A question only for men, how to stop committing this sin

Hi
Unfortunately I’m guilty of masturbation. I’m in my late 20’s, and I started committing such sin when i was a teen, and unfortunately, it wasn’t until 2 years ago that I discovered that masturbation was a mortal sin. I go to confession every week, I pray the rosary every day, I try to go to daily mass, I read the Bible everyday , I pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet, I fast once a week, I watch EWTN every day, including the daily mass. What am I doing wrong? why can’t I stop committing this sin every 3 days or so?
I have heard that engaging in sports or so can help to defeat this sin, however I run almost every day, and i lift weights… and i’m still committing this sin.
I suffer from social anxiety, so i have never had any friend, and sometimes i think about how unlikely is the possibility of me ever getting married, since i’m not funny nor confident nor a leader, and when i think about those things i can’t help but commit such disgusting sin.

how can i stop committing this sin? please help me.
thank you
May the Lord bless you

It’s not so difficult to stop. Just s bit of self control and stop thinking of yourself as a victim of this urge. You are the perpetrator, not the victim. If you really want to stop, you will.

It’s not the perfect solution, but I like watching videos about religion, documentaries, and so
forth, on my laptop, things that interest me more. The key, I think, (along with prayer etc) is
to not only stop and leave plenty of free time or an empty void rather, but fill it up, make free
time more interesting than that. I like watching video debates between Trinity and Oneness,
some on debunking Mormonism, etc.

Again, it’s not the perfect solution, but it helps.

I don’t know that there’s one “silver bullet” that is THE solution for every single man (besides grace, of course). But here is another suggestion regarding your own disciplines.

I think it helps to study and learn the Church’s theology of the body and the sacredness of one’s gifts of fertility. This can help mature the soul beyond thinking that in order to be “content” one must engage in sexual activity, which is a fallacy. It also helps to understand the damage caused by illicit sexual activity. Even with masturbation, I think C.S. Lewis offers excellent insight:
*For me the real evil of masturbation would be that it takes an appetite which, in lawful use, leads the individual out of himself to complete (and correct) his own personality in that of another (and finally in children and even grandchildren) and turns it back; sends the man back into the prison of himself, there to keep a harem of imaginary brides.

And this harem, once admitted, works against his ever getting out and really uniting with a real woman.

For the harem is always accessible, always subservient, calls for no sacrifices or adjustments, and can be endowed with erotic and psychological attractions which no woman can rival.

Among those shadowy brides he is always adored, always the perfect lover; no demand is made on his unselfishness, no mortification ever imposed on his vanity.

In the end, they become merely the medium through which he increasingly adores himself…After all, almost the main work of life is to come out of our selves, out of the little dark prison we are all born in. Masturbation is to be avoided as all things are to be avoided which retard this process. The danger is that of coming to love the prison.”

  • Personal Letter From Lewis to Keith Masson (found in The Collected Letters of C.S. Lewis, Volume 3)*Courtesy of Matt Fradd’s blog.

Meditate on the Passion. Keep busy. Ask Jesus and Mary for help.

Sure, it’s not difficult to stop. It’s difficult to WANT to stop. Especially when masturbation is the way you deal with stress.

get a web filter, lock out porn sites, and have a friend make up a password and not tell you. maybe keep an accountability partner. two ideas. Good luck, brother! I know how difficult this is.

Catholicguy25,

I would encourage you to seek friendships. First and foremost, a friendship with the Lord. Let your Heavenly Father talk to you about who you are and how much He loves you. I assure you that He loves you very much – and not only that, He likes you, too!

Secondly, seek out good and holy friendships among God’s people. Ask the Lord to move in your heart and relieve your anxiety. When you talk to someone who is a potential friend, say, at church or some such place, immediately tell them that you have problems with social anxiety. Be open about it.

Masturbation is a bad fruit here, it’s not the disease. Once you allow the Lord to work on the disease, the bad fruit will be easier to get rid of.

:thumbsup:

Set your your phone background, computer wallpaper and also hang up pictures/icons of Christ, Mary, or the Saints. If you get the urge, look around. It’s a pretty solid defense for spirituality in general.

