A relationship that caused you the most damage... and how did you deal with it?


#1

What relationship in the past (i hope its in the past) has caused you the most psychological damage?

my answer: 2 family members (can’t go into any more detail than that right now…)

what did you do to stop or curtail the damage?

my answer: i got into Jesus… via the Church, the rosary… :slight_smile: I also began keeping a diary of my thoghts/feelings… wish i could say i have kept up on it but i haven’t… :frowning: It is very effective in getting in touch with who you really are. Spending time with Jesus in the Real Presence does that also… and is superior to all other therapy… :slight_smile:


#2

talking to Jesus really helped me..I mean really talking to Him like you would to your best friend, telling Him everything and putting the situation into HIS hands :)


#3

it so happened that at the height of the problem a few years ago with this individual the Sunday OT reading dealt with precisely the same situation was proclaimed. The message of both readings was to trust in God utterly, totally and completely, and to commend these troubled relationships to him, while continuing to do right oneself. So I handed the situation over to Jesus when I received communion that day and laid it at the foot of the cross. Since then there have been some easing of the situation, but most of it simply cannot and will be resolved without the other person’s complete conversion, which I pray for daily. However my own life has been immeasurable better since I gave up bitterness, recrimination and resentment connected with the person and the situation.


#4

I have been hurt by every guy I’ve ever tried to pursue.
One guy tried to get me to sleep with him. He really degraded me. He treated me like meat, not a daughter of God. Soon I came to my senses, but when I decided to appologize, he got his new girlfriend’s friends to come and threaten me. The other guy decided to turn athiest, he cheated on me, and he lied to me.

I made a decision to give up dating until I leave high school, if that’s what God wants. Guys have been nothing but trouble, and God dosen’t want me to be hurt. I feel better, and there is no pressure.

-Jeanne


#5

yes that is the best thing… other than being in the Real Presence, that is…

when you are there you don’t have to say anything… He knows it all and you KNOW He knows it all… you feel it… etc… :slight_smile:


#6

[quote="jeanne71350, post:4, topic:178496"]
I have been hurt by every guy I've ever tried to pursue.
One guy tried to get me to sleep with him. He really degraded me. He treated me like meat, not a daughter of God. Soon I came to my senses, but when I decided to appologize, he got his new girlfriend's friends to come and threaten me. The other guy decided to turn athiest, he cheated on me, and he lied to me.

I made a decision to give up dating until I leave high school, if that's what God wants. Guys have been nothing but trouble, and God dosen't want me to be hurt. I feel better, and there is no pressure.

-Jeanne

[/quote]

i have been there, more or less..

you are right.. men aren't worth the trouble.. at least the ones i have found..

you are very young.. Save yourselve for that right one... or maybe God wants you all to himself..??

he seems to want that of ME... but who knows what the future holds?? :confused:


#7

Ooh…I think the most damaging was with my now ex-husband. Mainly because we were together as a couple for a long time, but only married for 2 and a half years. We met in high school, engaged in premarital sex, I got pregnant a couple of years into college. I ended up having an abortion. Sometime after that, I had the big conversion incident…:wink:
Mainly involved me praying the rosary for some inexplicable reason (I was an atheist at the time, long story). Anyway, he went along with it, but I know now that he wasn’t “with me” on it. He played at having a huge conversion too, but it wasn’t real. He was lying to me all along. And I was totally convinced. So there I was, settling into the idea of being a good Catholic wife and mother, and he had a totally different idea of the way his life was going to end up–and I had no clue, as he never told me.

And so, one night, he just up and left. Got on a plane to go be with his girlfriend who lived about 1000 miles away. There I was, me and our handicapped 18 month old baby boy. Alone, unemployed, no way to provide for myself. I pounded the pavement, looking for a job everyday, got training as a nurse’s aid, began working in a nursing home, got into nursing school (I was a year away from my biology degree, so I had a lot of the pre-reqs already done), and became an RN. Part of what helped me get through it was just that reality of what I had to do. No time to sit around and feel sorry for myself. I had to provide for my son. But, above all that, was praying every waking moment. I had to totally trust the Lord. I prayed the Rosary, the Liturgy of the Hours, the Divine Mercy Chaplet, and the St. Michael’s Chaplet. Mass, the Eucharist, Confession. I made huge use of the sacraments at the time. Eventually, I drifted to the Eastern Rite, as I always wanted to do, but never could before.

Got an annulment, and now I am remarried (or shall I say, married for the first time, really), and happy. My husband is a devout Byzantine Catholic. But it was hard to trust that at first, because of my past. It’s been a long road, and sometimes I still look at him and think “are you for real?” Not of his own fault, or anything he did or said. But, I have to trust Jesus. He has put me here.


