People. I have committed adultery for over a year and a half now. I have repented so many times. Visited confession in all probability approx 50 times.
I told my wife about it after approx 3 months. We are still together. She thinks i dont see this lady anymore but i do!
We have been married approx 22 years now and have a 10yr old.
Our marriage has been on a very slippery slope for about 11yrs or more. The wife has always been cold to me and i am not on about just sex! No. I am on about a loving relationship. I have tried over the years but nothing. No love or feelings there.
We both decided that divorce was going to happen and unfortunately i had an affair!
The wife and i have said many many times that we are only together because of our kid. No other reason. Seems like nothing can change her mind.
So, why am i telling you all this?
Well, i have carried on the affair…sought confession…affair…confession…with the same lady from the start. I go a month or 2 and then we get together again and sex!
I always hate myself afterwards, and even before as i know what i am doing!
I am at my wits end people. I am a big sinner. I have betrayed my wife, kid and God! I try to stay away from this other lady but i get tempted back, again and again because of my lustful thoughts.
My priest has told me to not contact the lady but it is so hard as (a) she loves me massively (b) I am living in a dead end marriage.
I have talked to my wife many times seeing if we could start again but its always no! Never. What do i do?
I have prayed and prayed but i still sin.
The lust eats me up inside as i really want to sleep with this other woman on occasions and i know it is wrong!!!
I pray to God asking for help every day. I do attend mass as much as possible. I only take communion when i have been absolved.
As i said, i am not having sex with this woman every week! Its once a month or even 2! Even once is once too much i know! I get a strong urge to be with her. Yes, she gives me what my wife has said she could never do. My wife hates me but she has been ‘out of love’ of me for years! She has admitted she will never get it back, ever!
How do i stop?
How do i stop the urges, the filth, the adultery?
People, i know i am evil and in the wrong. I know. I want to be pure. Sin free. The devil is winning over me and i dont know where to turn!!!