Thank you all for your good advice so far but some things are confused so I'll try to paint a clearer picture of the family dynamics.
I am the eldest of 3 siblings, I live an hour away from these relatives with my husband. I have 2 grown unmarried sons.
My first sibling is the brother(the abustive onein this post). He lives with my mother and his 18 year old, 16 year old and 13 year old daughters. He never married his 3 children's mother. She has no contact with him. He hates her. The children see her occassionally. She has no interest in raising them.
My second sibling is my sister. She is an alcholic. Child protective services have been called on her. She is on probation for domestic abuse against her boyfriend. She lives with the boyfriend his 3 children and her 3 children. The boyfriend's daughter 15 just had a baby and now lives with the babie's father's parent. I have no contact with my sister because she got very abusive with me 2 Christmas's ago. She told me F you and hung up on me when I was tryng to make holiday arrangements with her. I have since had to bail her out of jail(the domestic abuse incident) and have had temporary custody of her 2 youngest children. (the social services incident)She is a chronic liar and a thief. She hates me.
My 3rd sibling is my youngest brother. He lives around the corner from my mother. He suffers from mental illness(in his younger years he was in and out of mental hospitals but now he refuses to get help). He lives with a girl her met in the mental hospital. They have one daughter 10 years old. They are not married because it would cut their disability check. I have befriended his girlfriend. She tries very hard to do what best for the daughter but my brother is also very verbaly abusive to her.He occassionally does things like cutting his wrists or taking overdoses. He won't speak to anyone in the family.(which is a good thing) As of last summer, he no longer will speak to me. He says it's because I don't do anything for him. He told me I am a piece of sh-t. I do try to help him but he needs more than I can do for him. He is trying very hard to keep his girlfriend from talking to me. He doesn't allow her to answer the phone when I call. She is also mentally ill and sometimes she gets very angry with me (because he tells her horrible lies)and refuses to talk to me for weeks. I care very much for his girlfriend and this hurts me very much but I can't do anything about it. I pray for her that she will discover the truth and that I am her friend. I offer this pain to the Lord for her, my niece and my brother.
My mother is bitter over my father leaving her when we were children. She never got over it.
She lived very much like my sister does now. Lots of men, alchohol and was always trying to commit suicide. We were severely neglected after my father left. She would tell us always(like my eldest brother does to his children) that my father did not want us. (it may have been true but it was cruel to say). After I was grown and out of the house, my mother went back to the Church. It has done her no good because she uses the faith to do her own will and justify some very bad actions. I still think that God has a hold on her but that the grudge against my father is in her way of getting healed. She had a fall and broke her hip a year ago. She told all my uncle,her cousin and the priest at her Church that we wanted her to die and that we were throwing away her things. She refused to come live with me for her recovery and went to my sister's renta in stead. She has always shown covert distain for me but lately she has been much worse and has begun to act hateful toward me. I think is is because I am healing and becoming stronger in my relationship with Our Lord. She called me Saint (my name), very sarcastically, last week when I told her she should not tell my Uncle to baptize his grandson in secret.
If you begin to think that my mother may be the biggest contributing factor in the mess, I believe you are probably correct.
I have almost given up on helping my siblings what I can't bring myself to abandon is my connection to the 6 nieces and 1 nephew. So I keep at it and I run into alot of trouble navigating these relationships with my mother and siblings in order to see the children.