My fiance and I are getting married in June. We’re not planning on kids for a year or two. He’s a teacher moving back from a small town to our larger one, and I work as an HR manager for my dad’s company. Here’s the problem: I make 70,000 a year, he makes 25,000. I want to be a stay at home mom, but I don’t want to try to live on a teacher’s salary. We don’t need an income as big as mine either, and it isn’t a priority to keep it that high. I was telling my sister just today that we were actually considering part time daycare. I could work part time, with an obvious salary reduction, and he would be off work by 3:30. She was horrified. She kept telling me that people who put their kids in daycare just don’t want to raise their kids and may as well get pets! I don’t want to put them in full time daycare just so I can keep a high paying job, and am not considering it. But she was adamant that ANY sort of working while being a mother is horrendous. This is the thing, her husband works for my father, and makes well into the three figures. They have a 400,000 house, brand new cars, etc. I realize she is still giving up a TON, she has four kids under the age of 12 and is an incredible mom, but she’s never had to face not having everything she and her kids needed or even wanted. I’m talking working enough to make at least in the 30,000 range, so we can still do things like send the kids to Catholic schools, let them take dance lessons, start college funds. I’m not talking about working so we can buy a house like hers. I asked what she would do in my situation and she of course said she’d make her husband get a different career (while also suggesting he work for my father in sales). He loves his job, and I think it’s an exceptional and admirable job, I want our kids to see their father the teacher, that’s home at 4:30pm, that loves what he does even though it doesn’t make him rich. She says “if that means putting your kids in a daycare AT ALL then it’s not worth it.”
The reason this is all coming up now is that in the next two years we’ll be making quite a bit more than we will in the years after that. We can and are planning on saving as much as possible. But we need to plan now, so we make decisions based on the financial situation that we’ll be in in the future. I’m torn about this, and want to do the right thing.