Abandonment issues


#1

I’m sorry for posting my own problems here, but i was hoping some of you could give me some advice. Here it goes: I grew up going to my catholic church every Sunday, we were very good catholics. I was confirmed and got my first confession in 2nd grade. In 5th grade, my parents started having problems. They got divorced in 6th grade. My father had been cheating on my mom with his friend (though he has not admitted it) that he had had for about 2 years before the divorce. My mom, brother, and I moved out of state to be near my mothers family, I was not affected negatively by the move, nor really was my brother because we needed to be out of the house. My brother was all for the move, until the day before, as my dad had suddenly spent time with him, and told him that he shouldnt leave. Not to mention that my father had only spent time of us abt 2 times a week, and that was with his girlfriend (15 yrs younger, but not a bad person i guess, just kindof gullible). He told us that she wasnt his girlfriend though we did see somethings that made it obvious that they were together. I was about 11 at the tiem, my brother 9. My mom found out through us about him, though my dad just told her that he wanted a divorce for no reason at all. They got a divorce, and the church somehow gave him an annullment, but by that point, my dad and my mom were so far apart that she didnt really want to be with him anymore. I felt alone, because my dad never hung out with me or my brother anymore, and i didnt mind the idea of moving out of state. Now, my brother has moved back in state with my dad, after my dad got him to start failing school so that my mom would let him move back. Now, all he does is play video games all day, bc my dad won’t let him go anywhere with his friends because he is being a “father”. He is very overprotective, i think he is trying to care, but it isnt working very well. Now it is about a year since my brother moved back, and I’m having self-confidence/abandonment issues. I’m scared to death to talk or look at a guy. I guess i’m scared that theyll do the same thing my dad did to my mom, and i never want to meet another person like my dad. I’m scared that they will use and betray my like my dad did. Not that i am looking for a boyfriend or anything but I feel bad, because ive just realised the issues that ive been having with this were related to my dad. Ive remembered countless instances with boys where they were simply just trying to make conversation and be nice, but i just totally shut them down and ignored them. i FEEL HORRIBLE ABOUT THIS. I must seem like a real jerk. I wish i could fix this problem, but no matter what i do, i feel the same way. I have one friend who is a guy, and not really a close friend because he is gay, but has had many problems in his life so i feel bad for him as well. I am going to college next year, and I’m scared that my issues will get worse being away from home and my friends. I also only go to chruch when i’m with my father, but i feel embarased going to church with him because he is now with his 3rd wife. His family has all kindof outcasted him as well for his actions. Being at church with him makes me want to go less, but i’m trying to stay with it. Im going to go to church when i get into college, i know it will help me a lot to be closer with God. I’m so sorry for spilling out all my problems, but i jsut needed to tell somebody. and sorry for any grammar problems… I just need some advice… I can’t tell my friends all this because I don’t want to sound like I’m feeling bad for myself…- Thanks so much!!! -celisabethp17 :confused:


#2

C:

Please don’t be insulted by this, but I think you might benefit from exploring these issues with a counselor.

That being said, remember you have your own relationship with the Lord, and your relationship with the Lord is separate than your father’s relationship with the Lord. Yes, he made mistakes and caused grave harm to your family, but our faith teaches that the Lord can bring grace to any situation, and that grace outweighs evil.

Welcome to CAF.

Scott


#3

No, its not insulting- i reallize that i really need to speak with a counselor or someone, i just needed somewhere to vent some of my frustration with this yesterday–
thanks


#4

Hi there,

My heart really goes out to you, that’s a tough situation that you find yourself in. I would really recommend spending time in front of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament (Adoration) and just pouring out your frustrations, fears, loneliness, feelings of abandonment and everything else to Him, asking Him for His grace in your life right now. I found when I spent 30 mins a day in Adoration/in front of the Tabernacle it made a HUGE difference in my life and I really felt the strength and grace to start ‘living life to the full’ (John 10 v 10). Please be assured of my prayers for you and your family at this difficult time.


#5

http://www.mysmiley.net/imgs/smile/sad/sad0031.gif Bless your heart. I have a few thoughts.

  1. I’m glad that you typed out how you were feeling. Continue to journal or simply write things down occasionally. But as was mentioned before, you may not encounter the most appropriate advice here, and speaking with a counselor would really help you a lot. If you are going to college soon, a lot of college campuses have a counseling center.

  2. Don’t be so hard on yourself. I noticed you apologized about your grammar, you didn’t want to talk to your friends about this so they wouldn’t think you were feeling bad about yourself, and you felt guilty about your interactions with guys. Don’t worry. You are already on the right track with all of the self-awareness you seem to have accomplished. Healing is a process and I will pray for your patience.

  3. This may not help at first because sometimes this is hard to understand but just know that God is our Father who has been with you every step of the way. He will never let you go. You are in the palm of his hand. It seems like you have a lot of fear. Please read Isaiah 43:

Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.


#6

thank you both-- I really appreciate some encouraging advice-- I will start keeping a journal, I think it will really help a lot. Thanks for the scripture too, and I will keep it in mind.


#7

remember, too, little one that many of us went through very similar things growing up. My father walked out on us when I was 6 and my brother was an infant. I was blessed to have a good Catholic mother (not that you don’t - I did not mean that at all!) who never shut the door on my dad despite his immoral and ridiculous lifestyle.

My father passed away 4 years ago. Ten days before he died, he was reconciled to the Church, went to Confession and received the Eucharist for the first time in about 40 years.

You are on the right track…journal and pray…and look for how you can be an instrument of God’s Will…not your own.

God bless you!


#8

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