Adoption question.


#1

Well,

After a test it appears I have azoospermia, and after looking at the information on the web, it doesn’t appear that there is much that they can do about it. I am awaiting further tests, but I don’t know. I am pretty low about it.

My question is this, My wife and I would love to have children, but as it may not be possible to have our own, that leaves adoption. We are both very open to it, but frankly, I am a bit frightened by the idea.

It seems that we have heard all the stories about those who have tried to adopt foreign children, and have had to go through extensive time, expense, and sometimes risk. The idea of adopting a child in the US seems also to be very expensive, and then it seems the courts are more and more allowing birth parents to take children back.

I guess what I am looking for is a decent source as to where to start. I have always imagined I would have a family. I can’t imagine not, but neither do we have all the money in the world.

Help!

Thanks,

Jim


#2

Hi Jim –

I’m sorry for your hurt over the news that biological children might not be a possibility for you and your wife. I also had many infertility problems and my husband and I have two adopted children, both received as babies, who are now 10 & 14.

The idea of adoption and all the unknowns can be scary. Yet, none of us have any guarantees that our children will be perfectly healthy or that they won’t be in some type of accident later in life.

It all comes down to trust in Our Lord. Trust that he has a child in mind for you if you are meant to be parents. Trust that whatever challenges might come your way in the adoption process and during parenthood that He will be with you every step of the way.

I would suggest you check into your closest Catholic Charities as most of them help with adoptions, and/or check with your archdiocese regarding adoption options in your area. There are also some great adoption agencies, and also the private option. In any case, you’ll have to have a home study completed by a social worker. Many adoption agencies have information classes that help assist you in making decisions regarding adoption and they will often have adoptive parents come in to share their stories; also sometimes have birthmoms share as well. I would strongly recommend these type of classes.

Many of the horror stories you hear are really quite few and far between. Make sure you are going with a legitimate agency and that you have birthparent signatures prior to receiving the child. The laws vary from state to state so find out about your state’s adoption laws and when the adoption becomes final.

Many agencies have sliding scale fees; some have payment options. If you’re open to a special needs child sometimes the fees are less. But please don’t let money get in the way of becoming a parent. God will help you with the finances if it’s meant to be.

Also, as you are probably already doing, pray that God’s will for your lives will be accomplished and pray for guidance and wisdom. My sister-in-law also has two adopted sons. While they were waiting to adopt, she had a sign in her office that said “Wait! It will be better than all your planning!”

You’re in my prayers!


#3

I’m sorry that you’re facing the loss of one dream, but I do want to encourage you on adopting children.

I just went through one of the difficult adoptions, two years to get our son from El Salvador. Do I wish it hadn’t been so hard, yep, but he is awesome and has enriched our family so much already.

I would suggest just doing tons of research to start. There are a lot of adoption websites and many agencies have detailed info on their programs. True, the horror stories are actually very rare, but that doesn’t stop it from being very scary when you start to undertake this.

One big warning, pick an agency based on the facts and recommendations you get. Do not find a photolisting and then feel like you have to go with that agency. If you hear negative things about an agency, please do pay attention, even if they seem nice on the phone.

Good luck!
Nicole


#4

We adopted two girls from China. The wait, right now, is not too long, under a year I think. You do have to travel over there but we found it a wonderful experience, more like a vacation. We used Holt International, they are by far one of the most organized international adoption agencies we found. They adopt children out of many other countries as well as providing care for children that won’t be adopted. The total cost of our adoptions came in under 17,000.00 each (don’t forget there is a 10,000.00 tax credit the year your adoption is complete, usually the same day you take custody of your child).

We have friends who are still waiting for a domestic adoption. They have been waiting over two years now :(. You will have a longer wait and more expense if you adopt domestically. You will also need to decide if you want the birthmother and or birthfather to be part of your life. My friends are open to that and still they wait.

Check out the Holt website and please feel free to PM me if you want more details. Good Luck & God Bless!

www.holtintl.org


#5

We have adopted twice locally – both took less than two years and cost less than $5K.-- although we have been more than accepting of “special needs” children – it isn’t a huge difference with the average babies - a little more expensive, but you don’t have to go international unless you feel called to it.

Contact several agencies and an attorney. Check your options and see what your town has. We adopted through Jewish Family services the first two times. Catholic social services has sent us away three times, but were finally interested in us when I called this last time.
We are now working with the county – it is slow and we are accepting a 4.5 year old – no you don’t have to do that – lots of people foster to adopt infants. Less expensive, but a bit more risky.

Adoption gets so much bad press and no one wants to show the many wonderful adoptions that happen every day. I call the bias “adoptism” like racism.


#6

I don’t know if other parents who’ve adopted can tell you more about this or not, but I work in the mental health field with quite a few adopted children. The adoption agency may or may not educate you on issues your child may be dealing with when he or she comes to live with you. At the very least, you may want to do some research on your own on attachment and reactive attachment disorder. radzebra.org is a good site. There are many families I work with who were completely unprepared for the issues they would be dealing with when they adopted, so the more prepated you could be the better. I don’t say this to discourage you at all. Adoption is wonderful and a great blessing. Many parents I work with were caught off guard in what to expect with their adopted kids and the problems that might occurr. They would make the same choice to adopt all over again; it just would have been easier had they been more prepared for some of the struggles they have faced. God bless you in your desire to adopt a child. You and your spouse are truly lving the works of mercy. :slight_smile:


#7

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