i am not catholic. i left my wife for a married Catholic woman. We have been together 1 year. After going to Church regularly, I could not reconcile what i did and stay in adulterous relationship. My Catholic partner says God has forgiven us and is good with this.

I decided to end it and work on healing my marriage.

Now, I am doubting my actions, given how dependent my partner has become on me, and she is the one who brought me to Christ.

I want to keep my faith up and i am just so saddened by all this…

Have I done the right thing to end this?

I think you already know the answer. This just shows how God can use anything to bring us back to Him.

Will pray for the healing of your marriage. And hers.

Don’t doubt your actions.

You need to get out of this relationship ASAP if you haven’t already, it’s mortally sinful. Adultery does not bring you closer to God. God just happened to use the fact that she still goes to Church even when in adultery to bring you closer to God. You need to cut off all contact with this woman.

I’d recommend the movie “Fireproof” in repairing your own marriage;

Also, consult a priest as to get some guidance how you can heal your own marriage.

Thank you for your responses, both Agnes and Cath…

I had been talking to her a lot about sin, and healing our marriages, and she said, GOD/JESUS has forgiven us and she continued to take the Eucharist (even after I told her it was not allowed - and I am the non-Catholic). She encouraged me to take the Eucharist and I did not. She said I was “stiff” and to ease up: these are man-made rules. I kept telling her it was from the Bible, not made up by the Catholics (she’s a cradle Catholic).

I thought because we planned to adopt a child, and because she prays for hours a day, and we do charitable works, and we Love each other that this would all work out and be ok. She is very religious and drops to her knees at Church and is very heart felt in her Love of The Lord.

The doubt came in because of the extreme pain of ending the possibility of a family and the deep love we shared. We felt we were each the “love of our lives”.

I have an appointment with a priest today and have been in communication with my wife, who is open to healing, and I just registered for a marriage workshop…

You can and will be forgiven but there are some steps you have to take first no matter what your Catholic partner tells you. First, end the adulterous relationship completely, no more contact at all. Second, repair you marriage as soon as you can. What you have been told by your Catholic partner is simply not correct. God has spoken to you now you need to listen and obey, repair your marriage.


REMEMBER, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession was left unaided. Inspired with this confidence, I fly to thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother; to thee do I come; before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me. Amen.

You’re doing the right thing, man. Good for you. I’ll say a prayer for you.

It’s easy to follow Christ when we want what he wants. The difficulty is following him when we want what he doesn’t want. You know the bible is very clear about adultery, and you also know that you are doing the right thing in ending that relationship. It may be difficult now at this moment to do the right thing, but when you oppose God things never work out in the way you think they will and will cause more problems in the future.

It sounds like you have a better understanding of both God and the Catholic Church. I would say avoid her like the plague, but if you can show her the truth of what you already know in your heart that could be a good thing as well. If the temptation would be there, then I would suggest that you encourage her to learn and understand her faith better (this website would be a great start) and then cut off ALL communication for the spiritual wellbeing of both of you.

As a final thought, Jesus tells the woman caught in adultery to go and sin no more. He definitely can and does forgive sins, but we have to first repent and have a sincere resolve not to commit that offense again. I hope this is helpful for you.

Edit- Definitely continue to work on your marriage. It takes a lot of courage to do the difficult things, but God’s grace is sufficient. Ask Him to give you more grace to see it through in the manner that would be most pleasing to him and so that you co-operate with those graces no matter what the cost. “Take up your cross daily”

Thank you all for your prayers, it is encouraging me (from my initial doubt) to be strong and move forward in faith and God’s Love and be an example of redemption and healing for other couples who may be going through something similar. I am blessed with a wife who still loves me and has remained loving and faithful.

Jesus wants me to stand strong and be part of his flock. I am considering RCIA soon, if they accept this sinner.

You are blessed to have the wife you have. I think there is a very good chance that your marriage will heal.

