Adultery & Pregnant


#1

I have committed an unforgiveable sin - adultery!

I was divorced few years ago and have been living with my son since then. About eight mths ago, I met my first boyfriend.
He is a married man. By then he was telling me that he wanted to divorce his wife and leave his family.
I knew it was very wrong of me to start a relationship with him. His mom and sis has been calling me told me that never to leave him in a lurch (I was determined to leave him then) and etc…
Anyway, I’m now in my 17 weeks of pregnancy. Weeks go we had a talk and I told him that the child is innocent, he has to be responsible towards the child. He agreed that he will be responsible and will help to raise the child. A week later, he just disappeared. Although he can be contactable via mobile but he simply refused to ans my call and nothing from him since then.
Both of us are from the same parish (so is his family and relatives). I lost my faith since then. Yes, indeed I committed an unforgiveable sin but I do not want to run away from it to terminate the pregnancy as the child is innocent and it’s time that I have to answer for my mistake. I felt so helpless as I have lost my job at the same time and have no one to turn to. I have stop going to the parish for masses since then but I really wanted to go back to church again but can I? Can god and the church accepted me for what I have done? I do not know how to face the consequences if we were to run into each other in the church. Can someone please help and adv what shall I do? Shall I go to another parish instead but I really do not want to be a coward and run away from it for the rest of my life.


#2

You did not commit an “unforgiveable” sin. Yes, you commited a sin, but NO sin is unforgiveable. God loves you and he will forgive you.

The “father” and I use that term loosely, has an obligation to this child. You may need to take legal action there. Don’t let him shirk that duty. He owes his child. Period!

Church is a sticky matter. You don’t want to hurt the family he already has, but you have a right to worship and recieve God’s grace too. It might be wise to either switch the church you go to, or make sure you don’t attend the same Mass his family does.

I’m not saying that you should be ashamed, but it’s not fair to the wife to rub this affair in her face. YKWIM? As a wife, I would have a very difficult time looking at my husband’s pregnant fling. Wether I choose to forgive my husband or not, I don’t think I could be graceful in that circumstance. And, let’s face it, no matter what a dog the husband is, the “other woman” tends to get more flak than cheater-man does.

Good luck to you.

Kim


#3

We are ALL sinners tsol…ALL of us.

God not only can forgive you but is waiting for you to come to Him.

One of my personal favorite passages of the New Testament is Luke 15 and if you will take a few minutes to read it I think you will discover why.

Right now, you need to hold on to the faith that you have. Personally I think that if you had no faith that you would not have posted here for us to try to counsel and help.

You are loved. God loves you so much that He sent His only Son to die on the cross for you and would have even had you been the only living soul in all the world. (Look up John 3:16)

Because of His love I can also love you and will be praying for you every day from now on. I can appreciate your situation because I know what a sinner that I have been and yet…Luke 15 applies to me as well dear friend.

We ALL make mistakes…none of us are righteous, and all of us fall short of God’s glory. Some people have the courage like you to face their sins and confess them and begin to deal with life abundantly as God gives it to us. That doesn’t mean it’s not difficult, but He gives us greater strength. I know.

If you need to talk privately just PM or e-mail me through this site and I’ll talk to you. I know you are hurting and it’s not fair, but things will work out and you will find the Lord ready to throw that party in your honor.

If you need help and counsel. I suggest that you call your parish priest and set up an appointment for confession. You’ll not be the first to confess such things, and his confidence is assured. He can help you make connections with people who will also help you.

God bless you. I’m praying for you.
Michael


#4

[quote=tsol]I have committed an unforgiveable sin - adultery!
[/quote]

The only unforgivable sin is final despair.

I was divorced few years ago and have been living with my son since then. About eight mths ago, I met my first boyfriend.
He is a married man. By then he was telling me that he wanted to divorce his wife and leave his family.
I knew it was very wrong of me to start a relationship with him. !

No disagreement here, you were tempted and you fell, there but for the grace of God go I

His mom and sis has been calling me told me that never to leave him in a lurch (I was determined to leave him then) and etc…

They put pressure on you to continue in sin and will have to answer for that, BUT you were weak and listened to them. That’s your share

Anyway, I’m now in my 17 weeks of pregnancy. Weeks go we had a talk and I told him that the child is innocent, he has to be responsible towards the child. He agreed that he will be responsible and will help to raise the child. A week later, he just disappeared. Although he can be contactable via mobile but he simply refused to ans my call and nothing from him since then.
Both of us are from the same parish (so is his family and relatives).

He will be answerable to God for the life of his child. What he has done has compounded his culpability.

I lost my faith since then. Yes, indeed I committed an unforgiveable sin but I do not want to run away from it to terminate the pregnancy as the child is innocent and it’s time that I have to answer for my mistake.

My nephew went out in the bush after his marriage broke up and through a rope over a branch. Before he could put the noose around his neck, as two of his cousins have done recently, he said to himself…“No, I am stronger than that.”

YOU are stronger than that. You have made a mistake, but so have countless others before you. It is not how many times we fall that count in the final tally, it is how many times we get up, pick up our Cross and go on.

