Hey guys. I have somewhat of a situation on my hands and wanted to hear your guys’ opinion. I apologize for the long post. But please read through this and let me know what you think.
Ok…first off, I’m getting married next month. The end of August to be exact. My fiancee and I are both very excited and what not and we can’t wait to be married. Here’s the thing though. My fiancee has been diagnosed with some kind of syndrome called “PCOP” or something like that. It’s this syndrome that affects the hormones and ovulation cycles of a woman so much to the point that she doesn’t have a period, her weight starts to go up, she may get more hair in certain parts of her body, etc., etc.
This has been going on for a while now. To make a long story short, my fiancee got pregnant by the guy she was with before me and her got together and after she had the baby (which was almost 2 years ago) her body has just not been the same. While they were giving her the C Section, they discovered that she had a fibroid. And that started affecting her period. So they put her on birth control to make her body have a period. After a few months, the fiborid shrunk so my fiancee got off the birth control, but then her period stopped again. And that’s when they diagnosed her with this PCOP thing.
We went to the doctor yesterday and the good news is, that she can get treated for this syndrome using methods that don’t involve birth control (thank GOD) and it will bring her period and her body size back to normal with some time. However, the bad news is, that the doctor advised us to abstain from having sex until her cycles are back to normal. Strictly because of the fact that since she’s not having a period but still experiencing some symptoms (such as the discharge from her vagina and cramps and stuff), it could really throw us off while trying to practice NFP. Which is also a new experience for us. Because neither her or I have tried NFP and since her body isn’t acting normally, it would be hard to tell when she’s ovulating and when she isn’t. So to prevent having anymore kids for now, the doctor highly advised waiting until her cycles are back to normal. And we don’t even know how long that’ll take. It could be a few weeks or it could be a few months from now.
My fiancee and I have been together for 2 years now. And in that whole time, her and I have abstained from having relations with each other because we are both preserving ourselves until we’re married. I’m a virgin, but she’s obviously not a virgin because of the baby she had. She’s not Catholic either, but she’s always respected my beliefs as a Catholic and so that’s why she hasn’t forced me or pressured me into having sex with her this whole time. So we’ve both abstained together (her for 2 years and me all my life so far) and we were both very excited about the wedding night. Because once we’re married we could make love to each other the right way (God’s way). But now that the doctor has told us to wait even LONGER, it just really frustrates the both of us. Because now having abstained after all this time, now we have to abstain even longer. And we have a 1 week honeymoon package booked for Puerto Rico the day after the wedding. If we go over there and can’t even make love to each other, it’s just not gonna feel like a honeymoon. So we’re both very frustrated right now. Because we don’t know how long it’s gonna take for her body to go back to normal.
And to be honest, my fiancee hasn’t been making it any easier on me. Her first reaction was asking me to use a condom on our wedding night. And immediatly I was like “No, of course not.” Because the doctor didn’t advise to abstain from using NFP. She advised us to abstain from having SEX period overall. Until her cycsles are back to normal. And then she got angry and then I got angry and…the past day or so just hasn’t been easy. I mean the wedding planning in itself was hectic enough. And now to hear that even when we’re married we’re STILL going to have to wait. It’s just unbearable.
A side of me is telling me to just use some condoms for the wedding night and the honeymoon (just so that we can make some kind of love on our first night together as husband and wife and on our honeymoon) and then not ever use them again afterwards. Because we’re both going to feel misearable going on a honeymoon knowing that we won’t be able to make love to one another. Especially after waiting as long as we have waited. But the spiritual side of me is like “If I use a condom on our first night as husband and wife, not only will I be disregarding everything I believe as a catholic christian, but all that waiting would’ve been for nothing. If I’ve waited all this time to make love to the woman of my dreams in the right way and then end up using a condom, then the wait was for nothing. I could’ve used a condom at anytime with her or any of my other past gf’s. But I didn’t, because I was waiting to do it in the right way. And that is not done by using artificial contraception.” Not to mention, I don’t want my first time to be done using a condom. That just wouldn’t feel right to me. This is my wife, why should I use a condom? It’s just really messing with my head, ya know? What do you guys think?