Ache of singlehood

After I have convinced myself to be more firmer in my standards, I decided to sign up in an online dating site for Catholics (Catholic Match). I thought it was going to be easy as my dating pool is going to be narrowed and based on my Catholic faith. I realize now that its not as easy as I thought it was going to be. I am 26 now and still not very experienced in dating so I don’t know the mechanics in communicating with men very well. I would say I fall into the old fashioned category. I like men to initiate and I wouldn’t want a guy to assume that Im desperate of his attention or that Im too easy. Anyway, I am currently talking to someone right now and we’ve been texting a lot. He initiates most of the time but there were a couple of times that I did drop a “Hello” message. We haven’t met yet personally since he lives 2 hrs away from my city and we both are busy with school. He proposed that if things continue to go well, we’d meet in the summer.

Please pray for me :slight_smile:
Sometimes I have no idea what to do and what to think. I realize now that being single at my age feels like being stuck in a stormy sea. I feel very naive and clueless sometimes. But I know God’s plans and ways are bigger than mine and all I have to do is trust Him. There are just times when I wish He’d show me the right direction whenever I feel very confused.

Gracious and merciful Father, please come to her assistance.

Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Glory Be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end.
Amen.

Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

I know how you must feel! I was 31 years old and got so tired of everyone saying to me. “I can’t believe you aren’t married! You are so pretty, you could get any guy you wanted!” I think that peer pressured at my age of 31 drove me to marry a man I had only known 3 months. I deluded myself - we were total opposites and totally not a match! Couldn’t get on the same intellucal level. I even saw a couple of priests about this I was so distraught.

Got married a second time, 10 or so years later. Again, for all the wrong reasons. Security and assistance with raising two very young children. Long story short - divorce - again.

Let the man who God wants to find you - find you! It may take a lot of patience but it can happen. I wanted so badly a Catholic marriage - someone who thought like I did, but I made wrong choices. Don’t you = make a wrong choice out of loneliness, desperation, etc.

Can I just say please do not let the man do all the work. I am male and I found someone on catholic match who I love very much. But the female should not allow the man to do everything. There is nothing wrong with you messaging a hello first or you saying lets go out Saturday or lets go here on Friday there is nothing wrong with that. A man gets frustrated when he feels that he is doing everything and the women not contributing.

Also please do not put him after your friend. If you like him and want a relationship with him he must come before your friends. Also another tip don’t be afraid to communicate with him because he can not know what you are thinking. he is not a mind reader. for example he might want to come see you and he is just waiting for you to say come.

And also don’t forget that he is a man because there are a lot of women out there who expect a man to be just like a women and they are not.

Just a couple of things I have come across being a man in my first realiontiship. You will come to learn about relationships and pick up things of to do and not do.

Praying for your intentions.

Hi Jesus4ever,
Thank you very much for the advise. I have learned this too and Im still adjusting. That men don’t read minds and sometimes I need to loosen up a bit and be more friendly but not to much to the point of being too flirty.

Thank you for your prayers and advises :slight_smile: :slight_smile: :slight_smile:
I appreciate them so much

Well, I am on Catholic Match myself, and I am a guy.

I find that it took me years to become knowledgeable enough to even be confident and funny at the same time. When I was eighteen, I took the dive to learn how to be a successful man, but even then, I only learned the heavy, key concepts this week.

I learned that I needed to stop being a wussbag. I needed to learn how to actually be an interesting man, both personally in my own life, and then in other’s. My life is my message, and I need to be in rapport with myself if I am to get anywhere in life.

My advice is to be choosy. Unfortunately the dating scene is just blossoming, and so there may not be a lot of high quality, total ten men out there that you seem to be portray yourself as being (a total ten woman).

I think you’ll know when you’ve hit the jackpot. Try not to get weird, and know the guy is probably fighting the getting the weird thing too. Getting to know someone off-hand can be a process…

I can’t advise you any further as a woman, as I am just a guy. That’s all.

Praying for you.

Be aware, a total ten can almost read minds. Honestly, the ball is in his court. It’s up to him to make himself into your vibe, your energy. He’s suppose to be the man, and if you feel yourself getting tensed up, its not you, its him.

You’ll know when to be flirty.

I have been studying this for the last 5 years.

Okay, be prepared, I’m going to go into way left-field with what this guy just mentioned, so bear with me:

But the female should not allow the man to do everything.

I suggest that the female actually take this, and tease the male about how he should do everything. As much as females don’t actually like sex without bearing children, she doesn’t like to lead. It’s innate, and if you don’t like this, I am still okay with it.

A man gets frustrated when he feels that he is doing everything and the women not contributing.

Well… A man can get frustrated over everything. This is something I don’t recommend worrying about too much. If he does, there might be reasons like, he had some hiccups with his mother in his childhood. You’ll find this can be common.

If you like him and want a relationship with him he must come before your friends.

I disagree. I vouch that relationships and friendships should mingle. Some friends may even help the man out in understanding who you are. Maybe this goes without saying. I have friends that I lean on for relational support with girls I am interested in. You can even go out with your friends and this guy. It would probably be very fun.

And also don’t forget that he is a man because there are a lot of women out there who expect a man to be just like a women and they are not.