I felt so helpless as I have lost my job at the same time and have no one to turn to.

Never underestimate the sheer nastiness of Satan who hungers for your immortal soul

I have stop going to the parish for masses since then but I really wanted to go back to church again but can I?

You are so not going to let him win, are you?

Can god and the church accepted me for what I have done?

Jesus could have forgiven Judas if he had repented and asked for forgiveness. Is what you have done worse than betraying God made Man to the executioners? NO!!!

I do not know how to face the consequences if we were to run into each other in the church. Can someone please help and adv what shall I do? Shall I go to another parish instead but I really do not want to be a coward and run away from it for the rest of my life.

My heart goes out to you.

Turn to St Joseph and ask for his assistance. He thought Mary was guilty of adultery but didn’t want to cause her public humiliation, scorn and stoning. He was the perfect human father, which you will need for both your children.

Go to Confession. Seek counsel from your priest as to how to face up to this. Yes, some people will judge you harshly, those who are lacking in charity. They are the modern-day equivalents of the Pharisees Jesus had to deal with. When you do meet them, please pray for their conversion and salvation, reflecting on God’s Divine Mercy which He will extend to you.

All of us will have to face His Justice if we don’t throw ourselves on His Mercy.

I am a crisis pregnancy and a post-abortion counsellorf you want to talk further, please send me a PM

:hug3:


#5

You need to think what arrangements you will make for bringing up this child. It may be that you have enough resources of your own, and if the father wishes for no involvement, you can raise the baby without anyone knowing who the father is, if that’s what you think is the easiest thing to do.

Most likely however money will be a problem, in which case you should exercise your legal right to seek reasonable support. You don’t have a right to any form of non-financial support, and the wife may be very reluctant to agree to any further contact on his part. There aren’t any ideal answers, but there are several options.


#6

tsol, have you considered adoption?

Three are many Catholic couples, I’ve heard, just waiting for the call that there is a baby they can adopt.


#7

I would seek the priest’s council as soon as possible. I’d make it known to him the situation with the father and, since he is a parishioner, who the father is. The priest is under the Seal of Confession so he’s not going to spout it out. But knowing as much of the circumstances as possible can help him give you the best advice as to how to approach the child’s father. It takes two to tango-you didn’t immaculately conceive. The father needs to own up to some responsibility, even if it is just behind the scenes monetary support.


#8

Dear Tsol
This is not a big mess. God has already forgiven you. And congratulations on your new child. With the others on the forum I would advise you to go back to Church, go to confession. It is difficult to confess such sins, believe me, I know. But you will be restored afterwards. Unlike the other advisor I dont think you should find yourself a different parish. I think the father of your child will not be helped by being easily let of the hook. He does not seem very sympathetic to me. I think it would do him good to financially support his own ofspring, and also to face up to it. Dont run away from the pariah, as if it didnt take two to tango. Also if his wife doesnt know, maybe someone should let her know. Wouldnt any woman wanna know if something like that had gone on behind her back. It is also to respect her, to let her know.
God bless Your sister in Christ
Anni


#9

go to confession and return to the sacraments, you need all the grace of Christ through these gifts of his to meet this challenge.
get a good lawyer and chase this guy down now and nail his legal responsibility. In most states you will be required to do so in any case.
get counselling and help in self-knowledge and understanding of the factors that led you into such a damaging relationship in the first place against your better judgement.
yes, you parish can help you, with direct aid for bills, food, medical etc. short term through St. Vincent, for longer term aid with referrals to Catholic Charities and other venues.

Courage! your pro-life witness will not go unnoticed and unappreciated, and you will never know how many other innocent lives you have saved in this way. Don’t forget, adoption is always an option as well if you feel that in the long run you are unable to raise this child. Catholic Charities can assist with that decision as well.


#10

Yes, some people will judge you harshly, those who are lacking in charity. They are the modern-day equivalents of the Pharisees Jesus had to deal with. When you do meet them, please pray for their conversion and salvation, reflecting on God’s Divine Mercy which He will extend to you.

I think that statement is a little unfair. This is a harsh situation, and for people to see it for what it is and call it that does not mean they are lacking charity. I judge it harshly. That doesn’t make me a Pharisee. I don’t need prayers for my conversion or salvation. Let me explain: There is too much of this garbage going on. People see someone is married and they proceed right ahead as if the injured spouse had no rights. They steal someone else’s spouse knowing it’s wrong. If you’ve ever been injured in this way, you would resent someone saying you are a Pharisee to judge the people involved harshly. There are about 150 million men in this country. Why do women go after the married ones? There are 150 million women in this country. Why do men chase the ones who are married to other men?

Recognizing something is very wrong is an act of charity. Patting people on the head and saying it’s “no biggie” is not charitable.

Having said that, I applaud the original poster for recognizing what she did, seeking not to make things worse for the injured wife, and keeping the child alive, because she is absolutely correct… it is innocent.

