Friends, I wish to ask you a proper question about vocations! :)
Every day for several months now, I have felt a wonderful light that neither warms my body in hot weather, nor cools it in cold. It is simply a happiness without any peer, emerging from the darkness of my lifelong atheism. The Blessed Lord has pierced me with a great joy. This seems to be a manifestation of exactly what I call "the glorious order" - that endless urge to live; that right order; that transcendent beauty; that form about the Universe - which the Lord has made. Those stars, galaxies, pulsars, quasars, and planets up there - and the rubies, sapphires, tulips of the field, mountains, rivers, and forests down here all reflect that perfect Master. It is almost like a symphonic dance weaved into the Universe, the totality of Creation worshiping God in joy.
Unsurprisingly, I must admit that my favourite areas of this holy religion are those which are most explosive in their love for God. The Gloria in excelsis Deo and Te Deum are said in my prayers every day no matter what. Those two prayers are at the center of my life: one for Glory, and one for Joy, endless joy. Maybe this will help you in advising me? :thumbsup:
I know deep in my soul that I am being ordered by God to expound this utterly incomparable joy to the world. It is my repayment to God for having given me the grace to accept what free will and reason brought me to. The glorious holiness of His perfection must be seen by every last human being. That Holy Word and Gospel must spiral out again, to every last ear. I must use logic to convince the atheist, joy to convince the cynic, and glorious, shining hope to convince the fatalist. These dark times must be washed over by God!
Whatever it will be, it must be inside the Church He founded. No matter what my director says ("you must wait until you've been baptised for a while in order to discern for that sort of thing"), God is telling me to become a priest, religious brother, friar, or monk. I have more certainty in this than I have certainty of the Sun's re-appearance tomorrow morning! Our Holy Lord tells me to be joyful in logic, and to reflect the glory of His Justice and Mercy forever, to be subject to Him as a Religious. Obedience to wise men is nothing! Poverty is nothing! Celibacy is nothing. These vows sound so easy when I know I have a mission to smash the atheists with the logic of Thomas Aquinas, and using the wisdom given to us from Heaven.
Are there any orders which specifically emphasise outward joy, seraphic glorification of God, and rigorous, extensive use of Thomism to justify the existence of God and the doctrines of the Church? My being fills with conviction more and more every day. Please excuse the theatrics, but I can hear His voice louder than anything. He wants me to give up the world, make myself obedient to wise men, and re-enter it with His all-consuming fire in my heart. The Franciscans are joyous, but do not seem to be as focused on logical apologetics; on the other hand, the Dominicans are naturally Thomist, but I don't see much simple outward joy as a central tradition, but more solemnity. Does a mean between this trinity of logic, glorification, and joyousness exist somewhere? I must get started thinking now, because there is a long, patient road ahead.
Please pray for me, especially that I grow in the virtue of temperance, which I sorely lack.