And by the way, RCIA doesn’t accept anyone but sinners. :smiley:

You are more blessed than you know that your wife would still be willing to take you back…

I applaud you listening to God and recognizing that your relationship was wrong, and then taking steps to stop it. The woman you were with, despite professing to be a Catholic, obviously is not living by her faith, and appears to have almost no knowledge of what her faith is or entails (man made rules, the gall…) It does show, however, that God can even use sinners to enact His will. I highly encourage you to seek out RCIA classes. As Agnes said, they only accept sinners ^^

God bless you for making the right decision to end your adulterous relationship. I pray that the call of God will continue to enact itself on your heart, and that you will be drawn closer to both Him and your wife. I’ll pray for you.

First of all, congratulations on your interest in the Catholic Church and RCIA! That’s great! :thumbsup::):bounce::yup::clapping:

You are correct about your view. This is adultery on both your parts. This is what the Bible says.

“Do not be deceived; neither fornicators nor idolaters nor adulterers nor boy prostitutes* nor sodomitesc 10nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor robbers will inherit the kingdom of God.” 1 Corinthians 6:-10.


The Pharisees approached and asked, “Is it lawful for a husband to divorce his wife?” They were testing him.a 3He said to them in reply, “What did Moses command you?” 4They replied, “Moses permitted him to write a bill of divorce and dismiss her.”b

5But Jesus told them, “Because of the hardness of your hearts he wrote you this commandment. 6But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.c 7For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother [and be joined to his wife],d 8and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. **9Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate.” ** Mark 10:3-9

The Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2380, 2381:

I know it’s easy to listen to our feelings, but even feelings can be wrong. They are good as guides, but often, I have found our feelings really should not be the only means for decisions.

There have been many times I was convinced I was “in love”. I have felt this way towards someone who was physically abusive of me. I’ve felt “in love” towards some who were already married to somebody else. I have since learned to take into account my feelings but also realize we can have these feelings and sometimes need to fight them in order to do what is right, good to others, and above all, pleasing to God.

Again, thank you all for taking the time to respond to me. I appreciate you all so very much.

I want to ensure that you know that the woman I left my wife for is a very kind and loving person, deeply in love with Christ, and yes, she’s a sinner.

Without her insistence, I would NOT have gone to Church. And without that, we would each be on a path of mutual destruction.

The LORD works in very mysterious ways, His Wonders to Perform.

I am good and am on the path to heal my marriage.

I did things I am not proud of.

Please pray for her and her marriage that forgiveness and love and healing occurs for them both. She is an amazing Angel, and I will be eternally grateful for what she did for me. Just think, if I’d had an affair with someone else (non-Catholic), the Lord would have lost me forever…

I read from a Christian marriage counseller that the BEST marriages are ones that heal after going through hell, so there is plenty to be hopeful for…

Thank you and God Bless Each and Every One of You…

In the economy of grace, your willingness to be docile to the Holy Spirit will also make it easier for the woman through whom you came to the Church to do the same. You can see why it is a good idea to keep going to Mass even when there is something in your life that makes you hard-hearted in that respect. Her willingness to do that might have saved you both.

I do hope her marriage heals, but it is also possible that she had an invalid marriage or a marriage in which living the common conjugal life was not possible, and she just chose the wrong way to cope with that. Sometimes a divorce is a moral violation, but sometimes it is not. Pray that she and her husband will be as forgiving, generous of heart, and docile to the Holy Spirit as your wife has been; that is what is needed. Whatever your wife’s sins have been, surely her willingness to be reconciled after an offense will cover for a great deal of their temporal effects.

Thank you also for posting your story. It does good for those who have been abandoned to know that sometimes patience and generosity of heart does leave a marriage open to repair, because sometimes spouses do come back and are thankful for a chance to apologize, make amends and try again.

Honestly, go your separate ways. Both of you need to work on your marriages, she clearly is not loving God if she’s behaving that way. Hypocrites are found everywhere and often use the church to justify their sin. God does work in mysterious ways. Luckily, you were able to get the hint God was giving you and chose to end it. GREAT choice.

Both of you need to work on your marriages. The end. There’s lots of sources out there to use to repair marriages.

Easterjoy, what is it that you mean here. I don’t want to invade the original post, so please feel free to message me, I just want a clear understanding of what you are saying.

As for the OP, God does work straight through crooked lines. I am glad you have found him and are listening. A good reading may be Proverbs 7, it may be beneficial for you to read for your own healing/understanding. I pray for the best for you and your wife.

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit