About cybersex with spouse

Hi pls help me to know if iam sinning against god.it is been 3months that iam married and my husband is abroad since a month,we chat over video call. i wanted to know if it is a sin to have orgasm in the physical absence of ur husband but you were in a cybersex with him.
i find it as masturbation as he is not physically present but virtually does over call.

Is it a grave sin to confess and not commit it anymore,if so how to stop doing this as it has already become a habit for both of us.

It is a mortal sin.

It is a sin of grave matter, and therefore could be a mortal sin.
In order for a sin to be mortal,
(1) it must be grave matter,
(2) you must know that it is wrong,
(3) you must freely choose to do it (you are not coerced).

The actions you describe go against the two ends of the marital act: procreative and unitive. The procreative aspect means that intercourse must happen in the natural way, without contraception (this has nothing to do with the actual fertility of either spouse). The unitive aspect means that it must be a loving act that results in the union of bodies, and that supports the bond between husband and wife. Anything that goes against the proper ends of the marital act, or that is done in substitution for the marital act (instead of) is a sin of grave matter.
There is a book which you might like to read, called
The Good News About Sex and Marriage, by Christopher West

In support of previous posts, here is an official statement from the Church in the Catechism pertaining to the proper order of sexual activity to be naturally open to life:CCC#2366 Fecundity is a gift, an end of marriage, for conjugal love naturally tends to be fruitful. A child does not come from outside as something added on to the mutual love of the spouses, but springs from the very heart of that mutual giving, as its fruit and fulfillment. So the Church, which is “on the side of life,” teaches that “it is necessary that each and every marriage act remain ordered per se to the procreation of human life.” “This particular doctrine, expounded on numerous occasions by the Magisterium, is based on the inseparable connection, established by God, which man on his own initiative may not break, between the unitive significance and the procreative significance which are both inherent to the marriage act.” (read more in surrounding paragraphs)

God bless you for even asking and looking into this. :slight_smile:


Yes, what you are doing is gravely wrong. What you are doing is neither unitive nor procreative. Instead, you are both masturbating.

Perhaps it is wise to think of it this way: “cybersex” is masturbation, pure and simple. It is not having sex with the person in the video, or on the other end of a live feed.

Thank you everybody for your replies,greatly helped me,feeling frustrated about being so sinfull.please support us with your prayers.i will offer this in mass and try not to fall in this addiction any more…pls pray for us.

Thank you.

Offering this at Mass is a good thing but try to bring it to Confession before you receive Communion.

Dear catholic friends,

         I would like to share this with you people,i have been struggling with this sin for quite a long time,but had the deepest desire to be free of this addiction even before our wedding.i attended a prayer meeting which was for 5 days last month and prayed seriously about this,To my surprise i have gained amazing self control now and God has surely touched me and has delivered me from this bondage of sin.Its true i happened to sin once after that prayer meet,but i confessed honestly and these days even if my husband tempts me over video call i am able to say a big NO and pray for him.Thank u God for this deliverance.

                        But am really sad about my husband as he is still struggling with this sin(masturbation/cybersex with me),how can i help him about this,he is still abroad and dont really have holidays to come here and attend a week's prayer.am afraid if he might sin without my knowledge or hide things from me as am not with him like before for masturbating/cybersex

Please reply…sorry for the long passage.

Hi RM,
I am so thankful that you have been released from the bondage to this sin. That is certainly something to be praising God about!

My advice for now, while your husband is abroad, is to PRAY for him everyday. Pray for his chastity, for his conversion of heart and mind in this matter, and for your marriage. Be loving and respectful if he brings it up, but definitely stand your ground on it. He will not benefit if you consent to sin with him. Be careful not to make him feel ashamed. Just plainly say that you understand now that it is wrong, and that while you are longing to be reunited with him again, you want to do what is right. Acknowledge that it is a huge sacrifice to be apart and it is a tremendous struggle to remain chaste. It is important for you and him to be united and for him to understand that you understand his suffering, being away from you and away from home. He may or may not fall into solo masturbation. Pray now, that if the situation arises where he wants to talk about it, that the Holy Spirit will guide you in your reaction and response.

I think that, generally speaking, it takes a while for one spouse to “catch up” when their spouse has gone through such a big conversion as you have. It will be challenging for you to remain patient and compassionate when it is all so clear to you now. But your loving witness can be a source of sanctification for your husband now. I have seen similar transformation in my own marriage and have heard testimonies of similar experiences in other marriages. God bless!

Thank you,feeling good and motivated reading this,will do so and God only be with me.

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