The practical problem underlying telling the wife or telling the hubby is this…
Some people are really, really good liars. Did you ever watch the paternity test shows on Maury Povitch? I’m a guy. To me, the guys on those shows are all transparent, and it is very easy to sniff-out “truth-teller,” “liar,” and “stupid man.”
The girls are another story: I just can’t penetrate the facades of the girls who say that so-and-so absolutely is the father, and the only one they had sex with for years is that one guy. The really pretty ones are the best liars. If you see them finger a particular male as the daddy, you think, “Ah, man, that gentle, beautiful, wonderful soul would NEVER fool around! She HAS TO BE telling the truth!” And then, the results come in, and about one-third of the time the girl turns out to be lying! To me, the girls are impenetrable.
Now, balanced against the near-perfect lying of many of the adulterers and blindness of many of the spouses, there is the spouse’s reaction.
He or she THINKS they can handle it, but it turns out that they can’t, and the revelation leads to a dynamic of distrust, snapping, arguments, fighting, calls to police, hitting, restraining orders, and so on.
That leads to separation, failure to pay support, financial collapse, divorce, years of litigation and preoccupation with hate.
Almost invariably, the innocent spouse ends up wishing that they have never known.
In the real world, it is sometimes better to hide the sin.