Advice for newly wed couple


#1

Good day everyone! Hi again…I have all the personal drama here but now I need to ask for a favor…I would like to ask for some advise for a couple I know…
Short version told by both members…

He’s over working, comes home really tired, makes a mess and leaves the mess everywhere, including in bathroom and bathtub from his hard labor job-warehouse or something like that-He comes home around 2-3 am and crashes wherever he can…Sleeps all day…Doesn’t clean up after himself and then when there is no food around he blames her for it… She’s tired of him not sleeping with her, nor spending time with her, and she works as well, so she’s tired of coming home and having to clean up all of his mess, she’s also tired of stepping into a bathtub full of dirty stuff while half way asleep that she doesn’t even know what’s going on…

I told her to be patient with him because his late work never lasts, I think it’s seasonal, and to hang on…The sacrifice of him providing is a difficult one…

They have only been married for 1 year and all ready it’s giving her a lot of stress to be falling asleep around midnight because she is afraid of sleeping without him…and alone in the house…

He’s tired of listening to her bickering and nagging at her for being over tired at night that he sleeps all day and wakes up to go back to work again without leaving the house clean…

She wants him to pick up after himself no matter how tired he is, he wants her to leave him alone and once the season changes he will start keeping up with the house again…

I also told him that it was his same excuse when he was working days, and used the night to sleep in…HE would give her a hard time when it came to working together to keep up their house…He would help her but nagging about it…

I understand there are always problems for newly weds to have when moved in together, and it’s only the first year…but I don’t know how else to tell them that they just need to work on it…

What else can I tell her? What would you tell them? thanks for your help!


#2

Compromise, Compromise, Compromise…As I have had to work late hours and nite shift at times…You are exhausted when you come home. She needs to realize that. He needs to understand that she is cleaning during the day. He needs to be able to take care of himself. Many workplaces have showers. Can he shower before he comes home? It would serve two purposes. He will be clean and more awake. By the way, did I say compromise?


#3

Yeah I think you did say that…lol…

I asked her that because when my exhusband would work in this warehouse he was able to clean up before he got home, and she said no they didn’t…

How do I get them to talk when they are so far away from each other right now…It’s like this is yours and this is mine kind of attitude…


#4

A good way to get them just to talk again is to delibertly ignore what the issue is, and talk about something that they have in common.

Example, I had a long term releationship that, while over, was fun while it lasted. When we got into an argument, (I’m thinking of one in particular) we found out that if we talked about other stuff while we both cooled down, it was much easier to talk about the problem at hand.

Granted, we never lived together, but it might help


#5

Counseling.


#6

*Hi iluvmybabies;

You’re so thoughtful to want to help your friends here.

I feel what she’s going through. My dh is VERY organized, and somewhat of a neat freak, I’m more of the slob. That said, he works nights…and he doesn’t get home most nights until after 10 or 11 pm. He is working overtime, again, at Disney:rolleyes:…and while we’re grateful for the work, not complaining, the housework, grocery shopping, paying bills, is truly on me, mainly. I am ‘used’ to it, I guess. Most of our marriage, my husband has had strange work schedules like this. My kids are older, so they help out. Your friend doesn’t have older kids, yet…lol So, it all falls on her. It’s frustrating when you clean, and someone comes and messes things back up. But, for right now, ask your friend to be patient. Really the only other option, is he finds another job with better hours. My husband is going to do this in the new year, to be honest. And not at my urging (although, we miss each other and don’t have enough quality time together) but he sees the need.

I am not saying he should find another job, but that might be the best option in the end…in the meantime, keep praying for her. And tell her that this too shall pass. Unfortunately, your friend’s husband works very very late…it’s not reasonable to expect him to shorten his sleeping time, to clean. It’s just not. BUT…he could make some strides in not messing things up so much that she has to constantly clean everyday when she arrives home from work. I will keep them in my prayers…I just think it’s the hours he works, not him as a husband, really. And they should just try to enjoy the time they do spend together, without bickering. Again, it’s not him, as much as it’s his hours that are making him so tired, and unable to help out. That’s just my two cents. :o*


#7

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.