A vent concerning co-workers and pregnancy


#1

Ok. I work in a room with 4 other women who sit right beside me. They are not Catholic and know I am. DH and I are, of course, practicing NFP, but we are not trying to have kids right now if you know what I mean. In fact we don’t have sex more than we do to be blunt right now due to a lot of things. Anyway, ever since finding out that I’m now Catholic, every single day I have to hear, so when are you getting pregnant or I bet she’ll be pregnant within the year. Well, like I said, I’m not actively trying but if I do end up pregnant, so what to them? Why do they have to be so persistent and annoying??? I don’t get it. Sometimes (and I know I shouldn’t think this) but I want to just quit having sex alltogether with DH because they make me so angry and uncomfortable. I guess I just want to know why everyone else (that’s not even your family) want to pressure you to hurry up and have kids!!! :mad:


#2

Tell them if they continue to make unsolicited and unwanted remarks about your personal life, you will take it to HR and your manager. Then do it.


#3

hmmm, so say something to them!


**They may not like it, but at least they will know you are sick of it. I’m sure they think they are real “funny” and you are just an ignorant little lamb. :rolleyes::mad: **


**Just say, “So what if I do get pregnant?! I’m married and we’ll love him or her. I’m not worried about this, so where do you get off saying anythign about it?” I’d consider it charityible if you stopped there.:o **


#4

If you make it known to them that what they are saying makes you uncomfortable, and they persist, you have every right to speak to HR and have harrassment charges filed.
Kathy


#5

I agree with the HR route. Discussing your reproductive system isn’t something that should be done during office hours. Particularly if you’re not even one of the people discussing it!


#6

Start asking them personal questions about their sexual life with their husbands (assuming that they have one) and when they tell you that it is none of your business, tell them that is how you feel.
:thumbsup:
Don’t take this out on your husband. It is not his fault.


#7

The next time they do this to you, smile sweetly and say “It makes me uncomfortable when you speculate on my personal life like this, I’d really appreciate it if you’d refrain from this”

The second time, be a little less friendly, and remind them “I really don’t appreciate this type of discussion of me at work, and I’d like you to stop”

The third time, firmly state:“I’m serious, I don’t want this subject brought up again, I’m really starting to feel harassed”

Using the word “harassed” will clue them in that you are dead serious. I’m sure they’ll get the hint, but if they don’t, go to HR.


#8

DH gets this all the time in work. From people saying,“Don’t touch him, you’ll get pregnant!” (this is a prodominantly male workplace), to people making snipping motions with their hands, to the “Is she pregnant again yet?”.
It is actually very infantile-like the high school bullies who never grew up.:frowning:


#9

Share some real FACTS with them!
Explain how accurate NFP is… it’s hard to argue against data!

An excellent site for information is Taking Charge of Your Fertility… it is NOT associated with the church in any way (and actually recommends using condoms during the fertile phase… so IGNORE that part!), but it may be worth showing since it’s not associated with any “faith” aspects… it may prove to them that NFP is a viable alternative that is in keeping with the faith.

Then, remind them that once in a while you may get “risky” and there’s always a chance you could get pregnant… but that’s a chance that you’re AWARE OF… so it’s not like NFP isn’t working… you’ve made an active decision to take that risk.

HTH!


#10

Thanks for all your comments. I work in a very small law office and we don’t have an HR Dept. and I’m the manager of the dept I’m in. So that’ won’t work. I would go to my boss, the sr. law partner, but he’s not very understanding of anything. I guess my big problem is that I have to work in the same room with these women all day; we’re not separated into cubicles or anything, either. I’m trying to see if i can get moved into an office with only one other person but I don’t know if it will work out. I guess because I work in such close quarters with them I don’t want to make them mad at me and have this uncomfortable silence either, but on the other hand, them not talking to me about anything might be better than what I’m putting up with now.

Keep me in your prayers!!


#11

I always felt better once I attempted to explain how effective NFP was and they still made the comments. Then all I had to do was roll my eyes at how juvenile and uneducated they showed themselves to be.


#12

As a fellow manager, my response would be “this discussion unprofessional and not appropriate in the workplace”. I’d be a broken record, repeating this every time.


#13

Exactly, excellent advise! :thumbsup:


#14

I would reassure them that Catholics really enjoy sex and that they will be the second to know after dear hubby when pregnancy comes with its happy face. Most co-workers keep this kind of behavior up because they know it gets under the targets skin. It’s a human mean streak.


#15

This was my first thought. Ask them what form of birth control they’re using. If they say that pill, tell them it’s only xx% effective. If they say condom, tell them it’s only xx% effective (you’ll havta do some legwork here). Then tell them that NFP is xx% effective. Then say what they’ve been saying back to you - “you’ll be pregnant within the year. etc. etc.”

Although the HR thing is a possibility too.


#16

why do they say…i’ll bet you’ll be pregnant within a year? what does this mean??:confused:


#17

I agree! What a great opportunity to explain the true meaning of human sexuality as God planned and your obedience to Catholic teaching on this matter. So many are off the mark and it’s up to those of us that are on target to speak the truth, regardless of denomination. It only takes a pinhole to show some light through the darkness.


#18

Something’s confusing me. From the quotes you posted it almost seems like they’re chiding you for being Catholic and that they think you have no control over your getting pregnant or not. Kind of the old couples who practice the rhythm method are called “parents” joke.

But on the other hand you said that these people are trying to rush you into pregnancy.

Frankly the latter isn’t as bad as the former. If it’s the latter, it just could be that they think children are great and maybe think you’d be good parents, a sort of “share the joy” mentality. Although this isn’t malicious, it can be insensitive to those who struggle with fertility. On the other hand it can be good for those who struggle with selfishness and are avoiding children for purely selfish reasons.

If you situation is more like the former - I would deal with them more firmly.


#19

I think their idea of NFP is that you don’t actually keep up with your cycle, etc and that the point is you have fertile and infertile times. No offense to them at all but they aren’t the brightest stars in the sky if you know what I mean. I like them, but they don’t get a LOT of things.

I got tired of it today already and told them that when we are at the time to have kids we will be actively trying then but if with using NFP now God sees it fit to bless us with a little one then great! That got them to shut up for a little bit.


#20

I see. I would refrain from telling these people anything else about your personal life. Only those I’m truly close to, know about my personal life at work. I know people who share everything, and for some reason, others in the office think it’s their right now to ask them about their personal lives whenever. If they continue, I’d say…when it happens, I’ll send you a pic. :eek: (just think it for now, anyways hee hee)

Good luck to you!


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