Advice dealing with child sexual abuse


#1

Yesterday I was told about my nieces’ abuse by their father. The mom and dad are divorcing, and these revelations have just come up. The two girls and their mom will be moving into my home, out of necessity. I have been praying for my sister’s situation for a long time and I feel that this is related to the prayers. I think the Lord is releasing the captives. Anyway, since they’ll be living with me and my wife for a while, I could use some advice about how to pray and what other ways I may be able to help them.

I am not very good withunderstanding medical issues and psychological stuff. I think that there is some serious spiritual warfare going on here. Any advice would be appriciated.

Authorities have been notified and my sister is arrangeing for therapy for the girls now. They’ll probobly be moving in by monday or tuesday. If I need to do anything before hand I’ll need to know soon.

Praise God! Their torment will stop! Thanks,
Tom


#2

Tom, I’m so sorry to hear about this. :frowning: I don’t have any advice; but I will join you in prayer, for the recovery of your sister and your nieces. They are blessed to have you and your wife, for support. God bless all of you.


#3

Since your sister is already working on arranging therapy, I would say, just love them. It’s wonderful that they will have a strong, supportive place to land. Prayers for all of you…

Kathy


#4

Thank you Marie and Kathy, for your prayers. they are needed. All hell seems to be breaking loose with my family lately.
Peace, Tom


#5

sawman, that’s so sad and it’s so good that you’ll be there for them. If I can make a recommendation - I was in a similar situation with a very troubled person who stayed with me for a few weeks while on a waiting list to get into treatment. A social worker suggested I get some counseling myself while she was with me, partly because I’d need the support and partly to help me understand her acting out and be able to support her. I didn’t take the advice and rather than making that time helpful and productive for her, it was extremely frustrating and eventually, full of resentment for both of us. If I’d had a better grasp of what she was experiencing, it would have helped so much. I’ll keep you and them in my prayers.


#6

Dear Fickle,
I’ll certainly look into whatever councilling is available for my wife and myself. We are on a nonexistant budget but we have a good supportive family and at least my wife has a number of good, Catholic, caring friends that she can get good advice from. Thanks for your support and prayers. I’m going to get the house blessed before they get here I hope. I am also praying very hard for their recovery and conversion.

Thanks,Tom


#7

If you havent already I suggest you go to the prayer request forum here on CAF for your family. There are some wonderful people there.


#8

Thank-you for the suggestion, Little Flower, I shall do so now.
Thanks,
Tom


#9

And of course I am already praying


#10

sawman, with the girls’ mom’s permission, you might look into the same therapist who will be seeing them. A lot of therapists have sliding scale fees or might work with you just because you want to help.

I agree with your concern about spiritual warfare. If you’re concerned while the girls are there, or after they leave, you can have more than a simple blessing done, too. There’s a house exorcism that pertains just to a location; some priests will do it but not all. Also, there are home exorcism prayers you can do yourself if you’re comfortable with it, sort of like a maintenance routine. I know that might sound strange to some people but oh well…I have a copy of one if you want it. (if I can figure out how to attach it to a post.)


#11

Fickle, Funny you should mention… House exorcism. I just finished praying some of the prayers to exorcize a house. I was a little stumped at the parts that can be said by lay people. Actualy, there is a part that should be said by a minister, by which is meant a priest or deacon. I don’t know if I can say those parts or not. The blessing is from another site I trust and is a combination of prayers from the Book of Blessings.

Anyhow, thanks for the heads up. I hope my parish priest can help me on this. I’ll try to talk to him soon.

Thanks again, Peace,
Tom


#12

Just some basic guidelines here. First I’m very sorry to hear about this and will remember you and they in my prayers.

Did this just come to light? The abuse that is? If so the initial counseling will be break through sessions but depending on how long it’s been going on there may be “things” coming to the surface for a while.

I would suggest, as I’m sure you are already doing, pray for them as often and as much as possible.

Secondly love them, love them for who they are and try - as a male - not to discuss what has happened with the girls unless you are with your sister and possibly even your wife, never alone at first. At the same time to not place yourself alone with them, always leave the doors open etc… and have someone around.

This may sound harsh be these girls have been through a LOT and they are going to need a lot of love, a lot of unconditional agape love but it’s going to take them a while to figure out how to reconcile that with what they have probably been told by the abuser. The therapist will push them, don’t set yourself up to be dragged in or get in a situation were you could be “imagined” as another perpetrator.