#8

[quote="lumenorientale, post:7, topic:178496"]
Ooh...I think the most damaging was with my now ex-husband. Mainly because we were together as a couple for a long time, but only married for 2 and a half years. We met in high school, engaged in premarital sex, I got pregnant a couple of years into college. I ended up having an abortion. Sometime after that, I had the big conversion incident...;)
Mainly involved me praying the rosary for some inexplicable reason (I was an atheist at the time, long story). Anyway, he went along with it, but I know now that he wasn't "with me" on it. He played at having a huge conversion too, but it wasn't real. He was lying to me all along. And I was totally convinced. So there I was, settling into the idea of being a good Catholic wife and mother, and he had a totally different idea of the way his life was going to end up--and I had no clue, as he never told me.

And so, one night, he just up and left. Got on a plane to go be with his girlfriend who lived about 1000 miles away. There I was, me and our handicapped 18 month old baby boy. Alone, unemployed, no way to provide for myself. I pounded the pavement, looking for a job everyday, got training as a nurse's aid, began working in a nursing home, got into nursing school (I was a year away from my biology degree, so I had a lot of the pre-reqs already done), and became an RN. Part of what helped me get through it was just that reality of what I had to do. No time to sit around and feel sorry for myself. I had to provide for my son. But, above all that, was praying every waking moment. I had to totally trust the Lord. I prayed the Rosary, the Liturgy of the Hours, the Divine Mercy Chaplet, and the St. Michael's Chaplet. Mass, the Eucharist, Confession. I made huge use of the sacraments at the time. Eventually, I drifted to the Eastern Rite, as I always wanted to do, but never could before.

Got an annulment, and now I am remarried (or shall I say, married for the first time, really), and happy. My husband is a devout Byzantine Catholic. But it was hard to trust that at first, because of my past. It's been a long road, and sometimes I still look at him and think "are you for real?" Not of his own fault,, or anything he did or said. But, I have to trust Jesus. He has put me here.

[/quote]

thanks for sharing your story..

this may sound odd but what is the main reason you are not roman Catholic?? just wondering... not too familiar with byzantine Catholicism... maybe you could tell me the difference between you and roman catholics??

i am glad you got away from that guy... i barely escaped one or two of my exes. this one in particular was a true psycho...

God Bless...


#9

[quote="distracted, post:8, topic:178496"]
thanks for sharing your story..

this may sound odd but what is the main reason you are not roman Catholic?? just wondering... not too familiar with byzantine Catholicism... maybe you could tell me the difference between you and roman catholics??

i am glad you got away from that guy... i barely escaped one or two of my exes. this one in particular was a true psycho...

God Bless...

[/quote]

Wow, that's a big question...:) There are quite a few differences--the liturgy, for one. What you call the Mass, we call Divine Liturgy. If you ever go to a Byzantine Divine Liturgy, you find that it is very much like Orthodox Divine Liturgy. We use the rubrics of the Divine Liturgy of St. John Chrysostom. We sing the entire thing, there is incense and bells every Liturgy, icons instead of statues, the priest faces the altar, rather than the people during it. We do not kneel, because in the Eastern Rites, kneeling is a sign of penance, not adoration. Of course, during the Pre-Sanctified Liturgy during Lent (Great Fast, as we call it) there is kneeling AND prostration.

The spirituality is different. Roman thinking has a great deal to do philosophy, ours is more of the mystical. When I think of St. John of the Cross, or St. Theresa of Avila, I sometimes wonder "why weren't they Byzantine?" Their mysticism closely resembles that of the Desert Fathers. However, there are strengths on both sides. I still read my Aquinas, pray my rosary, and like the nativity scenes. But I also pray the Chotki, reverence the icons, and keep the fasts--the great and the minor. What we share, however, is the same Pope. And you'd find that attendees of the Byzantine Rite Catholic Churches tend to be very devoted to the Holy Father, and very obedient to him.

I could go on for pages about the differences. I'll try to find some links for you, but a great place to look is nearby in the "Eastern Christianity" sub-forum here.

Why did I change? I wasn't leaving the Latin Rite, I was just "going East." It is, and always has been, what seemed to match my spirituality best. It's very hard to explain, but I get swept up in the Divine Liturgy in a way that I didn't in the Latin Rite. I get more of the sense that I am connected to that Eternal Liturgy in Heaven, that Eternal Sacrifice that spans the ages. There is nothing wrong with the Latin Rite, in my mind. I still don't mind attending a very reverent, respectful Latin Rite Mass, or going to an Adoration if invited. But my home is in my Byzantine parish.

