On being Catholic in today’s world. MEMBER FORUM.
I don’t know if this is specifically about Catholic Living, but I would appreciate any feedback. I have a woman who I have been friends with for over 25 years. We met at a prayer group. She had a daughter with an Intellectual Disability and we became friends, I think because she saw our family’s kindness to her daughter. But, 2 years ago, her daughter had a mental breakdown and was hospitalized. I have gone with her to the hospitals and drive her several times a year to a hospital in another state for another genetic condition. I have tried to be a good friend. My husband and I have become guardians for 2 teenage grandchildren 3 years ago because their father died and my daughter; their mom has drug and alcohol problems for which she will not seek assistance. This week a friend of my friend passed away suddenly and she asked me to stay with her daughter on Sunday. I agreed but then my grandson woke with eye swollen shut and in pain. We went to doctor and he had raging conjunctivitis, I called her and offered to stay with her daughter on any day following week so she could visit husband of friend. There was no funeral or viewing and the husband was only having a few people over on Sunday My friend said that wasn’t possible since he asked her to come Sunday. This gentleman is retired and I said he would be happy to see her but she said, “No …he is very formal and I can’t invite myself another day”. Then her other daughter texted me berating me for not following through. I texted I offered to watch her another day But, her daughter went on to say how poorly I have treated her mother and how disappointed in me she is. I apologized…said I am not perfect but that I am the guardian of my grandson and am sorry he became ill unexpectedly. I said that her mother has such high expectations that no one can meet them. Her daughter said how dare I blame her mom. My husband and my 5 daughters think that this is a toxic relationship. My friend demanding and I doing because she has alienated her small family and friends. I try to pray and not stress. But while helping her one Saturday, I tore meniscus in my knee so I wasn’t capable of lifting. She couldn’t get people to help her with fixing house up for sale and tried to get people, but they never worked out and she always had a complaint about their work. A contractor friend was at her house for 5 weeks when he was suppose to be there 4 days. My friend has never made any attempt to have any people with disabilities be her daughter’s friend. She always says that her daughter feels she is completely normal. But, that has severely limited her daughters acquaintances to a handful of adults. I know, the immense responsibility my friend has but I have tried my best over the years. On one hand I feel Christ would turn the other cheek but I have backed off. Once her out of state daughter said her mom is like a general, and she needs foot soldiers.
My friend is good hearted but I do think she is unforgiving. I have seen it in her relationships over the years. She says she forgives, but never forgets………I am torn about this…I am weary…Sweet Jesus help !!
You’ll get more help if you start a new thread with your situation.
This seems odd, but I don’t see how to start a new thread on this website, and I would like to start my own thread in this section. Can you help point out how to start your own conversation thread on here? Thanks!
Blue cross. Bottom right hand corner.
I saw no second post by the OP. Late to this, but what I see from your side of he story is that your friend is (has become?) very controlling and demanding, and yes she needs foot soldiers because she can’t handle her own life or has figured out how to run everyone around there in circles while she apparently sits and dictates. She is using you like a servant, if this is all true, a dormat - and I would have had enough of it right at the point where, if after 25 years, her daughter went on to say how poorly you have treated her mother and how disappointed in you she is. Who is her daughter to presume to speak to you like that? When her daughter said how dare you blame her mom, that shows that there’s a horrible situation where everyone else is to blame except the person at the center of it, and those immediately around her are pushing that ‘blame’ out to her friends, if she has any others left. You said “My husband and my 5 daughters think that this is a toxic relationship.” They are 100% right. Terminate (by blocking comunications if necessary) it or at least set limits, but only set limits if you are willing to set them in reinforced concrete. Otherwise you may cave indue to your good nature and any “correction” to this unhealthy situation which could benefit you and your friend will fail. Jesus did not tell us to be doormats.
This is not the appropriate thread to discuss this. No one will read it. Except us!