Here’s the deal, the reason why I continue to ask so many questions on marriage is because I’m still seeking help. I posted about this before. See, I have been Married into the Catholic Church and I have my wedding certificate to prove it. But I constantly worry “what if the relationships I had with women of the past counted in God’s eyes as a wife?” Or “what if I married one of them?” I’ll say to myself that I did not but I constantly worry “what if?” And I’ll even have imaginations of marrying them or one of them and then I’ll ask myself “What if that’s no imagination but is really a memory?” I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and I’ve been told I also have a severe case of Scruples. I am on medicine and I’ve talked to a priest, but sadly I just still worry. SO many questions goes through my head every single day. I even say to myself “It’s not what if, it’s you are Jason, you are married to someone else and that’s the truth” But in my heart I know that’s not true but then again that “voice” will say “What about that relationship, or that one, or that memory or was it an imagination.”
I am so worried that I am dammed if I stay with my wife. But I love her with all of my heart. She is the only woman that I want to make love to, have children with, and I desire to stay with her until death does us apart. And if she should ever chose to leave me I will NEVER seek another woman, EVER! , I do not want to leave her due to my fears. But this has for so long been effecting my every day life. I love God with all of my heart as well and I desire to be one with Him. I have the Marriage certificate but I still worry “what if what if what if!” Please help me.