Acceptable for people to date others of the same sex?


#1

Hi, a Catholic friend of mine and I are having a big debate over the morality of dating someone of the same sex. She has bisexual tendencies, and desires to have another woman to love. She believes it will bring her closer to God because she will have someone to love and will have another thing to be thankful to the Lord for.

I argued against this, saying that acting upon and indulging in such unnatural desires should be nothing to be thankful about. She doesn’t believe in doing anything more than “going out” with another woman and wouldn’t have any sort of sexual relations, but says it would feel natural and would make her happy. “…and God wants me to be happy.”

Someone please give the answer to this debate.


#2

Define date.

-D


#3

It sounds like she’s looking for a way to put herself into a situation so tempting that she can’t blame herself for giving in.

Just a guess, of course.

I agree with Darcee though that it depends of how “date” is being defined.


#4

Well, I believe she wants another girl to love and stuff like that. A girlfriend, someone who she could freely express her attraction to. I think it’s something like that.


#5

If the relationship she is talking about would be okay for a married man, it would be no problem for her. If it is more than that, ask her if she is not fooling herself. Friendships are necessary, but one still has to avoid the near occasion of sin (not to mention avoid subjecting oneself to torture.)


#6

On the surface, you see two women or two men out in public and we have no right to judge them…they could be brothers, friends, or co-workers.
However, what goes on between the two of them, God only knows their hearts and thoughts.
Unless they ‘come out’ and say they are dating, then we should treat them as two people going out socially.

go with God!
Edwin


#7

totally agree

There is nothing intrinsically wrong with spending time with a friend of the same gender. Love means many things, I love several of my close friends, my family, inlaws, my children. Love is fine. In fact we are called to love one another.

But if you are talking about a physical or sexual relationship then No.

But surely you know this… so what is the real question?

-D


#8

Spending time with people of the same sex obviously in and of itself is not wrong. Most normal heterosexual people have a network of same-sex friends that they can hang out with. However, when you use the word “date” and indicate that your friend is bi-sexual and wants a loving relationship, my red flag automatically goes up. This person is tempting fate and seems to be open to a romantic relationship if the possibility arose. In the latter case, it would appear to be just as sinful as if that person had a same-sex relationship involving sexual relations. A committed Catholic knows that this is contrary to what the church teaches, namely: sexual relationships should only be reserved for opposite sex married couples who are open to the possibility for life. Same-sex relationships of this kind are disordered, violate the natural law, and frustrate God’s original design for marriage and the complementarity of the sexes. I’ll pray that your friend can discern this properly.


#9

Well, my friend intends on going so far as to “make out” with her girlfriend on these dates…and that’s what alarms me. Is there anything more I can say to her? She was just getting started to really embrace Catholicism again after dabbling in the Wicca, and now I’m afraid this might turn her away again.


#10

This looks like a job for Pure Love

This poor girl is starving for love it sounds like. Unfortunately, real love is doing what is best for the beloved, and leading some other poor girl to an ever-downward spiraling road of sexual depravity isn’t it.

Scott


#11

If she is just getting back to the Church, than she should be in contact with a priest. This is excellent material for a talk with him.

If she hasn’t met with a priest yet Max, get a move on and help her out.


#12

[quote=Max]Hi, a Catholic friend of mine and I are having a big debate over the morality of dating someone of the same sex. She has bisexual tendencies, and desires to have another woman to love. She believes it will bring her closer to God because she will have someone to love and will have another thing to be thankful to the Lord for.

I argued against this, saying that acting upon and indulging in such unnatural desires should be nothing to be thankful about. She doesn’t believe in doing anything more than “going out” with another woman and wouldn’t have any sort of sexual relations, but says it would feel natural and would make her happy. “…and God wants me to be happy.”

Someone please give the answer to this debate.
[/quote]

Absolutely not. In another post you said they would “make out”. Well, that is a sexual relationship. It is a sin against chastity.

As far as “God wants me to be happy”… well, that’s a cop out. I guess a thief can say that it’s OK to steal stuff because having a large screen tv would make me happy and God wants me to be happy. God actually wants you with him in Heaven, and that requires conformity to His will.