When quitting a porn addiction, you have to withstand a period of withdrawal. This is a chemical addiction and there are no artificial ways of coping. You have to quit cold turkey. Weaning yourself off does not work with this addiction. Here is some information on the withdrawal: yourbrainonporn.com/what-does-withdrawal-from-porn-look-like

You need to realize intellectually that you have to suffer through the withdrawal stage or you will never overcome it. There is no way around it. If you fall in after few days, you will have to start over with the withdrawal stage. It is hard but sucking it up and not giving in is the only way to get past the withdrawal. Avail yourself of the Sacraments often. Pray often. Pray when temptation hits. Short little prayers are good.

From the Desert Fathers:
Abba Macarius was asked, ‘How should one pray?’ The old man said, ‘There is no need at all to make long discourses; it is enough to stretch out one’s hands and say, “Lord, as you will, and as you know, have mercy.” And if the conflict grows fiercer say, “Lord, help!” He knows very well what we need and he shews us his mercy.’

Revelation 3: 19 As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten. Therefore be zealous and repent. 20 Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me. 21 To him who overcomes I will grant to sit with Me on My throne, as I also overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne. 22 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches." ’ "

My suggestion is to go to the source the problem. Usually there are two factors that weaken your will to stop. One is to obtain the gratification that comes from feeling loved, if you do not feel loved you develop social anxieties and seek gratification in an improper manner. That physical satisfaction in turn becomes an automatic response to turn away from situations of anxiety ad it becomes a vicious cycle because you end up loosing the capability of being gratified in a normal manner.

Allow yourself to feel loved, I do not know about the people around you but I am sure that God always loves you and so you have to truly accept his parental love and allow that to gratify you. Once you truly learn to enjoy God’s love you start to break the vicious cycle of anxieties and the quest for the wrong gratification.

In parallel you can learn techniques to control your anxieties when they start acting up and maybe a good counselor could help you with that. I said “good” because I know of some counselors, even with PhDs, that would suggest masturbation to deal with anxieties and that is the dumbest hing that I ever heard, next they could tell you to get drunk to deal with anxieties.

At the risk of sounding uncharitable, you have to grow up. Masturbation is a bad habit that adolescent boys get into, partly due to raging hormones. At your age you are past that.
First, stop looking at porn or pin-up pictures of any sort. Delete all of this stuff from your computor, and throw any video tapes, CD’s, books in the trash. Yes, you may have a bit of money invested in this stuff, but that investment is damaging both your soul and your psyche.
The next thing is something that was recommended to me by a priest many years ago: whenever the urge comes over you, visualize a picture of Christ wearing the Crown of Thorns. Imagine seeing him with the blood running down his face. Remember that He suffered this because of your and my sins.
Another thing that is guarenteed to work, Say the Rosary once a day, asking the Holy Mother to help you with your problem. I will be willing to say after doing this every night before you go to sleep for about a week, you will back off from self abuse. It will even help you when the temptation for illicit sexual behavior with another person arises.
Try it, it works…that is if you are sincere about stopping.

Watching pornography releases dopamine into the brain just like drugs do. Hormones may start the problem but the addiction to the dopamine release causes withdrawal like other drug addictions. This is hard to suffer through and those who have not experienced a powerful addiction to pornography cannot grasp the situation. Like drug addicts porn addiction withdrawal must be suffered through in order to be free from it. The worst part is that most porn addicts do not realize that it is withdrawal that is leading to their repeated failings and eventually you must suffer through it or you will give in again and again. :slight_smile:

Check out this link for more info on the withdrawal: yourbrainonporn.com/what-does-withdrawal-from-porn-look-like

“I fast once a week”

Once a week is not enough. Have only one meal a day with no snacks, pray and keep yourself busy.

“I suffer from social anxiety, so I have never had any friend, and sometimes I think about how unlikely is the possibility of me ever getting married, since i’m not funny nor confident nor a leader”

That’s the devil talking! Take it easy on yourself. You sound like a nice guy to me. I have no doubt you’ll find a wife.