The farther along they get the more they are going to need a strong, good and wholesome male rolemodel. You can be that guy but ease into it, they aren’t going to trust for a long time. Let them see how your sister trusts and how you earn that trust from her.

I’m not saying be distant, just be aware of what they have been through so that you don’t set yourself or them up. You don’t want to remind them in any way of the perp is what I’m saying.

May God Bless you if the road you must travel and heal your family.

Sincerely,
Joe


#13

jwashu,Thanks for your very insightful advice. The things you have brought up in your post, I would never have thought of. I mention to my sister that I’ll be available to the therapist for any kind of co-ordination or for any tips or whatever. My wife and I have raised 4 kids but they’re all gone now. Two of ours were girls. My nieces are teens, so I’m trying to get used to the idea of having teens in the house again even if only for a limited time.

I’ll bless the house this weekend and move some gear around to make enough room.

Thanks again, Peace,
Tom


#14

I read the most fantastic book on healing from childhood sexual abuse recently. The book is hope-filled and the author discusses her personal story and how God had such a hand in her healing. The book is also chock full of statistics, what to do information, who to contact, how to recognize abuse, who are the pedophiles and why do they do what they do, etc.

Really it’s a must read for all parents. It’s bittersweet knowledge inserted into a phenominal story of one woman’s journey to healing. It’s called Grace in the Shadows. They have a website where you can order the book from. Just do a search for “Grace in the Shadows”.

This book has some great advice on how to deal with children who have already been abused - how to best help them heal.


#15

Archerette, Thank you for your kind suggestion. As a matterof fact my wife has a copy from the author. I had not put two and two together. She just finished the book last week. Denise Jackson is a wonderful, loving , and outgoing woman. She was the youth minister at our parish when we lived in Frederick. I guess I’ll need to take a look at it. I may be able to gleen some tips from it as well. Thank you.
Peace, Tom


#16

Hello Tom,
Praise God for your care and compassion for this family.
They have much work to do, but the most important thing, is to help their mother understand that she is on the right track. How she responds to their revelation of abuse is important. Sounds like she (and you) are doing the right things.

The girls do need counseling, help them to select a counselor that is trained in Pastoral care, perhaps through the local Catholic Charities in your town. They have a sliding scale for payment.

Also, help the girls and their mother, by assuring them they will be able to rise above the effects of childhood sexual abuse. I know, because I have. They need to know that there will be times when they will have to re-enter counseling, as new life experiences will shed light on the negative effects of the trauma. But each step is a step forward, and each step forward leads to the ability to regain their healthier sense of personhood, and understand that they are STILL the wonderful gift that God created them to be.

Our Lord is there to comfort and to heal, when others have made the choice to hurt us.

We are able to re-create our broken selves, through God’s grace. He was there, even as the abuse occurred, offering them comfort through others who love them. He is with them now, and as time goes by, they will recognize his presence throughout their lives. I pray this knowledge gives them strength for their journeys to healing.
Denise Jackson,
Triumphant Survivor of Childhood sexual abuse.


#17

Thanks Denise, for your helpful advise. I will be talking to my sister sometime today and will give her your phone number and encourage her to contact you.
Thanks again,
Tom


#18

sawman, will you please let us know how things are going?


#19

Dear Fickle,and all,
I will keep you all up to date.
Today, Bless the Lord, They will move into our house.
There is a lot of details concerning the getting of stuff out of the old place,
and dealing with law enforcement,
That sort of thing for the next few days.

Blessed are You, Lord, in the firmament of Heaven.
Praiseworthy and glorious and exalted aabove all forever.

Short story, yes, I will keep you all posted.
As well as I can.
Thank-you all for your prayers and support and advice.
Oh, and today I will get the house blessed one way or the other.
Peace,
Tom


#20

Hey everyone,

a very important advice for handling these children:
It is vital for them to know they are LOVED, and that they posses DIGNITY.
Someone to be there, who can be a save haven is very important. Depression and Suicidal thoughts often follow abuse, therefore counselling is very important, but sometimes whatever happns in counsellings session has deeper impact, so make sure the kids are SAFE after therapeutical sessions!!!

God be with you

Elrandir


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