(A Rant) I'm beginning to wonder if there are any men who don't


#1

Look at porn that is.

Or go to strip clubs or topless bars.

I’ve really had it with believing that there must be ONE man left who is able to refrain from it.

It something that has broken me down over and over and over again. It’s been devastating to find out that my grandfather, my father, my uncles, my brothers, good friends, boyfriends, husband, and now my SO whom I was convinced was a totally different kind of guy, ALL look at it.

What’s worse, is I’m looked at as some sort of supreme prude for not accepting this as OK.

I’m tired. I give up. And I’m really tired of hearing excuses.

What is it that is so enticing to men about some strangers breasts? Or rear end? Or whatever body part they may be fixated on? Don’t men realize that there are millions of women in the world who have these parts and there are actually women who love them enough to let them see these parts and be intimate with them IN REAL LIFE??(I’m talking wives) Do they not realize that there are women who would actually be interested in loving them, and making love to them not just taking advantage of them, and taking their money?? No, that never seems to be as appealing as some skank bent over on the computer screen. I’m sorry, but there is no mincing words with me on this subject anymore. It’s disgusting.

At this point, I just am not interested. In men, in relationships, in excuses, in anything. I refuse to accept this sick perversion as normal and I refuse to accept that I shouldn’t be bothered by it, and grossed out by it, or that I shouldn’t take it personally. That’s crud.


#2

I fully understand where you are coming from. It took me years to ever believe that there was a man alive that didn’t get into this stuff. But there are men out there that also think it is disgusting. There are very good men that would not look at porn or go to those places.
When you have had one bad experience after another, it is very disheartening.
I like you, am disgusted by it, angered by it. It is not normal no matter how many people say it is.
I even know women who encourage their men to do it and/ or accept that 'all men do it’
It just repulses me.
Thankfully I know many men, including one wonderful brother that are also repulsed by it. They restored my faith in men.
Also, my husband, although brought up in a very permissive family was not into this kind of stuff. He saw how wrong it was especially when he met me and I let him know my feelings loud and clear. He understood where I was coming from and agreed.
We are living in a godless world.
It is sin and satan, mankinds weakness and perversity. Remeber, these women are responsible too.


#3

Shanny,
There are men out there that don’t look at that junk. I am sure of that. By the way, I was confused, who is ‘SO’? I wasn’t sure if it was an abbreviation for something??

I can understand where you are coming from, it is disgusting, words can’t describe how much it grosses me out when guys look at that junk. I am sure some guys will come on this thread and say that ‘girls look at it too!’ So before that happens I will correct what I said, ‘It grosses me out when guys or girls look at that junk.’ Period.


#4

It’s no different to lust in the mind, but in private.

And lust is a spiritual ill that many men do seem to suffer from. When I was growing up, no one ever told me not to lust. I had to learn myself.

It’s not normal, and it is a sick perversion.

fwiw,*** I ***don’t look at it, and fight lust with every ounce of strength I have.

I’m sure there are others out there, especially on this forum, who do the same.

p.s Does SO mean someone other than your husband?


#5

By the way, I was confused, who is ‘SO’?

Significant other.

I am sure some guys will come on this thread and say that ‘girls look at it too!’ So before that happens I will correct what I said, ‘It grosses me out when guys or girls look at that junk.’ Period.

Agreed and ditto.


#6

Significant Other


#7

p.s Does SO mean someone other than your husband?

Yes. See above post. My husband died 4 years ago.


#8

Sister in Jesus…
Yes, dont think something is wrong with you for feeling broken and repulsed at that thought of a beloved that looks and lusts at the sight of women and men that so degrade their sexuality…
Its neither normal nor Christian.
Pray for the men that have this problem… its a huge sickness in the soul… but none of us blames you for keeping a distance to a man who has a problem with this. This is certainly a problem that destroys not only the man but also the woman who loves him and the relationship and life they should have together in love and joy…

I feel for you … :hug1:


#9

Do not lose hope, there are good men in this world, men who are faithful to the Church and who live each day to follow HER teachings. They exist, here is praying that you find one.


