My younger sister, raised Catholic, is actively in the process of getting a sperm donor. She is 25 and single. There is a history of sexual abuse, so she isn’t interested in a partner or in dealing with the issues surrounding her difficulties with men. This comes on the heels of the birth of my daughter (first grandchild in the immediate family). In addition, she’s not in a stable financial situation and works as a waitress, so she doesn’t even have the means to effectively support a child - even on a tight budget.
I have told her that I don’t agree with her decision because 1) the Church is very clear about sperm donation in any situation for very good moral reasons; 2) she is purposely bringing a child into the world without a father; and 3) she is very young and has a lot of time for her circumstances to change. Her response is that she agrees with the Church in all things except this because it is denying her the ability to have children if she never has a partner (I went into having a calling outside motherhood, adopting a child in need, or her circumstances changing in time - she hasn’t been swayed). She also says that she doesn’t think a father will be that big a deal, and I think she’s partly jaded since our father was not very involved with us despite our parents being married and in the same house.
My problem is that I’m not sure how to proceed from here. I don’t feel that I can take a hard stand and stop contact because I know that she’ll need support when this blows up in her face. I also want to be a support from any children that may result from this recklessness. I can’t get excited the way I would if she were married and pregnant, either. Is there any advice for ways to handle this beyond praying for her? Anyone have any resources for my family in talking to her before it’s too late? Her planned date to start “trying” is February 2010. I’m also wondering if she could have her child baptized in the Church and how that would work.