong to each other. Christ said that if we look lustfully on a woman we commit adultery. When you look on your own wife full of desire and passion, and she at you, are you committing adultery? Paul said that we should consent to each others sexual desire [if married] by agreement to avoid outside temptation. When Solomon wrote the following of his wife was he engaging in mental foreplay?

**Song of Solomon 7:6-9 ESV **

How beautiful and pleasant you are, O loved one, with all your delights! Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit. Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine. It goes down smoothly for my beloved, gliding over lips and teeth.

There are many references to reviled sexual practices in scripture, but not one word on masturbation? If its forbidden and considered a sin like sodomy, homosexuality, adultery, bestiality etc why is it never stated as such when every other sexual act is? Many faithful will cite Onan and Tamar as an anti masturbation narrative but, it has nothing to do with masturbation or spilling seed. Its about Onan refusing to give Tamar a child and disobeying God.

You love your wife and she loves you,…**“The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not rule over her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not rule over his own body, but the wife does. Do not refuse one another”… ** Paul Corinthians 7

PS My brother went through chemo a few years ago and was having trouble conceiving a child with his wife. He had to masturbate to produce a semen sample. His Preist told him he had committed and I quote him directly …

                                           " a morally reprehensible act"

My brother now has four children.

Yes, it is at odds to say the least. Your opinion is flawed. :shrug:

From the CCC:

2352 By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. “Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of** the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action**.”

“The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.” For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of “the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved.”

OK, now I know that masturbation is the only sin we discuss here.

Yes, it is a sin, no matter if you are married or not. And in this case I don’t think there are any circumstances that may [almost] justify your action. But I do understand both of you, and hope you will have a chance in the [near?] future to be toghether more.

I am sure you will confess, and Gods mercy will forgive you.

But, when I say it is wrong, and that you need to stop, I face a new problem, my own sins. Jesus did say “the one without sin may cast the first stone”, so all I can say is that is wrong, but I do accuse nor judge, I understand and I can easily relate to your problem, I am a sinner, so I it is not my thing to tell you it is wrong, I am telling it because I know it is wrong, not because I think I am better then you, or anyone on this forum. I sure feel bad for you. God bless you.

I do not think what the poster is describing is necessarily lust. I desire to experience sexual union with my wife sometimes, when we are apart. If this experience of desire is the near occasion of sin to me, I should avoid it. But I should avoid it because it leads to masturbation, not because my desire for my wife is necessarily lustful.

Maybe I’m nuts here, but I don’t think there’s anything intrinsically wrong with revealing one’s body to one’s spouse over Skype. We belong to each other. I agree that it is weird, but weirdness is not sin. Now, if seeing my wife’s naked body makes me need to masturbate, that’s the near occasion of sin, so I shouldn’t do it. But it’s not the action itself that is wrong, only the action in context.

The problem with masturbation in such a scenario is, among other reasons, that it is NOT an expression of our belonging. I do not share myself with my wife by ejaculating on my own stomach. But looking at one another is sharing something intimate and good.

I wasn’t really pointing out that seeing the wife’s body is a particular sin, but when they’re apart it’s pretty tempty (especially for the guy) to do it. Masturbating ignores any proper part of intimacy and it usually goes down to pleasure while thinking about having sex with someone, which goes a bit to the lust ‘danger zone’, and it’s what it seems to be happening with the OP.

If you can check your wife without having neither temptation nor falling into masturbation, I congratulate your chastity. That’s way over most men are able to resist, including myself… :slight_smile:

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