I really think women are saying (and they never say exactly what they mean) is that they want men who are emotionally intuitive, although men will never be masters of the emotions. That is the female realm, and what men and women must accept.

You will come to learn about relationships and pick up things of to do and not do.

I don’t mean to bag on you, but a true total ten man won’t have to even worry about what to do and not do. It will be more about restoring any childhood hurts, holding space with another person to help facilitate their emotions, and ultimately after marriage, physical presence.

[INDENT][INDENT]**Prayer to St. Raphael **

St. Raphael, loving patron of those seeking a marriage partner, help kccs in this supreme decision of her life. Find for her a partner in life the person whose character may reflect some of the traits of Jesus and Mary. May he be upright, loyal, pure, sincere and noble, so that with united efforts and with chaste and unselfish love we both may strive to perfect ourselves in soul and body, as well as the children it may please God to entrust to our care.

St. Raphael, angel of chaste courtship, bless their friendship and love that sin may have no part in it. May their mutual love bind us so closely that their future home may ever be most like the home of the Holy Family of Nazareth. Offer your prayers to God for the both of us and obtain the blessing of God upon our marriage, as you were the herald of blessing for the marriage of Tobiah and Sarah.

St. Raphael, friend of the young, be her friend, for she shall always be yours. I desire ever to invoke you in my needs.

To your special care I entrust the decision I am to make as to my future husband. Direct kccs to the person with whom she can best cooperate in doing God’s Holy Will, with whom I can live in peace, love and harmony in this life, and attain to eternal joy in the next. Amen.

:signofcross:

[/INDENT][/INDENT]

You might need some work on the area of emotions. You see, many people do this, and this isn’t a bad thing.

Let’s just say you see a guy you want to date, and suddenly you see he’s being followed by a girl, you feel jealousy. But then on second thought, you get mad at yourself for feeling jealousy, because “Hey, there are many men in the world,” but later on, you become sad about being angry at yourself over your jealousy.

It becomes like this nest of emotions, one on top of another. These can be worked out with time. You may even find a guy who is right for you, and when it comes time for personal questions, this might come up, and you might even work with him to open up and detach these hard-wired emotions nested within yourself.

If this isn’t relevant, you may find that someday you’re dating someone who has this specific area of contention. Then you can help him out.

Over all, cheers and good hunting!

Don’t wait for men to initiate, they have as much fear of rejection as women do. If you see a nice profile, reach out and make some comment on whatever caught your eye. The mechanics of speaking with men is about the same as with women, and more conversation with increase your speaking skills.

26 is young, you have nothing to worry about.

Praying for your intentions

Hail Mary, full of grace. The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

You are still young. How about your family, do you have brothers and sisters, parents, uncles and aunts who can feel the companionship void? You have to be selective, just be patient. If God wants it to happen, it will. And by the way four of my best friends are spinsters over 60 ( one over eighty ) and they are perfectly happy and wouldn’t have it any other way. All are very faithful Catholics.

Linus2nd

:gopray:

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.

Glory Be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning is now ever shall be world without end
Amen.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy, hear and answer me. Amen

:signofcross:

Hugs and blessings to you!

I have been there - same boat as you - and I was single until 36! I know how hard it can be - and I know how stressed you can feel thinking that you’re getting too old or you’ll never meet the right one.

You are young - do not stress. Try to love your life now. The right man will come along, and your life will unfold as it should.

And to share just a bit of my story - I tried the big, popular online dating services, and didn’t have too much luck - so I tried the catholic ones. Turns out, the guys I met on the catholic ones were a bit odd (now that was several years ago…could be different now) - and I went back to the secular sites. I met my husband through match. We had a seriously rocky start, but things are pretty good now and I think everything will work out. I held out for a guy who was catholic and who would go to church with me, and it means so much to me that he does this.

May God bless you!

Prayers for you, and the singles here (including myself).

Just on the topic of letting the guy make the moves.

A man needs some cues from the woman that she is interested, and also some emotional openness from her.

I was on CatholicMatch for some time and met a woman I became very keen on. She was very elusive and kept saying “friends only” but I kept writing to her, somewhat romantically. This was a Long Distance Relationship at first. In the end, we fell in love, but she fell much more than I did, and I was slightly disappointed with the person who had been the object of so much heartache and effort. We also had trouble getting beyond the romantic stuff, to a real relationship. I broke it off, hurting her.

In another thread someone proposed the rule that the pursuing should not be too imbalanced. Not, say, more than 60/40. I heartily agree.

passed since that time, and once again it is 20 years of singlehood, and not a day goes
by, I do not think of her other than the solace of having someone at my side 24 years of my life. For twenty years I mourned her loss, fell away from the Church, blamed God for using her as a toy, giving and taking her away from me.

On the last Saturday of Advent last year, I entered the confessional box for the first time in years. I told the priest, I had a truckload of sins, even sins not as yet invented. It has not been easy trying to get back in God’s graces, not only for my own soul, but perhaps I have
a selfish reason as well. Where else can my wife but be except in heave. It is there, when my final times comes, I will feel His embrace with my wife looking on, for eternity.

Eternity is a long time, isn’t it?

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