Adopting after death of child


#1

Hello all,

I am writing for some advice and for some prayers. My wife and I lost our little 1 and a half year old boy in March to an unknown cause and have been dealing with the grief that comes along with it.

Yesterday, on our son’s “would be” 2nd birthday, we received a call from our local Fost-Adopt agency about a sibling group, girl 4 and boy 3, in need of a home. We felt this was a gift from God and our little Justin in heaven. We brought them home today and have been trying to get adjusted to them. They are really cute and in such need of a loving family.

I have been experiencing a range of emotions from the sadness of our son’s death to the joy of these two little ones in our family.

Has anyone experienced anything like this or if not would anyone be able to give us some loving advice as we move forward? I know this is God’s plan for us but sometimes some words of wisdom from my CAF family are comforting.

God Bless You.


#2

Welcome and God bless you!

My deepest sympathy for your loss. I would like to recommend an amazing book written by a wonderful Catholic man who lost his young son tragically and suddenly. I have recommended this book to others who have sadly found themselves facing this loss and they have found it extraordinarily helpful and hopeful.
amazon.com/Grief-Unveiled-Fathers-Journey-Through/dp/1557252157/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/103-7097656-1600603?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1183786603&sr=8-1

Regarding the adoption, two very dear friends of mine adopted a family of 7 siblings 17 years ago. They ranged in age from 4 to 16 and had come from a terribly tragic family situation where their mother had been murdered by their father. My friends are devout Catholics who also worked as teachers. Their entire lives have been devoted to raising these kids and restoring them to emotional and spiritual health. I know that they were chosen by God for this daunting task.

It sounds like your little saint in heaven whispered in God’s ear that you would be the perfect parents for these lovely children. Enjoy your new vocation!


#3

I am so sorry for your loss. March is still very recent, and I know the grief is probably still very intense and raw. And in the middle of this to have 2 children added to your family literally overnight…I can imagine you must be on a roller coaster ride emotionally. Even if you had gotten pregnant this quickly, you would have had 9 months to get used to the idea of another child after Justin.

Isn’t God awesome. He spared you the anquish of decision making. Should we? Maybe we shouldn’t. Is it right? Maybe its too soon.

In a lot of ways, you are probably experiencing all the “regular” feelings associated with having a subsequent child. Except that your subsequent children are older than your first son. For me, coming to terms with having a subsequent child meant understanding that wanting another child did not mean that I would forget my son Anthony, or that I was replacing him in my heart. That will never happen.

I don’t have much advice, only prayers. I will say that it’s ok to continue to grief for Justin even though you have 2 new children. As the adoption progresses and you become their forever parents, let them know they have a brother in Heaven.

Sadness and joy can and do live side by side, you don’t have to set aside your sadness of Justin to experience the joy of your new son and daughter, and experiencing the joy of being parents again does not betray Jusin. Obviously, he wants you to have children to parent, or he wouldn’t have intervened to bring them to you! :angel1:


#4

I am so happy that these children have found such a nice home. DH and I were foster parents before moving, and we are hoping to adopt a foster child or children once we move again. We also lost a child through miscarriage prior to fostering, and from my perspective, there were a whole range of emotions at the time of foster baby’s placement.

I wish I had advice for you. Do your best to relax and enjoy the gift that God and little Justin have sent your way. The grief must be overwhelming and so new, but then too the joy and promise of two little lost souls has also joined your household. I hope that the children’s laughter fills the holes that Justin’s passing has left. If nothing else, you and your wife will be busy and will have less time to be sorrowful. I will keep you in my prayers.


#5

There are two Reader’s digest articles in which parents adopted after their children died

One was about Alex Deford “Life of a Child” December 1984 from the book “Alex: Life of a Child” by Frank Deford. And about a boy named Matthew called “Almost a Miracle” October 1993 based on the book “Lionheart: Matthew’s Story” by Katie Ekroth. Both are about critically ill children who die but then their parents feel called to adopt. They are some of my ultimate FAVOURITE stories in the Reader’s digests ever, and I inherited a collection with over 40 years of stories.

My prayers are with you, it seems as if God and your son are calling you to this. I am SO sorry for your loss, but just by your words I can truly see you have an AWESOME angel in heaven.


#6

I am so sorry for your loss. Nothing will ever replace your son. You will always love Justin, and he will always love you from heaven. Nothing will change that. But you also can’t feel guilty about going on with your life. It sounds like those kids need you, and you need them. As an adoptive mom myself, I would like to invite you to open your hearts and home to these kids. They will bring you an enormous amount of joy, and I guarantee they were sent from God. I know my adopted daughter was! You don’t have to deny your sadness and grief about losing your son, but don’t let it keep you from loving these kids. You are not taking away from your love of your son, you are only honoring his memory by continuing to love. May God bless you all!


#7

Prayers to you. Also, rent or buy Penny Serenade amazon.com/Penny-Serenade-Grant-Beulah-Buchanan/dp/B000KJTC96/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2/103-7132844-8844651?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1183825785&sr=1-2 which isn’t exactly your story but is very similar (first baby miscarried, second baby was adopted but died, then they adopted another child).


#8

I am their adoptive child, and I can’t express enough how i believe i am the luckiest child on the planet. :thumbsup: :cool: !!!


#9

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