#10

Sister in Jesus…
Yes, dont think something is wrong with you for feeling broken and repulsed at that thought of a beloved that looks and lusts at the sight of women and men that so degrade their sexuality…
Its neither normal nor Christian.
Pray for the men that have this problem… its a huge sickness in the soul… but none of us blames you for keeping a distance to a man who has a problem with this. This is certainly a problem that destroys not only the man but also the woman who loves him and the relationship and life they should have together in love and joy…

I feel for you …

Thank you Grace, I needed to hear that from a woman. But, so many do blame me for distancing myself from someone who has this problem and call me judgmental. I just can’t subject myself to it anymore for my own mental emotional and spiritual health.

It is sin and satan, mankinds weakness and perversity. Remeber, these women are responsible too.

jules I agree they are of course. I would also point out that the men wold allow themselves to subjected to it are contributing to the sins of these women and their usually disturbed, dysfunctional, lifestyle. They have to take responsibility for that too. Contributing to and enabling the sins of another is a grave matter indeed.


#11

This is certainly a problem that destroys not only the man but also the woman who loves him and the relationship and life they should have together in love and joy…

I had to go back to your post again and point this out, because I don’t think many men really ‘get’ what it does to a woman who cares about him. In my experience they just don’t see the depth to which it affects the women in their lives, not just wives but all women; daughters, nieces etc. It’s just so…hurtful. I think I’d rather be beaten up than go through the pain of knowing that about someone.


#12

First off as to why men do it. Men tend to be more visual in respect to sexuality then women do. Porn feeds that attraction. Porn can be an addiction like any other addiction. I have heard it said that porn and other sexual addictions can be harder to overcome then drugs and alcohol addictions due to the fact they deal with a persons sexual urges/release which can be stronger then urges for drugs and alcohol.

There are many men out there that do not like to view porn. There are also many men that have viewed porn and no longer view porn.

In today’s world it has become socially acceptable to view porn and/or masturbate, so finding people that are trying to live the church teachings is harder and harder.


#13

First let me say that looking at pornography and visiting strip clubs etc is wrong. No question of it.

But, let me ask something. If so many women here are involved with or know men who look at porn, why do you take it personally? If seemingly every man does this, then how in the world could it be about you and some failing on your part?

It’s not about the adequacy of the man’s partner. I’m sure you are all great women. It’s about the man. Put the blame where it belongs. And, if you read the many threads here about the struggles men have with their sexuality (how to express it correctly, not the gay/straight thing) you will see that it’s a problem for we men to solve, and it isn’t about you or anything you’ve done. You can be upset about it, but you can’t solve it.


#14

It’s not about the adequacy of the man’s partner. I’m sure you are all great women. It’s about the man. Put the blame where it belongs. And, if you read the many threads here about the struggles men have with their sexuality (how to express it correctly, not the gay/straight thing) you will see that it’s a problem for we men to solve, and it isn’t about you or anything you’ve done. You can be upset about it, but you can’t solve it.

Paul I see what you are saying and I agree. It’s not my fault and I know that, and I don’t blame myself. I guess the right wording is that it affects me personally, not that I take it personally as in I blame myself. Whether or not men intend to, the message they send is that there is someone else who deserves my attention, someone else besides you that I have sexual urges for. I’m sorry, but how can any woman not take that to heart? I doubt men would feel much different if the woman in his life invited some other man into the house to cuddle up on the couch with…what does that say? It says you don’t cut it, that’s what it says. It’s the same thing.


#15

Well, I don’t think that’s the situation, but it is interesting to see your point of view.

I see this as if I knew that all women seemed to be looking at porn, and women complained of struggling with it. I would feel more like this woman of mine was cursed with this sin as are most of her peers. I don’t know.

As one professor in college said to me well before the internet era, it’s just a bunch of ink splotches on a piece of magazine paper.


#16

Don’t forget, even some of the most well-known apologists (like Jason Evert or Jeff Cavins) have had porn issues in the past. Are they lousy husbands now? And Augustine went even farther taking a mistress. And have you ever heard Father Corapi talk about his youth???

So we all have sins of varying degrees. You hit the nail on the head when you said you hear people “making excuses” for the sins. The sins cannot be justified. But there are those who sin and wish they were stronger and work at improving.


