Advice for friend


#1

I have a friend that just found out that the girl hes been dating is an illegal immigrant. Hes not sure what to do but hes definitely breaking up with her. I want to give him advice but I'm not sure what to tell him.

Should he dump her? or report her? Should he cut her out of his life completely? Whats the Catholic thing to do?


#2

I'm not sure what the "Catholic" thing is to do as I am not Catholic I'm Lutheran.

However, as a Christian he should probably try to forgive her for lying to him and society. If he is having trouble with that, (I struggle with it in concerns to several people in my life) he should seek out some spiritual counseling.

That being said she did lie to him and she is breaking the law (regardless on where people stand on this issue, the law is the law). If those are deal breakers for him (as they would be for me) in a realtionship than he should probably break up with her or at least back things up until these issues are resolved. Forgiveness is not condoning illegal acts or lying. He doesn't have to stay with her to forgive her.

Also, he is not really dumping her as he isn't running off with someone else and he has very valid reasons for questioning the relationship. As to turning her in or cuting her out of his life he has to consider the legal ramifications of those actions for himself. Knowingly assisting and/or harboring an illiegal alien can have some serious consequences.

I would advise him to get legal consultation about his liability in the situation, to seek some spiritual guidance about forgivness, and rexamine his relationship with her in light of this, and how honest she is being with him.


#3

[quote="dawg2011, post:1, topic:226888"]
I have a friend that just found out that the girl hes been dating is an illegal immigrant. Hes not sure what to do but hes definitely breaking up with her. I want to give him advice but I'm not sure what to tell him.

Should he dump her? or report her? Should he cut her out of his life completely? Whats the Catholic thing to do?

[/quote]

If he wants to continue to date her and marry her, his decision should be based on discernment of whether or not she is a suitable marriage partner, not her immigration status.

If he wants to proceed to marry her, he need to encourage her to return to her home country and go through proper channels to obtain a fiance visa and/or follow proper procedures to marry and then bring her into the country.

It would also be a good idea to contact an immigration attorney. If she is deported for being here illegally it might be very difficult to bring her back in legally for marriage.

If he isn't interested in pursuing marriage, then he needs to end the relationship. He is not obligated to report her to authorities.


#4

There are huge legal issues to deal with when it comes to marriage and illegal immigration, and your friend needs to take them into consideration. I have a friend who married an illegal immigrant after she became pregnant with his child. They've been trying to get him legal status, but right now he is stuck back in Mexico with a huge paperwork headache and they have no idea when or if it will ever be resolved and when he can return to the states. I also have a half-sister who was in a similar situation about 15 years ago. It was probably a wise decision to stop dating someone it would be so difficult to marry legally.

If he wants to cut her out of his life, he should do it because of the problems involved with being "just friends" after a romantic relationship and not because she is an illegal immigrant. The Christian thing to do here would be to tell her that he does not want to persue a relationship with her, and then move on with his life without trying to harm her by reporting her or cutting off contact out of spite.


#5

Honesty is paramount in a relationship. How can he trust her after this?

Not to mention prudence. If he keeps dating her, he could be putting himself in trouble. Not a wise thing

I wouldn’t report her because I don’t think God calls us to be ‘whistle blowers’. But your friend should definetely look out for himself.

If this girl was a good Christian, she would never ask her boyfriend to be in a dangerous situation

CM


#6

it is obvious that this girl's status determines how your friend feels about her as a person. I think than in cases of illegale immigrants things are very complicated and probably painful. People go through all sorts of nightmare situations in order to find a better life.
Your friend should end the relationship if he feels that's the right thing to do but I don't think that he should report her. That would be simply cruel.


#7

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