Hi. I don’t know if this is in the right category, if not I apologize. I’m 16 years old. I was raped and became pregnant and gave birth to a baby boy almost 2 years ago now. I went through RCIA last July and got confirmed in May. I’ve been part of the Church for a little over a year now. I’ve also been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. So, cut to the chase, we had sex. I never ever ever, EVER planned on it. I wanted to wait until marriage, I don’t know why I fell into temptation this time but I did and I feel absolutely horrible. The worst part is, we had sex one time, and now I’m pregnant. I’m 4 weeks along. The only reason I’m here asking for advice is because I have no idea what to do about this situation. If my parents find out, they’re going to kick me out. That sounds bad in itself considering I have a son, but that’s not it. I’ve had 2 surgeries on my uterus in the past 2 years, if I keep this baby, my uterus will rupture, and I am going to die. It’s not a chance, not a possibility, it’s what is going to happen. I would ANY DAY give my life for my baby, but I have a son already. I have a beautiful baby boy who needs me. I can not die. But I can’t even fathom the thought of getting an abortion. I’m trying to channel my inner St. Gianna and praying as much as I can, especially since she’s who I chose as my confirmation name, which makes me feel even more horrid for these thoughts and what has happened. I don’t know what to do, I feel like the worst person already just for having sex but if I get an abortion I just don’t know if I’d ever be able to even call myself a mother let alone a good person or a Catholic again. All I can do is cry and pray. Part of me is hoping if I were to keep the baby, I wouldn’t die. But if I don’t and we survive, then I’m homeless with two children at 16. I have no idea what to do. Maybe I should go talk to a priest but I’m so scared of the backlash which is just going to add more stress to what’s going on. I don’t know if I need advice or help or maybe I just needed somewhere to vent. I’m sorry for how long this is I just sort of trailed off, and sorry for any bad spelling or grammar. Thank you to anyone who may try and help. God bless.
You sinned. Welcome to the club. I’ve been here awhile.
Look, ultimately, this isn’t a question for a forum. I know I’m way out of my league on this. However, the one thing I can offer, I will.
I’m 45 years old. I’ve sinned. I’ve gone through bouts of depression. I’ve had very bad thoughts, and been through bad times when I thought that there was no way out and I could do nothing right. Two things helped me. A) Lots of prayer, and B) Being told that I needed counseling by professionals.
I will pray for you, and ask others to do the same.
I’m also taking the time to tell you that you need counseling by professionals. Good professionals, NOT Planned Parenthood, but some Christian professional counselors who can put you in touch with Christian medical professionals who can help and guide you.
There is Hope. He is Christ. Believe in him, find someone to help, and God Bless you, your Boyfriend (I’m hoping he is there for you) and both your children.
Call your priest. We take care of things like this a lot. He will be able to help you.
You are in my prayers.
First off, I’m so sorry to hear about what happened to you. I know it doesn’t really mean anything coming from a stranger, but really, I am.
On to your question, it is never morally permissible to procure an abortion. The choice to kill your child, no matter the “justification” or hardship faced. I’m sorry if this sounds unsympathetic, but you asked, and this is the fact of the matter.
Now, it is important to understand the principle of double effect. This is when an action has an unintended, but known, consequence. A relevant example of this is when the child implants in the Fallopian tubes. It is necessary to remove the tubes to save the mother’s life, even though it has the known, but undesired, side effect of killing the child. It may be that, in order to save your life, it is necessary to perform an operation which will have the undesired, but certain, side effect of ending the child’s life. Given that you have another child, you may want to talk to your doctor about what can be done. It may be possible to reinforce the Uterine wall to prevent a tear, I don’t know, not a doctor.
You definitely need to speak with a good, faithful priest. I know you don’t want to, but you really need spiritual guidance here. Also, if you haven’t, you really need to go to confession for the sex part of this.
