When I was in the process of converting, I wondered if Jesus might actually be present in the Eucharist. I had an intellectual understanding that this “might be real, and if it is I need to know for certain” kind of thing.
I did what you’re doing. I went to adoration, but didn’t have a clue what I was supposed to do. I ended up sitting in a pew and praying a mental prayer, “If you’re here, please cause me to believe it.” I knew the arguments. I knew the history. I “knew” to a degree in my mind, but it is also a matter of the heart. Often, I wouldn’t say or do anything at all. I would just “be there” with Him.
Ultimately, it is God who draws you to Himself. Just keep going to adoration while being as respectful and reverant as you possibly can. Merely being lovingly in His substantial presence will change you.
Don’t be afraid of the Holy Water. It is set apart for your use. Basically, when you dip your fingers in this sacramental and sign yourself with the sign of the cross you are, in a manner of speaking, reconfirming or restating your Baptismal vows. Holy Water can be viewed as a present sign of the waters at the creation of the world: the Holy Spirit hovered over the waters. This is the sign of the waters of the New Creation. It is a sign of the waters of Baptism…indeed, historically, it is the same water used for Baptism. Where you place the Holy Water, the prayer used to bless the water is also placed. Yeah, don’t be afrad of using the Holy Water.
A couple of quotes from the Catholic Encyclopedia for you to consider:
The use of holy water in the earliest days of the Christian Era is attested by documents of only comparatively late date. The “Apostolic Constitutions”, the redaction of which goes back to about the year 400, attribute to the Apostle St. Matthew the precept of using holy water. The letter written under the name of Pope Alexander I, who lived in the second century, is apocryphal and of more recent times; hence the first historical testimony does not go back beyond the fifth century. However, it is permissible to suppose for the sake of argument that, in the earliest Christian times, water was used for expiatory and purificatory purposes, to a way analogous to its employment under the Jewish Law.
In some places it was carefully preserved throughout the year and, by reason of its having been used in baptism, was considered free from all corruption. This belief spread from East to West; and scarcely had baptism been administered, when the people would crown around with all sorts of vessels and take away the water, some keeping it carefully in their homes whilst others watered their fields, vineyards, and gardens with it (“Ordo rom. I”, 42, in “Mus. ital.”, II, 26).
However, baptismal water was not the only holy water. Some was permanently retained at the entrance to Christian churches where a clerk sprinkled the faithful as they came in and, for this reason, was called hydrokometes or “introducer by water”, an appellation that appears in the superscription of a letter of Synesius in which allusion is made to “lustral water placed in the vestibule of the temple”. This water was perhaps blessed in proportion as it was needed, and the custom of the Church may have varied on this point.
Hincmar of Reims gave directions as follows: “Every Sunday, before the celebration of Mass, the priest shall bless water in his church, and, for this holy purpose, he shall use a clean and suitable vessel. The people, when entering the church, are to be sprinkled with this water, and those who so desire may carry some away in clean vessels so as to sprinkle their houses, fields, vineyards, and cattle, and the provender with which these last are fed, as also to throw over their own food” (“Capitula synodalia”, cap. v, in P.L., CXXV, col, 774).
I don’t mean to digress to a topic mentioned by you only in passing, but Holy Water is beneficial.
As far as Adoration is concerned for a non-Catholic, I don’t think that you can go wrong by showing up for Adoration with a humble and prayerful spirit.