In light of the fact that I have been sexual impure in my past, I’ve gone to extremes to keep pure. Its not easy. I’ve had some wins. No porn or masturbation in 9 months, vow to be chaste until marriage, and trying to watch what the images that are around me. And I’m looking for a copy of Theology of the Body. Until I find it, the cliff notes version I found will have to do.
The trouble is, I’m having trouble with a few things. The first is, I’m having trouble looking at women. I’m almost 24 years old and trying, admittedly not hard right now, to find a woman to marry. I find it almost impossible to admire a woman’s physical beauty out of fear of lust. When I’ve seen a beautiful woman I’ve sometimes had an erection, but I do my best to fight off any sinful thoughts. I don’t want to commit sins of the flesh, but I don’t believe choosing to admire the materials in the floor, sidewalk, walls, and other things are doing much good. So how do I go about admiring a woman without sinning? God made women very beautiful. How do I admire His creation without offending Him?
Secondly, and somewhat related, how does a single guy like myself view and handle the idea of sex with my future wife? In my case this is both a spiritual issue and a physical one. Spiritual in the sense that sex seems so important to Gods plan(Genesis, Song of Songs) and to marriage. Physical in the sense that since having sex before coming back to God, I’ve discovered I have high blood pressure and am at high risk for heart problems. So, in what way is it acceptable to think of sex? Is it morally wrong to look forward to enjoying it with a woman in marriage?
Making all these mistakes years ago really make things seem confusing and difficult now.