Hi Jim –
I’m sorry for your hurt over the news that biological children might not be a possibility for you and your wife. I also had many infertility problems and my husband and I have two adopted children, both received as babies, who are now 10 & 14.
The idea of adoption and all the unknowns can be scary. Yet, none of us have any guarantees that our children will be perfectly healthy or that they won’t be in some type of accident later in life.
It all comes down to trust in Our Lord. Trust that he has a child in mind for you if you are meant to be parents. Trust that whatever challenges might come your way in the adoption process and during parenthood that He will be with you every step of the way.
I would suggest you check into your closest Catholic Charities as most of them help with adoptions, and/or check with your archdiocese regarding adoption options in your area. There are also some great adoption agencies, and also the private option. In any case, you’ll have to have a home study completed by a social worker. Many adoption agencies have information classes that help assist you in making decisions regarding adoption and they will often have adoptive parents come in to share their stories; also sometimes have birthmoms share as well. I would strongly recommend these type of classes.
Many of the horror stories you hear are really quite few and far between. Make sure you are going with a legitimate agency and that you have birthparent signatures prior to receiving the child. The laws vary from state to state so find out about your state’s adoption laws and when the adoption becomes final.
Many agencies have sliding scale fees; some have payment options. If you’re open to a special needs child sometimes the fees are less. But please don’t let money get in the way of becoming a parent. God will help you with the finances if it’s meant to be.
Also, as you are probably already doing, pray that God’s will for your lives will be accomplished and pray for guidance and wisdom. My sister-in-law also has two adopted sons. While they were waiting to adopt, she had a sign in her office that said “Wait! It will be better than all your planning!”
You’re in my prayers!