My friend you have a common problem. My advice is to follow St. Paul’s advice:
**
1 Corinthians 7
8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is well for them to remain single as I do. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry.
For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion.**

Now regarding your inability to get married at the ripe ol age of the late twenties :smiley: you should rather trust in God to find you a wife to your liking, after all He knows your weaknesses better than you do.

Therefore, take heart, repent when you fail and pray that God help you find a good Catholic women.

God bless.

First of all, as someone who has dated and talked to a lot of women, I suspect that your fears of not being able to get married are overblown. I’m sure there are some women out there who won’t be with you if you do that, but I wouldn’t waste my time with them.

Second, if you haven’t already, I would ask your confessor to see when and if masturbation is a mortal sin. Disgust/feeling bad or guilty is not necessarily a measure of Catholic morality, namely the gravity of sin.

Third, you may want to seek counseling over some of these anxiety issues if you are not already. I do think that your condition can be managed even to the point of having a serious relationship with a woman.

Fourth, if you really do want a serious relationship with someone decent, you’re going to have to step up to the plate and make some adjustments. It’s what I had to do. And it will probably be harder for you than for other men, certainly to start off with, and sometimes your confidence might waver here and there.

I think you can do this, but you first need to dump the “I’m not a funny guy/good leader routine”. No decent woman is going to be attracted to that.

Like anything else, dating and relationships is a learning experience for most and a guy has to be willing to make certain attitude adjustments for the better. Frankly, this is what women will be more looking at that whether or not you have a masturbation habit. But I think it’s good you are trying to kick the habit because what it does do is dampen your dating life and motivation.

Right now, you’re kind of in this phase where you are leading a double life—good rosary praying, EWTN-watching Catholic by day, and sinner by night. As one user said, “you need to stop thinking so much about being a victim.” I can promise you that will drive away most decent women in a romantic relationship long before any discussion of masturbation comes up.

You are in my prayers.

:gopray:

Many people have told me that doing push-ups or any other tiring exercise whenever you feel the urge can help. According to them, it makes you too exhausted to act on those urges.

Here is what helps me. Prayer-fasting and almsgiving. Viewing the act of NOT masturbating as an act of penance for any sins committed-including masturbation. Masturbation in my view is linked to egoism-therefore we are focused on ourselves instead of others.
In a book I have “Sacred art of fasting” by fr. Thomas Ryan csp it is mentioned that fasting and almsgiving are the wings of prayer and therefore help prayer to be brought where we intend. Practice makes perfect-Practice not masturbating in this moment and in the next and in the next… Be well and stay safe.

I’d recommend that you get a brown scapular. It helps me immensely. A little piece of Our Lady is always with me. :thumbsup:

I’d also recommend that you consecrate yourself to Our Lady, and entrust your needs to her Immaculate Heart. I’d recommend you consecrate yourself on a Marian feast day (the next one is tomorrow). I’ll provide a link to how to consecrate yourself. Note that the 33-day preparation is optional.

Finally, I’d recommend that you attend Eucharistic Adoration each week. Bring your intentions before the Blessed Sacrament, and God will be merciful.

iipg.org/consecration1.htm

I suffer from social anxiety, so i have never had any friend, and sometimes i think about how unlikely is the possibility of me ever getting married, since i’m not funny nor confident nor a leader, and when i think about those things i can’t help but commit such disgusting sin.

how can i stop committing this sin? please help me.

This is the significant problem, that of anxiety. Masturbation is the physical symptom of a spiritual problem and anxiety can be a very subversive tool that the devils use to manipulate you into sin. Its like I told the other gentleman in the other thread, its your anxiety that is the real problem. Being a guy you’re used to being in control, and when your emotions are high, where you’re being or feeling more or less happy and expansive, your anxiety is necessarily low, and beating the urge to masturbate is easy.

Its when your feelings are low, when things are just dull and drab and empty(these emotional ups and downs are completely natural and common to all human experience), combined with a sense of high anxiety, you naturally want to relieve the stress and pressure, the drab-ness and the feeling of not being in control, and therefore find an emotional “peak” through masturbation.

Then, a common with this sin, you then beat yourself up even worse afterwards.

Sound familiar?

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