Anyway, sorry to derail your thread. I'm sorry to hear that you had to deal with a psycho guy. My ex is not so much psycho, as just morally weak. He lied to me all those years because he was afraid to tell me the truth--until he was over 1000 miles away and in another relationship, that is. I try to keep the bitterness away, though it can be a battle, some days--even now, so many years later.


#10

(Distracted if you can, go to a Divine Liturgy. I was raised both. Worth it!)

To answer the post: a couple of people in my childhood/adolescent years. Mary and the grace of God is all I can credit for healing. I ended up with a great husband, though I married late. And our children have a much different life than I did… a great blessing. To this day, I still don’t understand how that happened. But I am very happy and grateful for it.


#11

[quote="lumenorientale, post:9, topic:178496"]
Wow, that's a big question...:) There are quite a few differences--the liturgy, for one. What you call the Mass, we call Divine Liturgy. If you ever go to a Byzantine Divine Liturgy, you find that it is very much like Orthodox Divine Liturgy. We use the rubrics of the Divine Liturgy of St. John Chrysostom. We sing the entire thing, there is incense and bells every Liturgy, icons instead of statues, the priest faces the altar, rather than the people during it. We do not kneel, because in the Eastern Rites, kneeling is a sign of penance, not adoration. Of course, during the Pre-Sanctified Liturgy during Lent (Great Fast, as we call it) there is kneeling AND prostration.

The spirituality is different. Roman thinking has a great deal to do philosophy, ours is more of the mystical. When I think of St. John of the Cross, or St. Theresa of Avila, I sometimes wonder "why weren't they Byzantine?" Their mysticism closely resembles that of the Desert Fathers. However, there are strengths on both sides. I still read my Aquinas, pray my rosary, and like the nativity scenes. But I also pray the Chotki, reverence the icons, and keep the fasts--the great and the minor. What we share, however, is the same Pope. And you'd find that attendees of the Byzantine Rite Catholic Churches tend to be very devoted to the Holy Father, and very obedient to him.

I could go on for pages about the differences. I'll try to find some links for you, but a great place to look is nearby in the "Eastern Christianity" sub-forum here.

Why did I change? I wasn't leaving the Latin Rite, I was just "going East." It is, and always has been, what seemed to match my spirituality best. It's very hard to explain, but I get swept up in the Divine Liturgy in a way that I didn't in the Latin Rite. I get more of the sense that I am connected to that Eternal Liturgy in Heaven, that Eternal Sacrifice that spans the ages. There is nothing wrong with the Latin Rite, in my mind. I still don't mind attending a very reverent, respectful Latin Rite Mass, or going to an Adoration if invited. But my home is in my Byzantine parish.

Anyway, sorry to derail your thread. I'm sorry to hear that you had to deal with a psycho guy. My ex is not so much psycho, as just morally weak. He lied to me all those years because he was afraid to tell me the truth--until he was over 1000 miles away and in another relationship, that is. I try to keep the bitterness away, though it can be a battle, some days--even now, so many years later.

[/quote]

wow.. i had no idea there were that many differences..!

now i am interested in going to a Byzantine Church..

are they in communion with Rome?? in other words, do they see the pope as Head of the Church on Earth??


#12

i derailed it myself… :smiley:


#13

I think everyone in the Catholic Church should experience an Eastern Rite Liturgy. Give it a try. Grab one of the those books called “Liturgikon,” and sit next to someone who’s been going there for awhile, and have them help you through it. And if you get lost, and can’t figure out where in the book we are, just relax and enjoy the liturgy. It is a very spiritually enriching experience.

Yes, a church that says “St. _____ Byzantine Catholic Church” is in union with Rome, and sees the Pope as the Head of the Church on Earth. You will hear prayers for him sprinkled through the Liturgy. There may even be a picture of him in the church hall. You may walk in and think “this looks nothing like a Catholic Church,” but it truly is–just as Catholic as your local Roman Rite parish. It can be a culture shock, for many, though. One funny experience was when I was making my transition, my nominally Catholic mother asked me “why don’t you want to be Catholic anymore?” LOL! Well, she eventually learned that it was, indeed, Catholic.

Another cute experience was when a family, refugees from Sudan, was at our parish, and their sponsor family from Catholic Social Services, speaking for them because they could not speak English, said “They just want to be sure this is a Catholic Church.” Cute, but also admirable. They’d just fled from a wartorn region where they could have been killed for their faith, and they wanted to make sure they were going to a Catholic Church.:thumbsup:


#14

thanks for the info… never knew… makes me want to go there… but then i have been wanting to go to a Catholic Church for a long time now… :rolleyes: (long stoyr waht i mean… )

anyway… i am so happy for those people who got to come here…

of course they may lose their souls here… all the … well, one word: TV :(:rolleyes:


#15

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.