It is terrible that you find yourself in this situation. I cannot even begin to comprehend how difficult it is for you; but you came here looking for a Catholic perspective. The Church has made it unequivocally clear that you cannot actively seek to end your child’s life. That is the long and short of it. Please do not get an abortion.
One last thing, there are dozens and dozens of shelters that exist to take in women in your exact situation. If you tell us what city you live in, we’d be more than happy to help you find a shelter that would take you in if your parents do react as poorly as you think they will. (I’d be willing to bet they won’t though.)
I don’t know who told you this scare story, but it sounds very unlikely. You need the best medical advice. It is unfortunate that you have a difficult relationship with your parents. Consult with a priest, they advise people in bad situations all the time.
I would suggest you contact the National Catholic Bioethics Center. They have trained professionals who will give you an educated answer wrt your medical prognosis. https://www.ncbcenter.org/
Also, there is a Respect Life office at your Diocese. Give them a call, google your state + city + “Catholic Diocese”. They will be open regular business hours.
I am praying for you and for both of your children.
Contact them ASAP.
This topic has received every acceptable answer.
Two people you need to talk to:
a doctor – not just any doctor, a specialist in difficult pregnancies
You are in our prayers.
Thank you for your kind words. I think I’m gonna go to another doctor and if they say I can pull through and stay safe while keeping my baby, I’m going to. I’m going to consult a priest also and have a talk just to get me through my spiritual troubles. It’s a rough situation but for my baby it’s worth it. Thank you.
My heart goes out to you, your family, and both of your children.
you are in my prayers… and please follow the advise on seeking
ethical and further prognosis medical advise.
And by all means consult a priest.
And just an anecdotal true account regarding some children of mothers who directly
shared them with me,
from a poor background, which may or may not be directly related.
The mothers who supported life, did not listen to the doctors advise
and had perfectly healthy children. In all of the instances, the doctor
said there was something wrong with the child and/or maternity;
and in all cases they were completely wrong. And cases like this,
with a lot more evidence of purposeful bad advice have been reported.
I’ve heard of cases like this before, but I did not note the sources.
When I read them, I saw no reason to believe they were not credible.
but in today’s climate - prayerful caution and prudence is good.
I will keep you in my prayers.
Okay, thank you so much.
Starting off this dialogue with “you sinned” is probably the worst way you could approach this. OP, please talk to a priest and not internet strangers.
And to @Jimbo come on, she’s 16
Thank you so much. I believe in myself and in my body and I’m gonna pray as much as I can and care for myself as much as I can, and keep my baby. No matter how hard it might be. Thank you!
Remember no matter what, God will always love you. He is so compassionate. You never have to be afraid because God will be with you during every moment and will never leave you. Take all your worries to the Father. God loves you and calls you His precious daughter
Thank you for the advice and kind words. I’ve came to a decision that no matter what I’m going to keep my baby. My parents aren’t very loving and they probably will but I will find somewhere to go and trust in God that he’ll get me through this struggle. Thank you.
Please be very prudent. Consult with the ethics organization noted above by someone else.
Try to find a Pro Life Christian doctor.
The Church teaches that in cases where a mother needs treatment for a condition
that is medically necessary when carrying a child,
for example, ectopic pregnancy or severe cancer — it is merciful to condone
the treatment, that is is not directly killing a child.
yes, St. Gianna Molla and her family showed heroic virtue — but she was able
to carry the child to term.
So, if you need some medical treatment - and do not receive it; you and your child
and family may suffer.
So please ask, seek, and knock for sound Christian Pro life, and ethical medical advise
in your situation. There are loving caring ethical compassionate people who can help you.
As far as your home situation… I can’t imagine the emotional and
other intense struggle, but there are maternal homes if it comes down to it.
And they help parents/mothers get on their feet.
There is Good Counsel Homes near NYC and FL.
Heartbeat International, 1-800-712-HELP and other organizations will help you
find local help.
There is Catholic Charities.
But the best is a healing with your mom to help you and the child.