Ok, what I have to say now is a very scary situation. My friend has been suffering for years he says with “mind problems.” And these are his actual words to me from an e-mail at one time. Since he first became a christian he began to have promblens like this:
"What if I committed murder and killed someone but I do not confess it to God? Oh no, I’m going to go to hell, a place of suffering forever. But I know in my heart that I did not commit such an act. (then he’ll talk to himself with another voice like this) Well you know that at one time you had hateful feelings againgst so and so, then you imagined killing him, so just WHAT IF that was not an imagination but was real? After all who can tell the difference between a memory of an imagination or a memory of a past event? You see them both in your mind, how can you tell what’s real and what’s not. Then he’ll just for no reason at all imagine him killing someone, even someone he does not know, then that voice will come back and bother him to the point where he would almost turn himself in, but he then thinks “but what if they find no body and think that I’m crazy, they’ll lock me up.”
Praise the Lord he’s now over all of this, but there’s a problem now that’s TEN TIMES more worse which is why I was hopeful that at least if he sees he’s not, he’ll still go to heaven. He continuely asks himself "what if I have gotten married in the past. I now have a wife, she is the only woman with my last name, we are both Catholic and were both married in the Catholic church and I have the marriage certificate saying that we were married in the Catholic church. But what if I decieved all of them somehow, just WHAT IF I am already married in God’s eyes? After all I have had girl friends in the past. What if I married one of them. I remember one girl that I had a long distance relationship with but I never met her in person, just over the phone, by letter, and by computer did I talk to her. She was going to come up but never did because we were arguing so she decided not to come up. But before that on the phone there was talk of us marrying one another, or something like that, but like I said she never came up from where she lived, I just never heard from her again. But what if we got married over the phone by a priest or someone else. But I know that did not happen, but what if it did, didn’t you imagine that, yeah it was only an imagination, but what if it was real?
What about the other few girl friends you had in the past, didn’t you always have the attitude, even before you were a Christian, of always wanting to be together with ONE woman, forever, didn’t you say to Cind over the phone something like "As of now I plan on being with you forever? What did that mean? What if I was marrying her when I spoke those words, what else would I have said those words for anyways? But a priest never married us nor did a justice of the peace or any other person, but what if someone did?
My friend even said that at times he’ll walk past women and his hand will go toward them and the voice will say “why did your hand go toward her, or toward her hand? What if you were marrying her and putting a ring on her hand? Oh no and what if that happened before you were married to your wife now, that means you must leave her, oh no!”
He’ll tell himself “I know that Melissa is the only woman I have ever married.” But then the voices again begins, "But what if she’s NOT? What about all the other girls and what EXACTLY IS a marriage? We’ll what if I’m being decieved by the devil or his demons, or something else like my mind is messed up, or something else. I do not want to make a mistake. If I am married to my wife IN GOD’s EYES I do not want to make the mistake of leaving her, then having there a possibility of her becoming greatly depressed and falling away from God then die in mortal sin and I come to find out when I see God that she really WAS my wife in His eyes. But if she is not, then I do NOT want to stay with her because I love God with all of my heart and I do not want to go to hell. Then comes the voice again, "Oh but you know full well that your not, remember this and that and this, that CLEARLY shows that you are not so you must leave her, or stay and know your going to hell, or simply change your beliefs from Catholic to another religon. NO! Catholicism is the TRUTH! Yes but your in denial for your own lusts and desires. But sex has nothing to do with me wanting to stay with her. I LOVE MY WIFE! I want to take care of her, she is the only woman I want to make love to, have children with, her and her alone. I want to help her make it to Christ and never fall away. I am so happy with her and whenever I beat these worries and fully believe she is my true wife, temptations are a joke! I never look at any other woman, I pray more, read the Bible more, practice more, but when I’m in confusion I am completly MISERABLE!