This is a bad situation. And I agree with the poster who suggested adoption. That would be a way to bring great blessings out of evil. God can do that. The father is not interested. The OP has found that when you run around with the kind of man who breaks his wedding vows, you have not won much. And if he’ll run off from one woman, he’ll run off from you.

I worry for her son witnessing all this and wonder how she is handling that. She needs to be careful that her ex husband won’t use her behavior against her to take away her son. He needs her undivided attention. He has already lost so much. Having his mother busy making new relationships is taking attention away from his needs right now.

Keep going to church, dear. Go to confession. The priests have heard it ALL. Go to a different parish if you feel better about it. And pray deeply about giving a childless couple the gift of a lifetime. The baby deserves a family where both people want it, not a lifetime of feeling rejected knowing that when its father found out about it, he ran off and wanted no contact.

Good luck. And please stay away from married men. The men who stray… their wives have enough problems without other women coming in and taking advantage of the situation.


#11

What puzzleannie and Kim said. You and yours are in my prayers.

And a thought- Not that your paramour seems to want to go that way, BUT should he ever say that he’s left his wife and chosen you, remember- he cheated on his wife.


#12

whoa, I wonder why people are so quick to advise an adoption. Why not 100% support that a child stays with its natural mother and a mother stays with her natural child. I think many are just a bit too eager to create the perfect world!


#13

um… maybe because some of us have adopted children who were born under similar circumstances and have seen that it was, indeed, the best thing that could have happened for the child, the birth mother, and the adoptive parents?

And who says we’re trying to create a perfect world? That’s not our job. We’re just letting the OP know that adoption IS an option and not that it is an “easy way” out of a difficult situation.


#14

This woman seems emotionally and financially stretched. She already has a child who needs her attention. She is obviously in a social setting where it will be awkward around town. The father has no interest in the child.

That child deserves better than to have labels put on it all its life and to grow up with people whispering about its real father and the circumstances of its birth.

And an adoptive couple would receive it with joy and preparation.

Lots of reasons. None of them have to do with a perfect world.


#15

Amen :thumbsup:


#16

This is a bit confusing. Could you clarify for your benefit as you try to on track. It might help.

You are a divorced Catholic and attending Mass at a Catholic parish. You engaged in an adulterous affair with a married man who attends the same parish with his family. While this affair was taking place were you participating in the sacramental life of the Church?


#17

Dear all,

Thank you very much for the advice. And I’m expecting worse.
I only came to know that we have been attending masses at the same parish after we were together. We attended different session.

The affair did not take place in church and I will never ever do such a thing in church. He was my first boyfriend and we have known each other for 18 yrs. Past few yrs he managed to get my no thru an ex-classmate and since then he has been sending me msg time to time. I replied once a while formerly without agreeing to meet him. Until recently, we met in the bank and he told me that he would like to have farewell dinner before he left for an assignment in dubai. Finally we met for dinner. That was the first time after 15 yrs that we really meet.

According to him (eight mths ago when he first left his family), his wife and her family treated him and his parents badly. And he had enought for ten over years. She is from a very rich family and he is working in their family biz for the past ten over years.

Anyway, he told his wife all about me when he first told her about the affair. That was the time he wanted to leave the family.

She sent abusive messages to me recently. Calling us adulterous pair, that I’m a shameless divorcee, stuffs like who is the fiddle and diddle etc etc. I deserved it cos I “steal” her husband. And I knew that I was wrong and VERY WRONG.

My son doesn’t know what is happening. He did not witness it. My priority is always my son. My attention on him is never less even till now. He is able to sense that he will be having a sibling. Even though I have not told him about the pregnancy. Since a yr ago he has been telling me that he wanted to have a baby sis or bro and I always laughed over it. I ever discussed with my mom about the idea of adopting a child.

Yes, I have lost my job but financially I’m still able to tide through till the child is born. I tried very hard to look for a job but in vain. My counsellor told me that she will try to ask the pregnancy crisis centre about the job matter.

I will not put the baby for adoption. The father is not interested but I’m. I’m the mother of the child and I will do my duty since the day I have decided to keep the child. When the child is old enough to understand, I will tell the child everything. On how his/her mommy has done wrong and admit her mistake by not taking the easiest way by giving his/her life. Mommy wants to be responsible for what she has done. I’m ready to face all consequences. That is why I’m here.

I wanted and will go for confession. But frankly, I don’t know when will it be. Once I’m ready? Then I know I will never be ready. I know very well that I can’t run away from it, I have to face it… Be it confession or attending the same church or not. Yes, I can go to another church but is this the best way for me? I really don’t know…


#18

I believe the husband is responsible for “hurting his family” And the OP has the right to attend the church of her choice.
You are right,however, the “other woman” always gets the most flak.
Kathy


#19

you are ready now because you need it now. your confession is private and the priest keeps it entirely confidential, and will not even allude to it outside the confessional. so doing it in your church is not an issue. Go now, there or at any church, you will be unable to avail yourself of the grace of the sacraments to help you at this time until you do this, and it is madness to try to go it alone without the grace of Christ and His Church.


#20

:thumbsup:


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