I know this girl (seriously, it’s not about me) who is Catholic, practicing, and apparently orthodox in every way. I’ll call her…hmm…“Hope.” For about a year or so, she was dating a fundamentalist with issues. He did all the usual fundamentalist things–ignored her explanations of Catholic doctrine, was condescending, etc.–and eventually they broke up, but tried to remain friends despite his psychotic, hypocritical behavior.
During the last New Year’s Eve, Hope had a party at her house with her friends. The fundamentalist showed up and was a jerk, but at least a tolerable jerk, apparently. He didn’t approve of the girls’ dancing, and later said it “drove him to lust” or something along those lines. Hope did get drunk that night, but it was after she thought he had left. The party went on, and the next morning she woke up next to–the fundamentalist.
They were clothed or mostly clothed, and she didn’t remember a thing. She pressed him to tell her what happened, but he wouldn’t give details, only mubling things like “Chastity is the job of the woman” and “You drove me to lust.”
It took about a week for her to get it out of him that they’d had sex, and he said “I think the condom broke a little bit.” (She must have “driven him to lust” before he even got there, then, because the condoms were his, not hers).
Fast forward about a month and a half, and she found out she was pregnant. She has no intention of getting an abortion.
The fundie doesn’t know, and she doesn’t want him to know. He made her life hell before.
Now, the issue: She’s met a potentially great guy in RCIA, and while she has no idea if it’s going anywhere, she knows there are all kinds of questions in this scenario. Among the biggest are:
“Is it wrong of me to consider relationships while I’m pregnant in this situation?”
“By keeping the child (as opposed to adoption) I might drive away otherwise eligible men. Am I being selfish by keeping the baby and potentially depriving him/her of a father?”
“Is it more selfish to let the baby go to a good home ‘just’ so I can potentially be with a good man?”
These are her questions to the best of my understanding. She’s only a couple of months along now, and her family doesn’t even know yet. Undoubtedly she’ll have more, and more complicated, questions as time goes on.