Think of it this way-- is a fish more free in or out of the water, or a train more free on or off the tracks? To be happy, to exercise authentic freedom, we must operate within the nature built into us by God. A fish out of water quickly dies, a train off the tracks is a train wreck. Your friend will be a human “train wreck” if she pursues the homosexual life-- living in contradiction to the nature God gave her (complimentary between man and woman) and will be living outside God’s will for the human person. In this state, she can never TRULY be happy.


#13

[quote=1ke]Absolutely not. In another post you said they would “make out”. Well, that is a sexual relationship. It is a sin against chastity.

As far as “God wants me to be happy”… well, that’s a cop out. I guess a thief can say that it’s OK to steal stuff because having a large screen tv would make me happy and God wants me to be happy. God actually wants you with him in Heaven, and that requires conformity to His will.

Think of it this way-- is a fish more free in or out of the water, or a train more free on or off the tracks? To be happy, to exercise authentic freedom, we must operate within the nature built into us by God. A fish out of water quickly dies, a train off the tracks is a train wreck. Your friend will be a human “train wreck” if she pursues the homosexual life-- living in contradiction to the nature God gave her (complimentary between man and woman) and will be living outside God’s will for the human person. In this state, she can never TRULY be happy.
[/quote]

Right on. Very well put.


#14

There is a Catholic ministry called Courage to help people with these sort of tendencies and temptations, and that is what she is experiencing…temptations. Can’t call it anything less. couragerc.net/ Is their new website. Check it out for suggestions.


#15

Thank you everyone for the excellent resources! I will use your suggestions the next time I talk to her…I guess I’ll keep everyone posted on how things go, and if they don’t work out…well, I guess I can always come back here and explain the situation to ask for more backup. I don’t want to give up on my friend, and I don’t want to see her risk falling away from the Church again.


#16

Homosexual making out is definitely wrong. Even if there were no making out or anything like that, it would still be wrong because it is wrong to indulge in homosexual desires. Being with someone in order to satisfy one’s homosexual desires even if it doesn’t involve anything “physical”, not even holding hands, is still wrong. It would be like if Michael Jackson were a pedophile and he spent time with children to satisfy his pedophile desires. Even if Mr Jackson were to not do anything “physical” with the children, it would still be wrong. Note I am not accusing Mr Jackson of being a pedophile; I’m just using him as a hypothetical example. Homosexuality isn’t just forbidden; it’s wholly unnatural and contrary to human nature.


#17

Women go out with women, Men go out with men. No touchy, feely or any warm tendencies towards each other, just companionship, should be fine. The moment we think What if, then the sin has been committed. When you ask your friend a question like she asked you, then what is happening is that she knows it is wrong but wants your or someones approval so then she does not feel like it is a sin. Have fun and remember, God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.


#18

[quote=Dreamer]Women go out with women, Men go out with men. No touchy, feely or any warm tendencies towards each other, just companionship, should be fine. The moment we think What if, then the sin has been committed. When you ask your friend a question like she asked you, then what is happening is that she knows it is wrong but wants your or someones approval so then she does not feel like it is a sin. Have fun and remember, God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.
[/quote]

Excellent point. I would nuance it by saying that thinking “What if” would not constitute a sin unless it was seriously entertained by consent of the will.

Scott


#19

Well let’s talk a little about Catholic dating first of all.

Dating in the true Catholic sense of the word is meant to find a partner that you will eventually marry. So that leaves out dating someone of the same sex.

Dating someone of the same sex still rules out premarital sex for Catholics - any kind of sexual activity, deep kissing, fondlng, etc.

Companionship is another issue and that just means enjoying the company of a friend in social situations without any romantic intention or actions.

Unless someone is seeking a mate for marriage, probably pure companionship with both sexes is the safest road to follow.


#20

Dating in the true Catholic sense of the word is meant to find a partner that you will eventually marry. So that leaves out dating someone of the same sex.

Excellent point, but does that mean that even heterosexuals can’t date at, say, 15? Dating at this age will likely not result in marriage, but is there anything wrong with that?


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.