#17

Let me tell you that (as a guy), it is not just something that women are disgusted by, there are men that feel that same way. And I speak about this from the perspective of someone that had fallen into that trap many years ago. Thank God I have been able to break free from that and now, looking back, I have the same questions that you have, with the most simple question of why?

I mentioned to my DW just the other day how absolutely beautiful she is to me. I could not imagine having those feelings about a pic on the computer screen or a movie or anything else. After reading TGNAS&M and listening to talks by Christopher West, I cannot help but be in awe of my wife. More and more, I realize what looking at porn does to you. After viewing women in that way, you have to reprogram yourself in your understanding that those feelings that you had while viewing that was lust, not even close to nor will it ever be love.

Women, as Christopher West put it, are the Church. From them comes life and how beautiful that is, what an amazing thing it is to be given that gift. To be someone that is called to care for and love that gift is an amazing task. To think that God has created us in His image and we would take and distort that image for our own selfish pleasure is sickening.

I cannot give a clear cut answer as to why people do that? A multi-billion dollar industry that completely destroys the person that one was created to be. How terribly sad. Fortunately for us, that was never a part of our marriage, but many have had to face this as a harsh reality. I feel for them, all of them, the one addicted and the ones that are hurt by that addiction. It is as if they are being sold a counterfit of what is true love…and that is sad. It is dreadful. They do not realize the lives that they are affecting, the people that they are hurting. Even if they are single, the lives that they will be hurting.

It comes down to a few things…lust, selfishness, and respect. That is what I feel are the main drivers of these actions. It is like any other addiction, you have to admit that you have a problem (view it as a problem) before you can start the process of breaking that cycle. When you are surrounded by those that enable this and joke and think that it is “cool” and go by the “everybody does it” or “99.9% do it the other .1% is lying” mentality it is hard to grow up. That is right grow up. Men need to step up and be men. They need to stand on their own two feet. Stand up for their families. Stop being “cool” by looking at porn, going to strip clubs, etc and be a man. God has big plans for you, it is time for you to ask Him what those plans are an accept them. How does this happen? Sad to say, I do not have an answer, but having someone to support them is a start. Maybe if I had the answer, I could be a mulit-billion dollar industry as well? :shrug:

My :twocents: (and then some)


#18

It’s a great temptation. :o (I have it too, all guys have it)

Just keep looking. No guy will not have the temptation, but some guys (like me) will try to fight it.


#19

There are plenty of men who don’t look at porn or go to those types of places, me being one of them. It’s not because I’m a saint–I am certainly not. It is a temptation that I have to overcome, like all others, with God’s grace. It is pretty common, though. In fact, I was just reading about soldiers’ reactions to a proposed ban on sexually explicit magazines in military PXes (military.com/features/0,15240,167090,00.html?ESRC=navy-a.nl)). Used to be that the only place morale came before morals was in the dictionary.

As posted earlier, men are very visually stimulated. Also, many don’t/can’t correlate looking at porn or using it as cheating on their spouses. A hypothetical conversation between a husband and wife could go like this:

Her: You’re looking at porn. That’s disgusting! Why do you like that?
Him: She’s hot.
Her: Well, what if I cut out a picture of some good looking guy and went to the bedroom with it and locked the door . . .
Him: Can I watch?

For guys who are in that trap, they also don’t see any harm if their wives do the same thing. I am not making light of this–some guys see porn as a way to broaden their sexual experience that can coexist in a marriage. What happens next is they start comparing their wives to the airbrushed beauties, and the spouse falls short. Then they ask their spouses to do things they’ve seen in porn videos, but it turns out too messy, too painful or too acrobatically impossible to enjoy. Before you know it, he doesn’t enjoy being intimate with his wife because she doesn’t live up the the celluloid standard. Porn makes unrealistic expectations seem reachable, with bad consequences.


#20

As Mark Twain said, “I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won’t.” The good man isn’t the one he has no temptation in wanting to look at porn, it is the man who does want to look at porn but doesn’t. In a sense you really cannot understand, unless you try to understand it in the view of tempation. I really cannot understand people who gamble. That I do not want to gamble is no virtue of mine. To try to understand, I must try to replace it with something I have tempation and weakness with.


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