Accidentally sinning

Hello. So in the past, I have posted about this problem I have, with the blasphemous thoughts that keep popping into my head simply because I try to keep them away and therefore focus too much on them.
These are completely accidental and I try my very best to get rid of them.

Yesterday I went to confession. I confessed these thoughts, mentioning that it was not on purpose. I have gotten better at keeping them away, mostly by the act of not totally attempting to (just quickly shifting away rather than reprimanding myself or focusing on their gravity).

Today at mass, I planned to receive communion for the first time in years. I had not committed any mortal sin since confession yesterday, except that the thoughts still plagued me, especially because I was worrying about them. I spent a lot of time during mass trying to deliberate over whether or not to receive communion. Although I knew that I was in a state of grace because these thoughts were not on purpose, it is difficult to really convince oneself of that.

At the very last minute I got in line and received for the first time in 7 years. It was the most amazing spiritual experience I have ever encountered, and after receiving it was like every thought just melted away - new strength with Christ. But I still had trouble really convincing myself that i was in a state of grace.

I kept going back and forth during mass beforehand. “I’m not required to receive today, better safe than sorry”. “But you’re in a state of grace, you are safe, not sorry”. “What if I’m not in a state of grace? I haven’t been trying as hard to not think these thoughts”. “That’s because it’s the only way to keep them away. You’re being scrupulous”. “This is The Most Blessed Sacrament, maybe a little bit of better safe than sorry is required here” “This is faith, not physics, if it’s not your fault then you are not responsible” “How can I be certain it’s not my fault?” “Even if it does happen to be your fault, you are clearly not aware of it, so even if you are not in a state of grace you can’t be held responsible for receiving within it because you are not aware of it”. “Are you sure it works that way? Maybe you should wait another week, go to confession again”. “I will, but I am in a state of grace now, so I should receive now”. “Yes, but are you SURE”. “YES” “well I’m not”

I know I’m probably being scrupulous, I have a tendency to do that. I just really need some reassurance that I made the right decision in receiving.

For the future - think about this:

Scruples are to be* dismissed *not dialogued with or argued with.

You need a regular confessor to guide you.

To borrow an image from a Carthusian Monk from centuries ago - treat scruples (or even unwanted thoughts of blasphemy) like one would a barking dog or a hissing goose -one does not stop to argue with a barking dog or a hissing goose does one?

It is very important for you to have a *regular confessor *who will then know your soul and be able to direct you…he can even give you principles for you to apply. Such as what you are to do when such happens -then one follows that direction (instead of “going back and forth”…)…

All sorts of thoughts can happen to us out of the blue…

the fact that a though happened to one- does not mean per se there was* any sin*.

And for mortal sin one needs not only grave matter, but full knowledge and deliberate (complete) consent…

(And some need some medical/professional assistance in this area…such as medication etc )

Now…

For the next few moments --try real hard NOT to think of Apple.

then scroll down.

What did you think of?

An apple.

Even though your will was against it -you did not want to think of an apple.

Now back to thoughts of blasphemy …

The best thing to do with such thoughts is not to fight them directly --not fear that they will come…do not consent and simply and calmly turn to something else…(or it may be best to keep doing the good thing one is doing…like they come out of the blue when your at work …keep working …etc)

Ignore such unwanted thoughts like one would ignore a hissing goose or a barking dog. One does not stop to argue with a hissing goose or a barking dog does one? No one keeps on walking…and at most laughs at them…

(as noted above the image there comes from a Carthusian Monk from centuries ago…)

Okay - first of all, passing thoughts are not sins - they’re temptations. Second of all, most of us are not fully sure whether we are in a state of grace or not when we receive Communion. It’s just how it is. It’s like, most of us here on CAF know when we are definitely not in a state of grace, but no one knows for sure if oneself is definitely in a state of grace. Regardless, regarding your thoughts, it may be a good idea to read and pray over Matthew 4:1-11 and/or Luke 4:1-13. These two passages are about when Satan tried to tempt Jesus. Do some more in depth research of the meanings of the two passages. Jesus was definitely tempted - and the temptations are often said to be temptations to be “a different kind of Messiah”.

The first temptation was to be able to miraculously feed the entire world (turn these stones into loaves of bread).
The second temptation (in Matthew - it’s the third in Luke) was to showcase God’s power by provoking a miracle (jump off of the parapet of the temple, and call on God’s angels to save you).
The third miracle (in Matthew, the second in Luke) was to worship Satan in order that Jesus could be an Earthly emperor over the entire world.

Satan very much did tempt Jesus - and, though these temptations are shown to have happened after 40 days in the desert, they very well may have also followed Jesus throughout His ministry. But Jesus knew what His calling was - He was called to save the world through His own suffering, death, and resurrection, and He refused to let these temptations stand in His way (though, after the Last Supper, He did beg the Father if there could be another way).

I start debating first thing Sunday morning: should I receive today? What horrible things have I committed/omitted? I am scrupulous, but will say truthfully that most times, I am far more likely to stay away from communion.

Today, the teenaged girl in front of me was combing her hair during the consecration, and our Eucharistic minister, a nice enough man, is the homosexual man, living openly with his partner - to whom he is “engaged.” Sigh… I can never get passed these issues. Not that I am better than either the young girl or the man, it just drives me insane that they can take communion without a blink, even distribute the Body and Blood, and yet I cannot, in good conscience.

My Priest, a truly holy shepherd, once advised that - if you have gotten up to join the communion queue, you must trust that God inspired you to get up. Any temptation or self recrimination, or doubt that you struggle with WHILE in the queue, is probably the devil trying to prevent you to go. He also pointed out how important receiving Communion is for people who tend toward scrupulosity. The Eucharist is a healing sacrament that the devil does not want you to receive.
I hope this advice that helped me, also helps you.
Pax Christi

Maybe it’s time for you to get a spiritual director or regular confessor. Oftentimes, scrupulous people with a regular confessor or spiritual director will have rules set by their confessor or director on how often they should go to confession and rules on whether or not they should receive communion.

OP, you made the right decision to receive. Jesus gave us the Sacraments to help us on our salvation journey. Be at peace.

DGB

you can’t sin by accident, sinning is something that we do because we want to do it.

you dont want to blaspheme, so dont even think of them as temptations, since you are not inclined to do so. if they come to your mind, dont fight them, just ignore them. and they most likely will decrease.

This thread title is an oxymoron I believe.

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